'The Killer' - The Vampire Diaries, Season Four

The Vampire Diaries

Season Four

Episode Five

'The Killer' - 4.0

I think 'The Killer' was the worst thing to Google image search for since 'Two Girls, One Cup'

Tyler, Damon, Jeremy, April, Hayley, Matt, Elena, Stefan, Klaus and now even Caroline. With every passing episode, more and more characters stop being interesting or likeable, and after almost no development in so long it's getting tiresome. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if they died. So much could be done better, there could be some real movement, instead of these constant circles.

I'll admit that Elena's arc so far this season has been pretty enjoyable, but she's still the loathsome, moral creature she's always been, and this new vampirism is doing little to change her. 'The Killer' that this episode refers to is actually our female protagonist, as she ends up being the one who finally takes down Connor, the vampire slayer. The moment when she snaps his neck in the cave was quite epic, and there is this degree of wonderful irony and tragedy that underpins the move. I hope that she finds out. It's great that the writers gave Damon and Stefan enough tact to not just blurt out her dumb-girl-play when they come across her digging a grave for her first victim, but she does have to find out sometime. They will no doubt give her some unrealistic, over-the-top 'OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?' realisation, because her sombre reflection and regret period was pretty fucking cliché. This is The Vampire Diaries though. I can't expect anything groundbreaking.

There is a lot of pretentious and cynical musings coming from me right now, but I get like that when I am really, really tired of the shit. Bonnie's meeting with the college professor for example; utter bullshit. Boring, over-long, badly written and badly edited. We never once see Bonnie actually hypnotised, it is all just '(talking,talking,talking) by the way you've just done something and forgotten about it TA-FUCKING-DAH'. It didn't help that I had mostly forgotten (or blocked out) that she was having ANOTHER magical crisis and couldn't do spells. Maybe one day she can stop putting a cork in her power every time she could be of some level of usefulness. We're all sick of it Bonnie, just learn to be a bloody witch for once.

I had issues with Damon, as normal. He just proves to be a difficult ass when it comes to rescuing Jeremy, Matt and April from the Mystic Grill. Why does Stefan wanting to send hybrids in show he's working with Klaus? All it shows is that Stefan has enough brains to know that something part-werewolf can't be killed by the werewolf venom Connor may or may not have, and the fact that he had to vervain Damon just shows that he can remember all the times that his brother has fucked things up in the past. Remember when he fed Elena his blood? Or when he killed coach Tanner? Or when he killed Jeremy? Or all the times he egged the Originals on? Yeah, I think we can all agree that everyone in Mystic Falls would live a lot longer if he wasn't around. 

In regards to the Mystic Grill hostage situation: what the fuck was that? Admittedly the violent end for so-far-unseen hybrid lackey No.76 was wonderful, but the capture and rescue of the three main humans was unremarkable. They came so close to killing off Jeremy but wussed out at the last second. COME ON!!! You could have had an amazing goodbye, with poor Elena saying farewell to her beloved brother as the glass and nails stick out of him like a porcupine's quills. Also, is anyone going to point out that it was Elena's fault that Connor shot Jeremy? She pumped the hunter and made him miss Stefan, so why did Elena barely even flinch? Similarly, where was Elena when the pressure switch went off? Why wasn't she hit? So many questions, so little motivation to rewatch the episode and figure out the answers. 

Did anyone else hope that at least ONE of the goddamn humans would die? Matt seemed entirely unphased by the events once they were over, while Jeremy was more concerned about the fact he was compelled than the fact he was kidnapped and shot. April had the entire thing compelled away, meaning that the ordeal ended up having almost no bearing on the characters or the plot, other than indirectly causing Connor's death. Whatever, I don't see the point if it isn't going to have repercussions.

Jeremy becoming the new hunter? Called it. Predicted it. Feel somewhat patronised that it played out exactly as I expected, even if it was all a little faster than I thought it would be.

I had issues with Nina Dobrev throughout the episode, but her graveside breakdown was pretty well done. The wait for her to become a more interesting character is getting horrid, but I am pretty sure she's moving towards something better. Her outburst at Damon when he tries to prevent her from helping out was a good omen. In a perfect world she'll kill him eventually, then Jeremy. God I hate them so much. 

