'The Killer' - The Vampire Diaries, Season Four

The Vampire Diaries

Season Four

Episode Five

'The Killer' - 4.0

I think 'The Killer' was the worst thing to Google image search for since 'Two Girls, One Cup'

Tyler, Damon, Jeremy, April, Hayley, Matt, Elena, Stefan, Klaus and now even Caroline. With every passing episode, more and more characters stop being interesting or likeable, and after almost no development in so long it's getting tiresome. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if they died. So much could be done better, there could be some real movement, instead of these constant circles.

I'll admit that Elena's arc so far this season has been pretty enjoyable, but she's still the loathsome, moral creature she's always been, and this new vampirism is doing little to change her. 'The Killer' that this episode refers to is actually our female protagonist, as she ends up being the one who finally takes down Connor, the vampire slayer. The moment when she snaps his neck in the cave was quite epic, and there is this degree of wonderful irony and tragedy that underpins the move. I hope that she finds out. It's great that the writers gave Damon and Stefan enough tact to not just blurt out her dumb-girl-play when they come across her digging a grave for her first victim, but she does have to find out sometime. They will no doubt give her some unrealistic, over-the-top 'OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?' realisation, because her sombre reflection and regret period was pretty fucking cliché. This is The Vampire Diaries though. I can't expect anything groundbreaking.

There is a lot of pretentious and cynical musings coming from me right now, but I get like that when I am really, really tired of the shit. Bonnie's meeting with the college professor for example; utter bullshit. Boring, over-long, badly written and badly edited. We never once see Bonnie actually hypnotised, it is all just '(talking,talking,talking) by the way you've just done something and forgotten about it TA-FUCKING-DAH'. It didn't help that I had mostly forgotten (or blocked out) that she was having ANOTHER magical crisis and couldn't do spells. Maybe one day she can stop putting a cork in her power every time she could be of some level of usefulness. We're all sick of it Bonnie, just learn to be a bloody witch for once.

I had issues with Damon, as normal. He just proves to be a difficult ass when it comes to rescuing Jeremy, Matt and April from the Mystic Grill. Why does Stefan wanting to send hybrids in show he's working with Klaus? All it shows is that Stefan has enough brains to know that something part-werewolf can't be killed by the werewolf venom Connor may or may not have, and the fact that he had to vervain Damon just shows that he can remember all the times that his brother has fucked things up in the past. Remember when he fed Elena his blood? Or when he killed coach Tanner? Or when he killed Jeremy? Or all the times he egged the Originals on? Yeah, I think we can all agree that everyone in Mystic Falls would live a lot longer if he wasn't around. 

In regards to the Mystic Grill hostage situation: what the fuck was that? Admittedly the violent end for so-far-unseen hybrid lackey No.76 was wonderful, but the capture and rescue of the three main humans was unremarkable. They came so close to killing off Jeremy but wussed out at the last second. COME ON!!! You could have had an amazing goodbye, with poor Elena saying farewell to her beloved brother as the glass and nails stick out of him like a porcupine's quills. Also, is anyone going to point out that it was Elena's fault that Connor shot Jeremy? She pumped the hunter and made him miss Stefan, so why did Elena barely even flinch? Similarly, where was Elena when the pressure switch went off? Why wasn't she hit? So many questions, so little motivation to rewatch the episode and figure out the answers. 

Did anyone else hope that at least ONE of the goddamn humans would die? Matt seemed entirely unphased by the events once they were over, while Jeremy was more concerned about the fact he was compelled than the fact he was kidnapped and shot. April had the entire thing compelled away, meaning that the ordeal ended up having almost no bearing on the characters or the plot, other than indirectly causing Connor's death. Whatever, I don't see the point if it isn't going to have repercussions.

Jeremy becoming the new hunter? Called it. Predicted it. Feel somewhat patronised that it played out exactly as I expected, even if it was all a little faster than I thought it would be.

I had issues with Nina Dobrev throughout the episode, but her graveside breakdown was pretty well done. The wait for her to become a more interesting character is getting horrid, but I am pretty sure she's moving towards something better. Her outburst at Damon when he tries to prevent her from helping out was a good omen. In a perfect world she'll kill him eventually, then Jeremy. God I hate them so much. 

OK, 'The Killer' was stupid and pointless. I like that Elena FINALLY killed someone, even though she's killed vampires and stuff. It was an important moment for the series and for the character nonetheless, so I can only hope that the writers will actually do something with this development and not just have her mull over the guilt for a few episodes. Preferably, I'd like to see her switch off her humanity. 

'History Repeating' - The Vampire Diaries, Season One

The Vampire Diaries

Season One

Episode Nine

'History Repeating' - 7.0

'We are never telling Elena we did THAT'

Something I notice about most ‘The Vampire Diaries’ fans is that they refuse to admit that the show has some dodgy episodes. Hell, they'll refuse to admit it has dodgy scenes. It's a generalisation, so it is not entirely fair, but have a glance at the forums or the wikis and you’ll see they can be pretty ravenous. I wonder if this is the Justin Beiber demographic?

Anyway, that is beside the point, because 'History Repeating' isn't too bad, in fact I did kind of enjoy it. It was Bonnie-centric, which would normally spell doom since Katerina Graham really needs to do a few more acting lessons, but some of the set pieces and revelations are actually fairly momentous. Of course the most notable would be that Katherine is in fact alive, and is simply locked in a tomb beneath Fell's church. On a related note, does Fell's Church mean Logan Fell's ancestors were like pastors and priests? So that means that those religious occupations translated to journalism? Is that a bit of religious commentary there, Vampire Diaries, are you trying to be clever?

We see a lot more of Bonnie's amber necklace tonight which has been a major plot device since 'Family Ties', although this was kind of built up as its final appearance. In just the one episode, the poor thing is squabbled over by Caroline and Bonne, thrown into a paddock, involved in a possession then blown to smithereens. Big night for it.

Since Bonnie is Bonnie, she's beginning to freak out more and more because of her fledging-witch abilities, as well as the visions of her great-great-something-or-other Emily brought on by the necklace. Emily has been trying to direct her to Fell's Church in all kinds of 'creepy' ways, well... Vampire Diaries creepy, which isn't really very tense or scary just... I don't know. Not good. So Bonnie, fed up with the constant magical antics, hocks her family's antique necklace as far as she can into some random paddock in what seems to have been supposed to be an emotionally heavy scene, but in the end it was boring and kinda pointless. That very night the necklace is back in her bag for Caroline to find and be a bitch about.

There was a séance. How they got there, I'm not sure. It was Caroline's idea, but it was one of the most idiotic decisions anyone has ever made ever. We have a ghost? Awesome, a séance always seems to fix these problems in the films! I think at this point in the show, Caroline is actually mentally handicapped. As you'd expect, the séance makes everything awful - candles flair up, windows bash open, the necklace disappears then baits Bonnie into getting locked in a bathroom and inhabited by the ghost of her ancestor. Wow  I wish that my manicure parties with the girlfriends ended with demonic possession. Come on, TVD, you had a terrific (if kinda contrite) opportunity to pull some actually frightening scenes on us, but you chose to do some lightweight jump moments while that freaking foul score played over the top. Put some more money in your orchestra, cause right now your music is either disappearing under the scenes or completely over shadowing it with buckets of horrid ear-murder.

