'Chained Heat' - Revolution, Season One

Revolution

Season One

Episode Two

'Chained Heat' - 3.5

High five to anyone who can spot the guy blatantly looking at the camera

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. The dialogue in this episode is possibly some of the worst stuff I've seen in years. It definitely improved as it went on, but for the first twenty minutes I couldn't ignore the deplorable writing skills that entirely detracted from my experience of this post-apocalyptic drama. 

Early on tonight, our main characters of Miles, Charlie, Aaron and Maggie headed to the Pontiac Market, much to Charlie's annoyance. When she asks her uncle where they are going and he simply answers 'This little place called SHUT UP AND STAY HERE'. Hahahahaha, that's hilarious. So clever I nearly died of pure pride in the standard of modern television. To me it seems like the show is trying to put in a few cocky one-liners here and there - mostly delivered by fucking Miles, who's actor doesn't even deserve to work in filth like the Bold and the Beautiful -   but maintain a horrid sense of seriousness, presenting this bleak and unwelcoming world, yet while filming it in bright primary colours that one would expect on a nice summer's day. I'd like to see them head north as winter comes. It'll be like Game of Thrones, except some people have guns, and everyone's in casual clothes! 

I'm getting ahead of myself here, because Charlie's storyline tonight focuses on her belief that she was responsible for her brother's capture by the Monroe militia. In a flashback we see her late-mother convince her to take care of Danny at all times, never letting his hand go, a memory that Charlie clearly held onto for the fifteen years after that. She explains to Miles in an 'emotional' scene that had she not been gallivanting in the overgrown wilderness he'd never have been taken, and that her father may never have died. Seems Charlie's having a bit of a moral crisis, and I really wish that she wouldn't. Yeah, I know people have issues relating to protagonists that just kill willy-nilly, but do they really have to be such good-natured pushovers? I can see that she wields a bow-and-arrow like fucking Robin Hood, but so do archers at the Olympics, and I don't think the majority of them go off and hunt human game in their spare time. No, despite looking like they lived as peasants in a totalitarian pre-industrial society, she's incredibly idealistic in her desire to preserve life. I don't think that's realistic.

For example, before they reach Pontiac, Miles is attacked by a Bounty Hunter near a train line. I am enjoying the sword fighting sequences on this show, though it is starting to feel a bit like Xena: Warrior Princess out there, but without the brilliant cheesiness. Anyway, Miles of course manages to knock out his opponent, but before he can delve into the man's chest with his sharp instrument of swift death, along comes fucking Charlie who's like 'No, you can't kill innocent lives!'. Innocent? You stupid bitch. He's a fucking bounty hunter, we've seen the movies; he's a fucking bounty hunter, he will track you down and he will kill you all. Because that is his job. Ok, you might not have seen the movies, but Miles would have, and yet he listened to the less-than-two-decades-old brat who has not truly experienced the horrors of this dystopic world, leaving the would-be assassin in a train carriage. I can already see where this is going, and I hope to God it ends with all four of your heads on pikes. 

It was a complete surprise when the bounty hunter turned up again as the foursome looks around the market. I mean, I never would have seen that coming. What's worse, he and Miles have this supposedly tense pre-slap down interchange that just made me cringe with its awfulness. Bad guy tells our resident macho-man that he broke out of the carriage by smashing the wood with his fists, explaining to Miles that he was 'worth it'. Can I get an 'ug'? However, the worst line had to go to Miles himself, who looked bounty-guy straight in the eyes and said 'Give it your best shot'. Please, kill me. 

It was hilarious when the bounty hunter pretty much just shrugged and beckoned his men to come inside, holding knives to the throats of Maggie and Charlie. Go on, kill 'em. I fucking double-dog dare you. 

Of course he doesn't, since Miles relents and drops his weapons and shit down for the militia to seize. Seconds later he's on top of them, stabbing and slashing and choking with freaking handcuffs, and I just didn't care. There's no risk in this show, I know that Charlie and Miles are going to make it out, because so far there has been no single event or development that I would call brave. The blackout doesn't count, because they could have just set this in the Wild West or something. Yeah I guess you couldn't have the solving-the-blackout problem, but that's barely a subplot anyway. 