OK, 'The Killer' was stupid and pointless. I like that Elena FINALLY killed someone, even though she's killed vampires and stuff. It was an important moment for the series and for the character nonetheless, so I can only hope that the writers will actually do something with this development and not just have her mull over the guilt for a few episodes. Preferably, I'd like to see her switch off her humanity. 

'History Repeating' - The Vampire Diaries, Season One

The Vampire Diaries

Season One

Episode Nine

'History Repeating' - 7.0

'We are never telling Elena we did THAT'

Something I notice about most ‘The Vampire Diaries’ fans is that they refuse to admit that the show has some dodgy episodes. Hell, they'll refuse to admit it has dodgy scenes. It's a generalisation, so it is not entirely fair, but have a glance at the forums or the wikis and you’ll see they can be pretty ravenous. I wonder if this is the Justin Beiber demographic?

Anyway, that is beside the point, because 'History Repeating' isn't too bad, in fact I did kind of enjoy it. It was Bonnie-centric, which would normally spell doom since Katerina Graham really needs to do a few more acting lessons, but some of the set pieces and revelations are actually fairly momentous. Of course the most notable would be that Katherine is in fact alive, and is simply locked in a tomb beneath Fell's church. On a related note, does Fell's Church mean Logan Fell's ancestors were like pastors and priests? So that means that those religious occupations translated to journalism? Is that a bit of religious commentary there, Vampire Diaries, are you trying to be clever?

We see a lot more of Bonnie's amber necklace tonight which has been a major plot device since 'Family Ties', although this was kind of built up as its final appearance. In just the one episode, the poor thing is squabbled over by Caroline and Bonne, thrown into a paddock, involved in a possession then blown to smithereens. Big night for it.

Since Bonnie is Bonnie, she's beginning to freak out more and more because of her fledging-witch abilities, as well as the visions of her great-great-something-or-other Emily brought on by the necklace. Emily has been trying to direct her to Fell's Church in all kinds of 'creepy' ways, well... Vampire Diaries creepy, which isn't really very tense or scary just... I don't know. Not good. So Bonnie, fed up with the constant magical antics, hocks her family's antique necklace as far as she can into some random paddock in what seems to have been supposed to be an emotionally heavy scene, but in the end it was boring and kinda pointless. That very night the necklace is back in her bag for Caroline to find and be a bitch about.

There was a séance. How they got there, I'm not sure. It was Caroline's idea, but it was one of the most idiotic decisions anyone has ever made ever. We have a ghost? Awesome, a séance always seems to fix these problems in the films! I think at this point in the show, Caroline is actually mentally handicapped. As you'd expect, the séance makes everything awful - candles flair up, windows bash open, the necklace disappears then baits Bonnie into getting locked in a bathroom and inhabited by the ghost of her ancestor. Wow  I wish that my manicure parties with the girlfriends ended with demonic possession. Come on, TVD, you had a terrific (if kinda contrite) opportunity to pull some actually frightening scenes on us, but you chose to do some lightweight jump moments while that freaking foul score played over the top. Put some more money in your orchestra, cause right now your music is either disappearing under the scenes or completely over shadowing it with buckets of horrid ear-murder.

You know what was impressive though? Bonnie, now possessed by Emily, heads over to Fell's Church, gives Damon a good supernatural shove then obliterates the crystal in a fiery and very dramatic crowning moment of awesome. There was even a flaming pentagram, though I don't know if many of this show's viewers would get the significance. In fact I don't know if the writers did either, since Bonnie spends the scene telling Damon she won't bring evil upon Mystic Falls, while standing in a giant devil's symbol that had appeared around her. Right, OK. The whole scene was pretty amazing, and we did learn one pretty epic secret - Katherine is alive, and locked in a tomb under the church! As well as twenty-six other vampires, but who cares because KATHERINE! Although I don't know if she'll ever escape now that the crystal is destroyed, but come on, this is Vampire Diaries, they aren't going to leave something like Katherine locked away for long.

Did anything else happen? Well Stefan and Damon spent the episode bonding of sorts, playing darts and football and being brothers, and I was just like... wow, look at all the fucks I give. I don't even care why Damon's in Mystic Falls, though now I know it's for Katherine I'm cool with it. Still I had a brief moment when I didn't despise Damon with every single aspect of my being, and that was at the very end of the episode where he's just sitting in the forest all alone and sulky cause Emily effectively just sealed the love of his life in a tomb for eternity. Ian Somerhalder didn't do too badly, and I really got the fallen-from-grace and hopeless vibe. Paul Wesley did a good job too, since almost all the characters end up crying at the end there, Stefan's much more emotional reaction to the events of the episode was a surprisingly adept acting job from someone who's really only acted as passively interested so far.