You know what was impressive though? Bonnie, now possessed by Emily, heads over to Fell's Church, gives Damon a good supernatural shove then obliterates the crystal in a fiery and very dramatic crowning moment of awesome. There was even a flaming pentagram, though I don't know if many of this show's viewers would get the significance. In fact I don't know if the writers did either, since Bonnie spends the scene telling Damon she won't bring evil upon Mystic Falls, while standing in a giant devil's symbol that had appeared around her. Right, OK. The whole scene was pretty amazing, and we did learn one pretty epic secret - Katherine is alive, and locked in a tomb under the church! As well as twenty-six other vampires, but who cares because KATHERINE! Although I don't know if she'll ever escape now that the crystal is destroyed, but come on, this is Vampire Diaries, they aren't going to leave something like Katherine locked away for long.

Did anything else happen? Well Stefan and Damon spent the episode bonding of sorts, playing darts and football and being brothers, and I was just like... wow, look at all the fucks I give. I don't even care why Damon's in Mystic Falls, though now I know it's for Katherine I'm cool with it. Still I had a brief moment when I didn't despise Damon with every single aspect of my being, and that was at the very end of the episode where he's just sitting in the forest all alone and sulky cause Emily effectively just sealed the love of his life in a tomb for eternity. Ian Somerhalder didn't do too badly, and I really got the fallen-from-grace and hopeless vibe. Paul Wesley did a good job too, since almost all the characters end up crying at the end there, Stefan's much more emotional reaction to the events of the episode was a surprisingly adept acting job from someone who's really only acted as passively interested so far.

So this episode did bring us a hell of a lot of plot - Katherine is alive, but the necklace needed to free her has been destroyed, Logan's alive, and maybe a vampire? There's a new history teacher, Alaric Saltzman, who has like a vampire ring-thing, and didn't come into Jenna's house, maybe because he wasn't invited. Both Damon and Stefan said that they'd leave town, though I doubt either will for very long. Bonnie is informed of all the crazy in the world (that Elena's aware of). That's a lot of stuff for one episode of a show like this, so that can't be a bad thing.

'162 Candles' - The Vampire Diaries, Season One

The Vampire Diaries

Season One

Episode Eight

'162 Candles' - 7.0

Yes, I am Lexi. Yes, I am awesome. Yes, I am about to be defeated by a vampire a good three centuries younger than me.

This fucking show infuriates me. They finally introduce a compelling and nearly original character, and then they kill her. IN THE SAME FRIGGING EPISODE.

'162 Candles' is all about Stefan's birthday, because it is something you take seriously when you realise you could have like five hundred, if you wanted. For whatever reason, along comes Stefan's oldest friend Lexi, who is awesome. She's witty, cool as a cucumber and older and stronger than Damon. It didn't click, but that right there was probably why she never would've survived the episode. Damon really is the main character isn't he, even if he is also the antagonist? We can't have a good guy who can easily take the big bad in a fight, where's the drama in that? Dear gods, Damon isn't even interesting, people. I'm sick of hearing how clever it is that we are manipulated into liking the villain - screw off, he is barely a villain and television shows have been pulling that trick for decades! You've probably just come from kid's shows, so you most likely aren't quite use to the tropes and clichés of 'adult' TV.

Sorry, I don't mean to full on insult the viewers of this show. I mean I don't mind it later, but at this point none of the characters interest me, they are all boring, uninspired and cardboard cutouts of the standard mix of television stereotypes. And yes, I probably am going to complain about them in every review, because these plain-flavored treats and making this a very uninteresting meal. Personally I can't see what compels people to watch this garbage!

Hold on, let me breath... OK, the characters suck, but '162 Candles' wasn't actually that bad an episode. This is all because of Lexi of course, so no doubt the next episode will suck so much ass I'll probably throw up, but tonight I was more interested than normal. I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret; in about half of my 'viewings' I have this oldish dog sitting in the room - her names Daisy - and she snores like a freaking bear. My logic is that if I am able to ignore her bellowing snores then that means I am really enjoying watching whatever is on. It's like a rain gauge for fun. In this episode I had my moments where I wanted to go and smother her with a cushion, but for the largest part of the forty minutes I didn't hear her, which is definitely in the episode’s favour.

And despite the fact she actually died, I did think Lexi's final scene was pretty badass. She had a syringe full of vervain - which seems to act like potent valium or something - and still managed to throw two policemen metres away, as well as take a barrage of bullets from Sheriff Forbes. At the same time, Damon's plan made sense (although he really didn't have to explain it later), he was going to frame Lexi for the murders the town had experienced since he'd arrived. Duh, it's so obvious! I was annoyed when he jammed his stake into Lexi's chest, but it made perfect sense and (as you can see) got a pretty strong emotional response from me. That's always a good thing in television, there is nothing worse than boredom.

There was one more exceptional scene, and this one involved Bonnie interestingly. See, despite us not getting a good look at what she was doing with her grams, it turns out she'd learnt to harness a few of her witchy powers. Since Elena is her best friend (poor Caroline), she decided to come out the most elegant (and kinda bitchy) way possible - eviscerating Elena's pillow then making all the feathers float around the room. Yeah, that was pretty cool, and pretty well shot, and just pretty.

Now, Vampire Diaries, what I really need from you are some captivating and out-of-the-ordinary characters, some snappier and funnier dialogue, and you should stop treating me like an idiot. I get what you are doing most of the time, soon you're gonna start having the characters talk to themselves just so that we know how they're feeling. God help us if we should make an incorrect assumption. 

'Haunted' - The Vampire Diaries, Season One

The Vampire Diaries

Season One

Episode Seven

'Haunted' - 5.5

To accept this show you must accept that it works within a parallel universe in which Jeremy Gilbert is attractive.

It is nice to see the Vampire Diaries move along at a faster pace, and 'Haunted' seemed to accelerate and finish a major character arc of the show. Vicki, who became a vampire last episode, is killed, Stefan and Elena kind of got back together (after what, twenty four hours apart?) and Damon proves he has a little humanity left in him.

As you have probably deduced, I have issues with most of the characters of this show. Damon pisses me off royally, and this episode was no different. He pulled his whole I-have-no-remorse routine the entire time and I just wanted him to leave. He only gets in the way and stuffs things up, he's not an antagonist he's just an irritant. Useless. I'd be alright if Ian Somerhalder would start acting rather than making eye twitches!

Anyway, Damon actually wasn't in this episode as much as the other antagonist - Vicki. Vicki spends 'Haunted' hungry, consistently a step away from tearing any of the other character's heads off, though it was mostly all talk until the final few minutes where she accidentally tasted some of Jeremy's blood.

So something I notice about the Vampire Diaries is that they like to spring parties on us - Not long ago we had the Founder's Ball, there was the Bonfire in the first episode and they had the football thing in 'Friday Night Bites', and this episode we had some Halloween do. I don't know what it is really like in America, but I think these constant parties are just lazy. For some reason media believes that when bad stuff happens at parties it is more dramatic, and the number characters conjugating in one location means we think they're all in danger, and yeah it does, but only for so many times. I swear only about three or four weeks has passed in this universe, that school must be made of money.

As you'd have guessed, everything important occurs at this party, and all the main cast members are in attendance, even a hungry Vicki. Now, the Halloween party looked good, but there were points where someone would walk through the decked out sets under the blinking strobe lights and it would look awesome, but these moments were too brief. Man, it could have been like a horror noir, confusing flashes, artistic shadows, all that, but I think this show doesn't want to look intelligent. Maybe it doesn't want to scare off idiots?

Eventually Vicki finds Jeremy and takes him out to the School Bus sleepy place to make out, only to accidentally bite his lip and taste his blood. We've all been there right? Anyway, she goes pretty schizo, as you do when you are a new vampire it seems, and Elena and Stefan intervene.

Don't let the sarcastic tone fool you, the fight between the four of them was pretty fantastic. Elena gets thrown around, there is a brief period where we didn't know where Vicki was, Elena gets bitten. It was fun, and just what should have happened at the climax of the episode, yet I couldn't help wondering - why did they have to be at a Halloween party? Regardless, it all ends with Vicki attaching herself to Elena's neck and then Stefan sticking a broken plank right through her heart. Hooray! A meaningful death!

In fact, her death was commendably handled. It was slow, and the acting from Vicki and Jeremy was pretty heartbreaking, needless  to say I was surprised and impressed. What pissed me off was that the show effectively vetoes the death by Damon wiping Jeremy of his memories of vampires and the emotions he felt when his girlfriend died. Even Elena's anger at Damon was kind of cleaned away when she asked him to compel her little brother. UG! Make something matter!

The Vampire Diaries often looks good in a typical dark, teenager-orientated sort of show, but it seems frightened of breaking barriers or taking risks. What really lets the show and this episode down is this fear, and the bad decisions the crew makes in order to maintain the status quo that isn't particularly interesting to begin with. Still, Vicki's death is well played and action-packed, with the actress doing a great job in the character's final scenes, as well as Steve McQueen pulling more than his far share of the weight as Jeremy deals with his grief. It could have been great, TVD, but somewhere, somehow, something is wrong and needs to be addressed.

'Lost Girls' - The Vampire Diaries, Season One

The Vampire Diaries

Season One

Episode Six

'Lost Girls' - 3.0

Of the three faces here; one can't act, another's Paul Wesley and one's a statue. 

Apart from talking about what actually occurred in the episode, I'm really at a loss as to what to talk about here. It gets that way with nearly all the Vampire Diaries episodes so far. They are actually pretty bad, especially for the first part of the first season. While many would argue that a show is only just finding its feet, I argue it is just finding its audience. Of all times, the first few episodes are what should hook the viewers in and keep them captivated. Why did this show start so awful?

So, why is 'Lost Girls' just no good? I mean it is not the worst the show has given us - hello, Pilot episode - but it definitely a failed attempt to be dramatic and eventful. Yes, Elena definitively discovers the existence of vampires. Yes, Vicki Donovan is killed and turned by Damon. I'll admit, it is two big events for two characters, but what about the others? Tyler, Caroline and Bonnie don't even make an appearance, instead we get to see Nina Dobrev play two roles surprisingly badly while Stefan attempts to explain why vampires aren't all evil and Damon runs through the supporting cast. Not even likable supporting cast members either! He just kills the ones we don't like - now that's an emotional hit, seeing Logan Fell get sucked dry. You know, I'll weep into my pillow over this. Notice sarcasm?

Damon, who actually does some shit, doesn't get any better. He just whines about Stefan having his ring and then spends a good part of the episode dancing half-naked with Vicki - pre-vampirism. I'm sure that sequence was supposed to be funny, but it wasn't. I didn't want to see Ian Somerhalder's chest thrown at me for like five minutes,  I'm sure girls would, but not me. Screw you, Somerhalder. I don't like you.

The death of Vicki occurs at the end of the dance number, and I'll admit that it was... pleasurable? I don't know, I enjoyed that bit, even if the preceding dialogue cemented Vicki's 'death', entirely ridding her subsequent 'death' of any shock value. I mean, I don't like Vicki, she's a depressing, slutty junkie who needs to be removed as soon as possible, but her transition could spell good things for the show as a whole, as now the weak down-trodden girl can take some vampire vengeance. Hoorah! Stake Damon, Vicki. Do it, you know you want to.

So, what else happened? Oh yeah, Elena moaned about Stefan being a vampire, acting all scared and disturbed, but we all know she'll get over it, and it looks like so does Nina Dobrev. She was taking Elena's shock realising about as seriously as you take Barberella. There was so little emotion going on back there, I had trouble caring one iota about her. Although, I have to give her some props for the break up scene with Stefan at the end of the episode, it was well acted and her tears look genuine, though I can't let it make up for the shit she had trodden through the episode earlier. You know what else she did? Entirely ruined Katherine's big introduction! We spend the last five episodes building up Katherine as this manipulative force to be reckoned with, and sure she's a vampire which is kind of a shock, but Dobrev failed on every account to bring her to life. Ha, pun. Anyway, I know that she will improve as the vampire vixen, but in 'Lost Girls' she was pretty horrid.

Anything else? No, not really. Nothing worth mentioning at all. Screw you Vampire Diaries. GET GOOD ALREADY.

'You're Undead To Me' - The Vampire Diaries, Season One

The Vampire Diaries

Season One

Episode Five

'You're Undead to Me' - 5.0

I don't think I've used Sara Canning yet.

I've got to give The Vampire Diaries its props - they managed to have the main character realise the big truth at about the time I thought they should. Many shows have a habit of forcing their protagonist to come to a million incorrect conclusions before finally seeing what is right in front of them. Not TVD, which chose to have Elena make a revelation I thought would take a lot longer than five episodes. Kudos, because that was a pleasant surprise.

Ok, I hope I haven't got ahead of myself. She seemed pretty sure, but she hasn't really confronted Stefan about any of it yet - though if he can give a believable explanation that isn't 'I'm a vampire' then I'll be incredibly impressed; although hella annoyed.

This episode was about coming to terms with irrationality I guess. Poor Caroline may not have fully grasped what happened to her on account of Damon, but she made some decisions that will definitely impact on the two of them in the times to come. Bonnie decided to approach her Grams about her growing abilities after causing hilarious chaos at the sexy car-wash, which in my opinion was strange. These kids are supposed to be jail bait, like the ages of sixteen or seventeen, yet they are doing a bikini fundraiser. Is that normal in America? God, I sure hope not.