So this episode did bring us a hell of a lot of plot - Katherine is alive, but the necklace needed to free her has been destroyed, Logan's alive, and maybe a vampire? There's a new history teacher, Alaric Saltzman, who has like a vampire ring-thing, and didn't come into Jenna's house, maybe because he wasn't invited. Both Damon and Stefan said that they'd leave town, though I doubt either will for very long. Bonnie is informed of all the crazy in the world (that Elena's aware of). That's a lot of stuff for one episode of a show like this, so that can't be a bad thing.

'A Gettysburg Address' - Homeland, Season Two

Homeland

Season Two

Episode Six

'A Gettysburg Address' -  7.0

'Remember that time we spent in backseat heaven? Welcome to front seat hell.'

I thought last week was intense! Hello, machine gun-wielding men in black! 

I had come to the conclusion that Galvez was actually the mole, so imagine my surprise when he was gunned down just as haphazardly as Quinn, Chapman and the four or so other agents sifting through the deceased tailor's digs. Of course, Quinn doesn't die, at least not blatantly, so we can expect to see a bit more of him. 

It all went down because someone was clearly watching the tailor's place to ensure that it wasn't raided, so when it was they had to rush in a retrieve whatever big of incriminating evidence lay behind the false wall. My question however, is why they didn't retrieve it earlier? Why wait until the CIA were actually in the building before moving in. Did they want to make an example out of the CIA? Hopefully this is the case, as it makes a lot more sense than 'we waited two weeks and suddenly it became urgent'. When Roya points out that it had taken two weeks before it was investigated properly hints that maybe this was the reasoning.

Can I just say how much better Roya Hammad is now that she is a known enemy, rather than the mysterious middle man for Abu Nazir? Everyone knows she's evil, but she doesn't know that she's been made. It is entirely against her controlling, dominating character and it is pleasurable waiting for her to start squirming, even if I have to endure Brody squirming all the while.

There is just this one issue, and I have been over it before: why trust Brody? He's a confessed jihadist and someone with a known desire to cripple America, why recruit him into the fucking CIA? You have to question whether jeopardising every single operative on the team is worth the possible link to Abu Nazir.

Just so you know, I'm currently talking to Centrelink on the telephone as I try to concentrate on writing this review. I'm pretty new to this adult responsibility thing, but I see why everyone hates to talk to this crazy corporation. I've been listening to awful hold music for the duration of my time at the desk here, interspersed with the jarring ring tone and almost motivational slogans only a government organisation would throw at you. 'Sick of rebellion? OBEY THE AUTHORITY!!! Live happy!'. Ok, it's nothing like that, but you get the idea.

In the world of Dana Brody, things are just as complicated. Well that's a giant lie, as her plot seems ripped straight from the pages of any soap opera script. Dana gets all emotional and flighty after talking with the daughter of the woman they ran over last episode, and once again we find the main character being the moral compass in a crime duo, with the little known boyfriend being the dick. Why is the main cast always so righteous? Discounting the fact she should have gone to the police by now, we are clearly supposed to be on her side in this whole mess, but it's such a tired storyline that I'm not really on anyone's side.

All I want from you, Homeland, is to give us a story about Brody and Carrie. If this hit-and-run plot is going to tie in beautifully with theirs then go about your business, but if you are going to wrap this up with no ultimate connection then FUCKING GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH. Dana-schmana. I kind of wanted Carrie to strangle her in the season finale anyway.

'A Good Soldier' - Homeland, Season One

Homeland

Season One

Episode Six

'The Good Soldier' - 7.5

Ug. 

Very good. Not perfect, just very, very good. I'm neither feeling up to reviewing or recapping, but I guess I can give it a go today. Homeland is one of those shows that is just so marvellously consistent that it is difficult to talk about what makes each episode worthwhile, almost entirely because it is the same aspects every episode.

So what happened in 'The Good Soldier'? Well following Afzal Hamid's suicide in the interrogation room Carrie has organised polygraph tests for everyone involved in his transport or questioning. She is confident that this will catch Brody out as the man responsible, and thus as a national security threat.