Regardless of what could be child porn, this episode on a whole was... alright. It wasn't boring, but until the end nothing really happened. Damon moaned around in his prison, killed Zach (oh, no. that is sad. i don't think i'll ever be happy again.) then went and seemingly killed Vicki - that was more shocking, and will have definitely cause some repercussions. Yay! A mildly important character is dead! Conflict shall arise!

I was a little annoyed by the manipulation of Caroline, though I can't really fault it. The idea kind of makes sense, though I thought Damon would be too weak to pull tricks like that.

Bonnie managed some tricks though, first taking some water revenge on a mean bitch, then setting fire to a car because she didn't want to clean the pavement. After the initial magical prank, I was impressed to see that Bonnie almost relished her power at that point. For a second there it looked like we were heading slowly towards a Willow Rosenberg scenario, however after the small bout of pyrokinesis our resident witch went crying to her Grams. I never get this in television shows with magic - what teenager would not love to be powerful like that? Seriously, tell me! I mean, who didn't feel a little disappointed when they turned twelve and hadn’t yet received a letter from Hogwarts? I sure did, but maybe I'm weird.

You know what else I don't understand? Jeremy. First few episodes he's all 'buy my narcotics' and 'I'm so high, dude' and 'you don't understand my pain' (not real quotes) but now he's complaining about having too many drugs, and talking about spending sober-time with girlfriend Vicki. Next he's all uptight about stealing Elena's medication. To me, this is lazy characterisation, and is really just the writers attempting to make an unlikable character less of a dick. It's not working. Just stop. There was probably more potential in a drug-storyline anyhow. Maybe Jeremy can do some interesting things now Vicki's kicked the bucket.

On a final, Vampire Diaries-you-have-issues note, what is with the family ties? Has every Fell been a journalist in Mystic Falls? Is that the only occupation they can have? The Forbes clan too, what is with the bloody sheriff's department? I'm pretty sure sheriffs are elected, so it doesn't really make sense that a Forbes was always a sheriff. I hope they have some sort of reason for this, and not just the whole 'brought-up to do one thing' nonsense. This show is dumb.

'Family Ties' - The Vampire Diaries, Season One

The Vampire Diaries

Season One

Episode Four

'Family Ties' - 6.5

Spoiler alert: even topless Caroline is about a tenth as awesome as Season Two-onwards Caroline.  

There really isn't a whole lot to say about this episode. Once again, there is a serious lack of action, but the acting was a step up from most weeks and the plot itself seemed to advance considerably.

We meet the Founder's Council for the first time tonight, though whether they are named I can't remember. All we know is there is a group of important people who are aware of the vampire presence in Mystic Falls, consisting of at least Logan Fell, Mrs. Lockwood, Sheriff Forbes and the Mayor. At the present time, none of these characters are actually compelling or particularly threatening, though it is at least significant that they all have some sort of tie to the characters we've already met - Tyler's parents, Caroline's mum and Elena's Aunt Jenna's ex-boyfriend. This will all be surely important later down the track, if only because it'll make it more difficult for them to be killed off. At the same time, they theoretically are only a threat to Damon and Stefan, neither of whom I'd be overly upset to lose, though I'd be upset if they DIDN’T kill Damon.

Leading on from that, Damon was actually at his best in this episode - which isn't that great - but just because he ended up locked in a little prison cell. Hahahahahahahahaahahahah. And by Mr. Bland-weak-sauce. That's gotta hurt him, but it made me happy. It was almost like retribution for all the crappy voice-acting by Ian Somerhalder, having him be captured in a truly obvious way. I mean, you have to admit the ploy was clear - I thought for a moment Damon only let Caroline and Stefan be alone together so he could gloat about foiling another vervain-attempt. Damon, you are officially too cocky and too stupid. JUST DIE.

Caroline's going pretty great though, Candice Accola was fantastic portraying the dazed and battered girl as she came out of her compulsion. She has managed to go from an irritating and nosy bitch to a tragic and no-doubt spitefully real person. It'll be good now that she has the crystal and can play an important role in the coming storylines.

Another character slowly edging towards the limelight is Bonnie, who revealed tonight she has real power by lighting some candles... with her mind! No, it was horribly clichéd, and ridiculous that a normal person would just decide to try and ignite a candle with telepathically. Seriously? Sure, it worked, but maybe she should be put in therapy for delusions. Even with the psycho witch being herself, the scene where she lit an entire room full of candles was masterful, I loved the image and thought it was very moving. Perhaps soon Bonnie can pull some awesome shit - I hope she ends up like Willow in the Buffyverse.

So this is 'Family Ties', nothing to make us praise the lord for the existence of television, but the most important of the first few episodes in terms of plot and character advancement, although I did prefer the previous outing. The action was entirely all-talk, with a little creative filming, but it was not too boring, and I ended up caring for a lot of the people who live in this world.

'The Five' - The Vampire Diaries, Season Four

The Vampire Diaries

Season Four

Episode Four

'The Five' - 6.5

I'd be lying if I said I saw the point of this. It wasn't even that impressive.

As per Vampire Diaries' usual, the origins and ramifications of intriguing and/or mysterious plot points are addressed in only the following episode. This is a fantastic move to cater to impatient, forgetful or high teenagers, but for folk like me who prefer a steady burn-off period where we can munch on the possible directions of a storyline, it's kind of... patronising? That's a good word. 

Interestingly though, I wouldn't call the story of 'The Brotherhood of the Five' the focus of tonight's entertainment. Rather, Claire Holt absolutely steals the show with some amazing work as original vampire Rebekah, who was always just awesome. She is coming to understand herself in relation to the people around her, and she is beginning to grasp her tendency to fall in love so easily. This is demonstrated by her twelfth century love affair with Alex, one of the original five hunters, and this ends typically for her, as she becomes the first victim of a silver dagger (I assume) after promising to go away with him. 

The writers have this obvious fixation with the tragic Rebekah, and they seem to believe that her obsession with finding love and acceptance is some glorious character innovation, so she and all the other characters refer to it all the fucking time. Yes, I get it. I UNDERSTAND. VAMPIRE DIARIES, PLEASE STOP.

Anyway, the writing isn't the best part, obviously. Claire Holt just owned her material tonight. I have been a little tough on her lately, but god was she good, especially in her blubbering argument with her brother all the way back in the 1100s. Joseph Morgan did well too, but Holt really hogged his limelight and really, really proved herself as more than an actress with impeccable delivery. Also, she's still totally Australian, so that's awesome. Why isn't Hayley Australian on that note? 

Later on, Klaus conspires to have his sister daggered in order to keep his and Stefan's plan a secret. This leads to the greatest scene of the night, and possibly of the show so far, as Rebekah once again realises her once beloved brother has wronged her again, turning to see him preparing the dagger. She takes it willingly, almost running headlong into the blade, but not before tearing into Klaus for being a weak, loveless monster who will never have a real legacy. I'm officially head-over-heels in love with this teenage monster, and I pray that she’ll be with us again soon. Ah, the beauty of a race of vampires who only die temporarily (other than Finn and Mikael).

Elena did shit too, learning how to control herself while feeding on random strangers, which is weird because I was pretty sure that she had learnt how to drink from Matt without much issue. She had a little lapse in control last episode, but who gives a shit about that? Regardless her entire plotline was ruined by the Delena overload. Damon sucks, just get over it, OK? 

Truth be told, I actually was a little impressed by Ian Somerhalder's handling of his whole 'predatory species' monologue, as well as Nina Dobrev's reaction to it. I really am trying to like this guy, as he is clearly the focal point of the show, even if he isn’t the main character on paper. That’s Elena of course, who’s new vampirism is being treated in the most hipster way possible; they are trying to make deep, subtle parallels to the original doppelganger, Katherine.  When she takes her first bite  at the (stupid sounding) Murder party she turns to Damon and tells him – with a cocky smile on her face – that she wants more. She has also altered her hair just enough to be a little like Katherine’s frizzier do. UG.

Connor is still a pretty fun villain, and I appreciated his violent killing of that hybrid, though the Brotherhood of the Five is so clearly a ripoff of the Slayer line. Even the would-be hunters are called potentials! Seriously? Every time one dies a new one is called? They have super strength and super reflexes? IS THIS NOT A BELL BEING RUNG? 

  

Aside from the usual writing fails that perpetuate every episode of this drama, 'The Five' was pretty good, mostly in part to the wondrous woman that is Claire Holt. I'm gonna wrap it up now though, because I've just discovered that I'm incredibly pissed off by unrelated matters. Goodbye! 

'The Rager' - The Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries

Season Four

Episode Three

'The Rager' - 4.5

This could be the start of something wonderful

In an episode devoted to an exploration of rage and emotional control, there was little to be passionate about in 'the Rager'. There were moments here and there that show this series is attempting to take Elena's transformation with the upmost seriousness and with a degree of realism, but the quick-fly scenes and almost pestering tone of this episode detract from the relatability.

Stuff always happens in Mystic Falls, it's not like Sunnydale. Yeah, if you put it out on paper I bet more bad stuff has gone down in Buffy's Californian small town, but it just feels like the writers have this need to fill every episode to breaking point with action and shocks, thinking that we don't have to attention span to last out the 'boring bits'. To make my point, my favourite scene tonight was the first conversation between Matt and Elena, in which he offered his wrist to her as some sort of loving, nurturing symbol of his undying devotion to her, but all she can talk about is herself. She doesn't even seem to register that her ex-boyfriend is feeding himself to her. Nonetheless, the more held back and subtle direction here was a nice, toned-down change from the in-your-face obviousness that often tarnishes this show.

I'm definitely not calling the director good though; his filming of Elena's two instances of showing-off were just awful. First, when she does a handstand on a beer keg and drinks is absolutely atrocious, it was clear when it was a stunt double or when she was being held up by wires. Later, the green-screen motorcycle ride was reminiscent of the boat scene from the Pilot of Ringer. That is definitely not a good thing when the moment was supposed to be an emotional high for the character, when all it looked like was Nina Dobrev having an acid-trip in front of a box fan.

We finally get to see Phoebe Tonkin's character strut onto the set and I have to say; I was a little disappointed. So far, Tonkin is once again playing Faye, just a sassy werewolf this time instead of a sassy witch. Granted she seems much less selfish, I thought they'd have a bigger focus than sticking her in for two scenes, establishing her as a potential hurdle for Tyler and Caroline then having Klaus say 'she's left'. Right. Of course, she hasn't left the town or anything, but she didn't even get a witty one-liner as a send off. Last I saw of her, she was bad mouthing Klaus in her stereotypical, anti-authoritarian tone-of-voice. 

I was much more appreciative of Rebekah's return to form, once again playing the role of a thousand-year old teenager, perpetually pining for the love and affection of her peers but always failing to get it because she FUCKING KILLS THEM. She dwells on this tonight as she comes under a seedy attack from the town's current vampire-hater, Connor, who poisons some beer with Tyler's werewolf venom. I was worried for a second that the writers had completely forgotten that werewolf bites don't kill Originals, but luckily Rebekah's temporary sickness ends with her simply sliding out of her bed. While she's sick she has a vision in which her high school crush, Matt, scolds her for failing to mature during her thousand years, causing her to freak the shit out and rip his heart from his chest. I knew they wouldn't kill off a main character so unceremoniously, so it was completely obvious that it was a fantasy, but it was still pretty impressive.

In other news, Rebekah's brother is starting to irritate me. I was generally a fan of Klaus, but as of tonight he seems... shorter. That's nothing against him, but Joseph Morgan lacked his normal intimidating stance and position as he strolled about doing jack all - except helping Elena survive her werewolf venom incident and saving Connor's life. What? I guess we'll get to that later this season?

Damon and Elena are still in deep desperate love with each other, but I still can't take the writers seriously for even considering this a possibility, and I sure as hell will never take Ian Somerhalder seriously as an actor. Just no.

There's nothing much that would entice me to tune in next week had this been my first viewing, but I will invariably return. If I were to be asked a reason, it would be that I am intrigued by the prospect of April and Rebekah alliance, which was hinted at towards the end as a repentant Rebekah offers her expertise to help the orphan out with the investigation into her father's death. I guess that will tide me over until next week. 

'Friday Night Bites' - The Vampire Diaries, Season One

The Vampire Diaries

Season One

Episode Three

'Friday Night Bites' - 7.0

And Stefan's brief stint on the football team is never mentioned again

I know all you Damon or Stefan Salvatore fans out there must hate me, and I understand. Both of my prior reviews for uber-teen sensation 'The Vampire Diaries' have been a little negative - well, I've ripped into the show like one of the bloodsuckers rips into a nice throbbing neck - but I should get around to telling you why. Not only have I heard wonderful things about the series, but I have watched it before I decided to start again for the blog. I know at some point it does become watchable, heck, enjoyable; it's just that those first two episodes verged on unbearably atrocious. They were largely poorly acted, and the plot went absolutely nowhere and the characters were not given an ounce of depth or real history. Luckily, the first season's third episode 'Friday Night Bites' changed that. Yes, though it will by no means be perfect, I am giving The Vampire Diaries it's first of hopefully many positive reviews. Shall we proceed?

Our first glimpse tonight was of Caroline, who awoke half-nekkid in bed with none other than the world's most irritating evil doer - Damon freaking Salvatore. I like Caroline, I admit, though that is probably from my prior knowledge of the show, and how awesome she ends up becoming later on. At the moment though, she's a bit of a dud. She whines and brags and has the tack of a poster pin someone left in the ocean five decades ago. It's pretty tough to watch her at this point. Regardless, for those who didn’t know everything was gonna be fine, the first few moments were pretty suspenseful. I remember when I first watched it a couple of years ago I thought she'd die for sure - she was a bitch and we were only three episodes in. It made sense, and would definitely cause conflict.