I enjoyed every single polygraph scene, they were all pretty indicative of the character's personalities. Carrie is surprisingly eager about doing hers, but she seems to fail on the questions about illegal drugs. Estes clearly just wants to be somewhere else, and doesn't react particularly well when asked about his marriage. Saul goes so far as to storm out of his first one, apparently you have to be in the right mood for one of these things. He fails in every question, including both his name and the question about the blade. We do have to wonder for a moment though, he was in the room with him the most; couldn't it have been him? Of course, his wife Mira had not long told him that she wanted to move to India without him, which can't help someone's stress levels. He gets through alright the second time though.

The Brody family attends a memorial service for Thomas Walker, the over half of Brody's sniper pair and the man he killed during their captivity. It is his job to deliver a friend's eulogy, a scene that I will admit I was a bit bored during. Funerals aren't the most interesting of events, and one for someone I've never actually met is even less so. Brody's speech was... awkward? It started with a jarring and brief flashback to his murder of his friend which cut into the heavy silence that prevails at these functions. It was almost a jump moment, and I believe completely unnecessary. We haven't forgotten he killed Walker, you don't need to remind us. Once Brody gets into the eulogy, it was entirely without gripping moments or dialogue, with his decision to do a roll call at the end almost... embarrassing, in its awkwardness.

The reception is held at the Brody house, probably just so the production crew didn't have to scout for another location. Of course it ends badly, with some asshole veteran getting into Brody over what happened to Walker and the foils of war and all that shit. He was just a drunk asshole, angry and jealous about his fellow soldiers sudden rise to fame over an unnecessary war. Anyway, during his tirade he lets slip that one of the marines present had wonderful sex with Jess, a suggestion that warrants a pummelling - from Mike. Oh yeah, that's keeping things under wraps. I'm pretty sure Brody knew before, but he reaction during the reception is pretty violent, pulling Mike off the asshole and giving his friend a few hard punches, as Jess watches from the sidelines.

Back at Langley, the investigation into Raqim Faisel has uncovered the existence of a Caucasian girlfriend, a statistical irregularity for an Arabic terrorist. The girl, Irene Margaret Morgan, we find to be the real ringleader of the pair, having received formal training in bombs and espionage. After being tipped off to the CIA's imminent raid of their home, the couple had fled to what they'd been told was a safe house. Ultimately this proved false, as the door was tripped to cause a bomb to go off, but luckily for Faisel, Irene was able to discern this before entering the house, but it did mean that their own side was not out to silence them.

Morgan and her man go to the nearest hotel to discuss their next move. Faisel wants to turn himself in, fearing that they will just be running forever, or just end up captured or dead. Irene is more keen on Mexico, wishing to avoid torture and incarceration at Guantanamo Bay. They never really get to come to a compromise in the end, because while Irene's in the bathroom a car pulls up, filling the room and Faisel full of holes, but leaving her unscathed. She manages to crawl out a window and to safety, probably about to make her way to Mexico.

After Brody's melt down at the reception, he storms out and hides in some dive, giving Carrie a call asking not to have to do the polygraph. Carrie comes to see him in person, and the two get to some serious talking that culminates in a shocking tryst in the back seat of her car. Seriously, it was a 'what the fucking fuck?' moment. I mean sure, they have acid/base chemistry going on, but sex on like the fourth time they've ever met is... Maybe Carrie's a whore? Regardless, it did allow for an incredibly awkward polygraph for Brody, especially once he passes the razor blade question without a hiccup. Carrie freaks, forcing the poor guy to ask him the same question over and over, each time Brody doesn't show a single sign of lying. We are left wondering though, as Carrie has the conductor ask Brody if he was faithful to his wife, which he answers with a lie, yet doesn't trip the heart monitor. So, Brody's worked out a polygraph machine? Probably makes sense for a sniper.

The episode ends with a disgruntled Carrie being found wandering the parking lot by an angry-looking Brody, who tells her almost threateningly to get in his car, which she seems happy to do. Kinky.

So what do I think? I don't. Really. It was fun and full of intrigue the way that Homeland always is, but 'The Good Soldier' seemed entirely built around Carrie and Brody hooking up at the bar, a moment of weakness for both that will no doubt have lasting and irreparable consequences for both. I thought the acting in the polygraph scenes were all fantastic, and I loved the look Brody gave the surveillance camera when he was asked about his fidelity. Ha! Look at all that menace. This guy's so evil.