When she did turn up alive and as perky as usual later on, I was probably a bit disappointed. Luckily for the viewer though, Caroline wasn't the only character who could be shoved off to create a bit of tension - towards the end of the episode we lost Mr. Tanner, the teacher who acts like he forged a education degree so he can torment teenagers. The writers could have chosen to off a character with a bigger emotional draw, but I'm told Tanner died in a similar manner in the novel, so I guess I can pass it. I was pleased anyway, cause it confirmed the powers of Bonnie, which I don't think really needed confirming at all, but it is appreciated nonetheless. It also completely tore apart Damon and Stefan's already floundering family ties - at the conclusion, Stefan makes a decision (into his journal of course) that Damon needs to go, and he needs to go quickly. Oooh! I can't remember where this goes, but it sounds suspenseful.

Outside of faculty fatalities, Elena also noted a clue to Stefan's true nature - she noticed a cut, only for it to disappear because of vampire regenerative capabilities. Elena didn't really take it any further than a few confused questions, but the groundwork for the big reveal I know is coming was laid down, and she clearly hasn't brushed it off as a misreading.

On the note of Stefan's little hand injury, can I again mention the utter waste of space that is Jeremy Gilbert? I know Tyler started the fight, but it was Jeremy who tried to slash someone's flesh - that has to count for something. Tyler never attempted to kill the kid, in fact I remember Jeremy threatening to murder Vicki's ex only the last episode. It's clear Elena needs to send her brother for some help, I'm thinking more like a psychiatric institution than rehab. Or why don't we save everyone some trouble and just get him the lethal injection?

I still have issues with the overall patronising writing that prevails the show - Bonnie repeats her psychic numbers a couple of times during the episode. We would have got it once, and if we didn't it wouldn't have mattered. The viewers all know that you are a witch, Bonnie, cause it would be boring as shit if it turned out you were a normal girl with a penchant for coincidences. We don't have learning disabilities, you can be vague or subtle. In fact, please do. Half of the human population has less than average IQ, but half of us are above average. Which half do you care about more?

One last positive and negative point. I'll admit Damon was less infuriating tonight than he was in the first two episodes. He was less of a one-note bad guy, and more of a deeply affected man who is putting up a front. I will comment that it was a bit of staging, not acting, that led me to this conclusion, and I still think Ian Somerhalder kinda sucks right now (my theory is that he didn't think the show would last so he hammed it up), but I know he slowly improves over time. That wasn't the negative, no, the negative was a general issue with the characters of the show - I continue to wish a slow death on most of them, most notably Jeremy, Damon, Matt, Tyler and Vicki - only one of whom actually dies in the future episodes I've seen. This is more an issue of writing-failures and abuse of stereotypes than acting ability, but this again will improve as the show goes on - at least from my memory it does.

So, it may not be that momentous an occasion, but that was a positive review. So if you've been sending me hate mail, you can stop now. I don't have a bias against the show or the genre, no, it is awful television I have a bias towards, and I'm sorry, but the first two episodes were pretty awful. Get over it, I think we are past the worst of it for now.

'Memorial' - The Vampire Diaries, Season Four

The Vampire Diaries

Season Four

Episode Two

'Memorial' - 8.0

The suckiest funeral ever.

The final scene of a show is always the most important part, as when you leave after watching the hour or forty minutes or whatever, it is the easiest part of the episode to recall. Often, when someone reviews an episode, their memory of the experience is based almost entirely on the final scene. This is also a good reason to rewatch things, though you never quite get an as intense emotional response.

This is why I am trying to ignore the final scene. It wasn't bad, but it was Damon-centric and an unveiled attempt to ensure that the character remains a bad boy with a heart of gold, and it just pisses me off. The scene before it was terrific, and I loved hearing the names of lost characters - though I don't know why Tyler wasn't there - and giving recognition to the past in a show not known for continuity or consistency. I thought it was a bit strange that Elena didn't mention Alaric in her list, as he'd only died at the same point she did, which was like two or three days prior. He also didn't seem to get an actual funeral, much like Jenna.

Also, I'm guessing that Matt Davis couldn't find another job, because Alaric returns tonight as the ghostly apparition of his former character, who watches over Damon as the vampire paces back and forth, having a full on conversation with Alaric's grave. It was supposed to be cute, clearly, and we were supposed to feel sorry for Damon, and yes, it is nice to see that he does care for someone who has died, but I also take pleasure in knowing that there is no one left on his side anymore, as evidenced when he ditched the memorial service at the end there. No one agreed with him or followed him, everyone stayed with Stefan and played sentimental.

The series' new antagonist Connor Jordan was pretty awesome, and I appreciated the hasty pace at which he works, rather than the confident, methodical and breezy pace that most of the villains do their thing. Klaus likes to go on giant rants before he does anything, as does Katherine who likes to pretend to be Elena for half-an-hour before she gets to it. Jordan though, the second he realised that Tyler was a vampire - *cough* hybrid *cough* - he pulled his gun and pretty much emptied the clip into his chest. 

By the way, does that mean that wooden stakes don't kill hybrids? Did this information just fly over my head, because Tyler was shot by bullets that Stefan reveals would have killed a normal vampire, then later he's shot with a stake by Jordan during his speech at the funeral. Presumably that was on target, and for a while I was certain that we'd lost another character – I was momentarily excited - but he was fine. 

I have to say, I was impressed with the scenes in the church. Of course the best bit was with the blood dripping down from the balcony and all the vampires knowing that if they turn around, Connor Jordan will know what they are and take them out. For Elena it was especially scary, as she could barely control the urge. What’s more, for some reason she decided to go make an eulogy in front of everyone, which Stefan ended up having to rescue her from. It was very tense and very well done. Connor's plan was actually far more intelligent than I generally give this show credit for, so kudos to them for providing legitimate suspense. 

I sincerely hope that Jordan is a near permanent member of Mystic Falls. Even though he had barely any lines and we don't know anything about him, I feel like he is a real threat to our vampire friends and that is awesome. So often villains are just talk on this show, and it's about time we had one who can go through with their claims and perform acts of great violence on characters we love. I do have to request that he gets to take out one important character though, and I honestly don't care who. 

Elena's entire experience in 'Memorial' was pretty fun, and she is clearly a slightly different vampire to all the others as she is having issues drinking animal blood, vampire blood and blood bags. On more than one occasion she vomits rather spectacularly as a result of not taking blood straight 'from the vein', as it were. Seeing Nina Dobrev have to project what looks like half of Damon all over the church toilet was a sight to see, and I don't know if the show will ever be that gross ever again. I hope they will though.

I wonder if Elena's issues with her vampirism will necessitate the return of Katherine for aid, and that would be just fantastic. Katherine is and always will be the better role that Dobrev gets to play. 

Yeah, I did enjoy 'Memorial' on the whole, if I found the final scene a manipulative attempt to curry favour for Damon. Most of the other scenes, which varied from touching and retrospective to tense and climactic, managed to redeem the episode in my mind. I wouldn't count it as the best but it was pretty good and different for a show that can never call itself unique. 

'The Night of the Comet' - The Vampire Diaries, Season One

The Vampire Diaries

Season One

Episode Two

'The Night of the Comet' -4.5

Shut up Damon. 

The second episode of The Vampire Diaries was a bit like walking up and down a small hill. Started from the bottom, with little hope because of failure of the preceding trek, the walk was pretty dull at first. As things get higher it all began to get slightly more and more interesting, and the prospects of what may be at the top became brighter. Finally, around about half way through the little hike I reached the top, from which the view was amazing and I was looking forward to the descent, however it turned out the normal way down was closed and I had to retread my steps back down the boring slope of been-there-done-that. To be more to the point, the middle of 'the Night of the Comet' was splendidly tense and fun, but the parts before and after were so sucky it practically undid the only good scene.

So, what scene is so good, you may ask. Well you see, I was incredibly surprised by which moment in this episode I enjoyed so much. I'll start by explaining why; I don't like Damon yet. At this point in the series I find him stereotypical and poorly performed. I'm sorry, but Ian Somerhalder, in my opinion, is no good at playing evil. His attempt at the sultry, cocky voice mixed with the god-awful one-liners he's forced to say make him seem effeminate and over-the-top. He reminds me of a out-and-proud gay queen who knows a secret that no one else is aware of, yet something they'll all want to know. It's not Somerhalder himself, it's the crappy delivery and presumably the less-than-adequate direction that make him seem so... soapy. I don't know, I wasn't trying to be offensive, just calling it how I see it. Off topic, anyhow, since he was the lynchpin of the best scene of the episode, in which he brings Vicki Donovan to a rooftop then once again tries to bring his brother over to the dark side.

Interestingly, I don't really like Vicki or her actor either. I mean, she doesn't do too badly, but I just feel that the pilot's performance was better. Like that episode as well, I was hoping that our young drug-whore would die the way all unimportant and lousy characters should - painfully and memorably. Alas, she got out with only a few pulled stitches. She wasn't that integral to the scene anyway, it was Damon and Stefan who stole the show, with both allowing the viewers to get a better look at the characters - Stefan, being a holier-than-thou vegan vampire with a rod so far up his ass it's probably scrambling his brains; and Damon, who've I've already torn apart in this review. It's true I like neither, but it is good that this scene helped me realise why, and made them and their relationship seem less boring. The whole time up there on the roof was heart-pounding, and with a bit-player like Vicki there we couldn't be sure she'd survive, which certainly added suspense to intensify the situation.

I was disappointed when the scene ended up meaning nothing - Vicki was compelled out of all memory of the confrontation and let go without serious injury, and Damon and Stefan didn't really learn anything new about each other, even if we did. The rest of the episode was pretty much the same, nothing, followed by nothing, followed by nothing.

Can I just point out how much I HATE Jeremy? He's Elena's little brother but I get this sneaking suspicion we are supposed to feel sympathy for him, but he's a stuck-up brat who refuses to admit he has a serious drug problem. Stick the asshole to the sticking place and get it over with, every time he's on screen I want him to overdose and DIE IN A HOLE. Please. His constant teen-angst made me like Aunt Jenna though, which is maybe the real point. I honestly don't know, because I cannot see how we are supposed to like him. He's seriously as big a douchebag as Tyler, they should probably both leave Vicki alone.

Complaint number four-thousand and six; the music. Cut it out already! All this indie-pop is really grinding my gears. Oh, you're quirky Vampire Diaries? Really? No, no, I think you're just dull, and cowardly. Pull a trick! Play some death metal in a touching moment! Do something brave you stupid show.

I think I'm fair. I was a tad impressed Elena and Stefan kissed in only the second episode, though I care so little about either of them I can't really give the show any more marks for it. You know what I'd like? Stake Damon. Throw Vicki off the roof. Give Jeremy a razor blade and a bottom of valium. Cut out the 'alternate' music garbage. Grow some balls. Make a change. I think this is all fair as well, right? Wouldn't be that big a deal.

Oh, but don't hurt Caroline ever again. OK?

'Growing Pains' - The Vampire Diaries, Season Four

The Vampire Diaries

Season Four

Episode One

'Growing Pains' - 7.5

It's a hard choice between death and working with Ian Somerhalder

After last season's stellar twist there was a lot riding on the Vampire Diaries' follow up to the death of its protagonist, Elena, and a lot of hungry fans thirsty to see how she'll handle becoming one of the creatures of the night. Of course, in typical style the show gives us only a few minutes of a vampire Elena, but this season premiere is an action packed instalment that really delivers, even if it felt a bit superfluous at times. I mean, like she wasn't going to complete the transition, right?

As this episode went on I realised how much had happened during the previous one, despite the little amount of info the re-jiggered 'previously on' gave us. Caroline and Tyler were supposed to go on the run after an evil Alaric gave away every last detail about the vampires and hybrids in town, except Klaus ended up being supposedly killed meaning that Tyler believed his bloodline was about to die out. He started experiencing pains and forced Caroline away, only to reveal that Bonnie had put Klaus' spirit into Tyler. Meanwhile, since Alaric's only weakness lay in Elena, Rebekah kills her by forcing her car off the road and into the river, with Elena waking up on an autopsy table as 'the Departed' came to a close. 

And so we come to the morning after, with transitional Elena awakening in her own bedroom, once again with Stefan by her side. At this point the episode could have gone either way, presenting itself as an action-packed episode hell-bent on avenging Elena's death or a more subtle, character-building instalment that aims to establish a real reason for her to want to become a vampire. In the end, 'Growing Pains' is a combination, as the arrival of a new head for the Council heralds an immediate string of anti-vampire attacks. It doesn't take long for Caroline, Rebekah, Stefan, Elena, Liz Forbes, Carol Lockwood and Meredith Fell to all be taken in, as both vampires and vampire sympathisers. 

Rebekah's scenes throughout the episode were probably the highlights, but not just because Claire Holt is amazing, rather it was just luck of the draw. Her capture comes while Damon tries to stake her for murdering Elena, only for a barrage of bullets to come flying through the window out of nowhere. She turns to face her attacker, only to immediately get a hefty stake propelled into her heart, desiccating her immediately. Later on, she wakes up in the back of a transport van with Caroline, who had been caught straight before making her escape from Mystic Falls. As the two ladies contemplate the coming trial-probably-by-wooden-stake, the van crashes in a fantastically shot action piece that could have come out of a high-budget explode-y movie, showing them caught in the anti-gravitational moment of deceleration as glass flies around and the van flips. A second later, Tyler/Klaus rips the door off and pulls Caroline to safety, leaving the woman who's really his sister behind, of course after revealing to her that it is in fact Klaus. I don't know why he did that though. 

Klaus has always had a thing for Caroline, and that is very understandable, but I'm not sure how I feel about this Tyler-thing. Michael Trevino is a fine enough actor playing his normal character, but there wasn't anything special that he did to really get the fact that it wasn't Tyler across. He very occasionally started using English terms like 'love' and 'bloody', but mostly he talked in his normal accent and did normal things. He didn't even have that slow, dignified walk or the sly facial expressions that are purely Klaus. I don't know about you, but I'd have to call Trevino's performance possibly the worst part of 'Growing Pains', but a part of the blame has to go to the director. Also, his temporary housing in the body of the lesser hybrid is annoyingly short-lived and unused, there was so much that they could have done with one character living inside another, including having that Caroline/Klaus hook-up everyone's been waiting for. They get pretty close, but a long and later awkward make out session isn't enough. Once Klaus was back in his own form by the end, I was mostly asking what the whole point of it was. Joseph Morgan didn't even get an episode off.

Obviously this episode belonged to Nina Dobrev, which was a bit sad because I don't think she did that good a job. Occasionally she's able to pull off some great moments, but mostly I find her crying forced and artificial, and boy did she do a lot of that. A surprisingly good scene involved her remembering Damon's admission of love from 'Rose', which was filmed with Elena pretty much walking in on the past version of herself hearing it, then having it compelled away. I thought it was particularly well done for a show that doesn't - and shouldn't - pride itself on doing things any differently. This isn't no Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I was still impressed by this quirky way of depicting the effects of Elena's transition. 

She is taken in as a human when Stefan is apprehended at her house, and the new head of the council - an apparent long-time resident Pastor Young, who we've never met - has a chat with her while her symptoms begin to worsen. All of a sudden it all becomes too much for her and Young's jugular seems far too tempting, forcing her to make a dash for the fresh air, only to be knocked out by one of the guards. When she wakes up, she finds herself in a cage with Stefan and Rebekah in similar predicaments, only without the transitional clock ticking down around them. 

Over in the world of Bonnie, there is obviously a theme going on with her increasingly frequent delves into the dark magic inside of her. After learning about Elena's condition and failing to petition the spirits at the old house, she decides to use the darkness to stop her own heart and travel to the other side in an attempt to bring the human Elena back. It seems to be working like a charm, with Bonnie lifting Elena from her prison cell floor, to the confusion of Stefan and Rebekah, only for the spirit of Bonnie's grandmother to appear and forbid her from using the dark magic, forcing her to return to life without saving her friend. She at first seems prepared to forgo the magic inside of her, only for Klaus to appear before her, demanding that he be returned to his desiccated body, choosing to pull out some of Tyler's werewolf claws and threaten to rip his still beating heart from his own chest. Weak willed Bonnie agrees to do the ritual, quickly zapping Tyler back into his body, only for him to collapse in Caroline's arms while Bonnie's Grams appears again, this time being tortured by the powers on the other side, wrinkling and writhing in pain as her granddaughter's forced to watch. Intense.

I was oddly impressed by Dobrev as she prepared to let her life slip away from her, all the while saying her possibly last goodbyes to Stefan in the cell next to hers. Neither can see one another, but that only adds to a well crafted and well performed scene. Even Rebekah, who watches the lovers prepare for the worst, was clearly moved, and she is motivated to do something about it. When the guard comes in next she lunges at him, making him jump backwards and into Stefan's reach. Stefan kills the poor guy then lets his body fall to the floor, the blood seeping out and towards Elena. It was a tense few minutes waiting for the blood to reach her range, as it felt like the rest of the guards could burst in at any moment, even though they just don't. In the end she is able to dip her fingers in and take a good suck, completing her transition and becoming the Elena we've been waiting for.

Damon did some shit tonight, but I don't give a fuck about Damon. All I know is that he gets attacked by vampire Elena while he's preparing to kill a guilty and self-loathing Matt. I was a little surprised Matt made it through the episode, but looking at his state at the very end, I feel like he probably should have died. I really badly don't want to watch him moan around like a fucking ghost for the rest of the series.

One question; how the hell did Rebekah, Elena and Stefan escape the cells? They got the guard down, but Elena was closest to him and she couldn't reach him. I don't even know if he had keys, yet when Matt is saved by Elena before he or Damon have a chance to free them. Did I miss something? Did they simply want us to be shocked when our protagonist does her first vampire-y thing? I don't know. 

As usual for this episode, Rebekah got another good scene, bursting in to find her brother packing his bags. She tears into him for leaving her in the van to which he reacts with disdain. She does make a good point though: following his apparent death, she was the only person who grieved for him, and he left her to die. Doesn't help his case that I prefer Rebekah, especially when she has the guts to pick up Elena's blood bags and strew them over the room, causing him to break and snap her neck, after denouncing their family ties. Awww, that was sad, but awesome. Joseph Morgan and Claire Holt work beautifully together, even though one of them is pulling a fake English accent all the time. I'll be a little disappointed if they don't get many more scenes together. 

The final scene was pretty confusing. To be brief, the evil Pastor Young gathers the council together in his farm house, only to unhook the gas line then blow them all up, including himself. Excuse me? What the fuck was that? It was marvellous, but felt like something you'd see in True Blood, not the Vampire Diaries, in that it was... a little controversial. He's a pastor who just initiated a mass homicide, which may be a risk factor the writers weren't able to comprehend, but tell me that isn't a little risqué? Anyway, I don't know if he's dead, but he was given so little dialogue that we clearly have to learn more about him, so my guess is that he'll be brought back stronger than before.

And so Elena is a vampire, Klaus is back in his body, Bonnie's heading towards Dark Willow territory, Tyler's unconscious, Matt wants someone to kill him, Rebekah's awesome. It's a lot to deal with, but I can't help but feel like a lot of it was unnecessary. We always knew that Elena would complete the transition, and like the show would be rash enough to save her from vampirism. There was only one way out of this mess that wouldn't disappoint the fans, and that would be a vampire Elena, so it's no surprise that that is what we get. For the Klaus/Tyler body switch, I couldn't see a single purpose other than having Bonnie delve into dark magic despite not wanting to. Was there another, more reasonable point to the switcheroo? It can't be that important for people to know he's alive, he was pretty keen to tell everyone who wanted to hear. What am I missing?

Anyway, it was definitely enjoyable and I couldn't think of anything disappointing specifically, except the illogicality that is always rampant in this show, as well as the show's unwillingness to get rid of its awful characters. They get rid of Alaric and Jenna, but not Jeremy or Damon? Yeah, I get they'll never be rid of Damon, but Jeremy is so utterly unimportant now that Elena's a vampire. The whole point was that he was her last family member, but now she has to be somewhat aware that she is going to watch all her human friends die, and that surely takes some of that drama away. You can kill him now. Please?