Before Miles killed the bounty hunter, he manages to get out some information regarding why they came to Pontiac, discovering that the girl they were looking for - Nora - was arrested and put to slave work. That night, Miles ditches the other three, telling them to meet him somewhere specific in two weeks, with naive and stupid Charlie following him in the middle of the night. If this were a just world that you lived in you little bitch, you would have died in the hotel fight scene last episode.

The brother Danny doesn't get too much screen time tonight, which is honestly a blessing because he makes me want to vomit on the Pope. Really, the Pope is apparently the closest to God, and so I have to take my anger at the big guy - for allowing such monstrosities to exist - out on him. Suck it Ignacious, or whatever. I'm not Catholic, so I really don't know. REGARDLESS!!! Danny is once again riding in the back of the wagon, probably having to shit his pants the whole time, though primetime shows like this will never mention that sort of thing - except for weird ones like Fringe. So the militia hears a gunshot ring out through the trees, and they make for the nearest house so they can execute their bogus no-firearms law. When they get to the house, they find a deer strung up from a post, clearly having been killed by buckshot. Oh, we have a smart criminal here, it's just like those people who grow marijuana in their front yards. I love Collingwood... 

It's not big surprise the idiot owns a gun, and he hands it over willingly once he sees who he's up against. However when the menacing Captain Neville orders the house searched for more, the guy freaks and pulls ANOTHER gun, shooting one of the soldiers before being taken out by the Captain himself. When they do get into the house, they find a 'rebel' flag; the American flag. Sure enough, Neville orders it burnt. Yeah, he's definitely evil. Personally, seeing the stars and stripes burnt makes me indifferent, and I find it almost insulting that they assume I would give a fuck. Yeah, I see why American's might, but I also know a hell of a lot of people that are certainly rooting for the away team right now, simply because they don't like Americans, and who can blame them? Hell, I would have been slightly more pissed if it had been Australian, but probably not much more. I'd be confused about what it was doing there though, but the point is that it was a very, very underhanded and pathetic attempt to get us to dislike Neville, and for some reason I now feel sorry for him, almost sympathetic. Burning old glory is gonna lead to some serious hate, and I don't think you deserve it.

The wounded soldier is irreparably shot - cause that's a thing now, trust me - and the Captain has no choice but to offer him a small vial of euthanasia, which he just carries around with him, because why not, right? As they bury the poor guy, damned Danny sniggers. Look, kid, you're gonna laugh at your captives? You will die. You better die. As you yourself said, Captain Neville likes to kill, and you're giving him every reason to want to. Pull a Sansa move and just 'M'Lord' your way out of the situation. Took her a couple books, but she got out eventually. It's smarter and safer, and while you could claim that he's more use alive than dead... is he? How would anyone know he was dead? He'd be less of a flight risk if he was a rotting carcass in the back of the wagon, right? Oh well, they probably aren't going to kill him, because this is network television and he's like sixteen. That's not murderable territory if they want to stay general populace-friendly.

On Charlie's way to Miles, there is a horrid scene between her and that clear attempt at a romantic-interest, Nate, which I won't even bother to go into great detail about. It was shitty, that good enough for you? Kill him. Worthless, she doesn't need love, he'd surely be trained not to fall in love with the targets. Simple as that.

Eventually she makes it to her uncle, just as they come across Nora's group of slaves, which are shown to be laboriously dragging a helicopter through the forest, apparently so that evil Monroe can be prepared when and if the power returns. During the night, Charlie distracts the warden - who carries a pretty fine sniper rifle - while Miles leaps in and frees Nora from her bounds, only to discover that she didn't want to be saved. Nora reveals that she had allowed herself to be captured so that she could get her mitts on the rifle, and refuses to help the pair out until she gets it. 

Nora obviously can't go back in to grab it, and for some reason Miles knows they'll recognise him (from what, a painting?) so Charlie is the one that needs to infiltrate the slave drivers. A small, single-bullet gun is attached to her wrist, which she is told she must use to kill the warden, then the other two will come in and save the day (kill everyone). Charlie agrees, and approaches the militia as they stand around doing jack all, claiming that she got lost hunting. Her bow is taken from her and she is dragged before the warden, while flashbacks are nicely dispersed across the sequence. The flashbacks show the Mathesons waiting for Ben to get something from his and Rachel's work when a man comes and grabs young Charlie, claiming that he'll kill her if he doesn't get all their food. Ben comes out to find this scene, and pulls out a gun just as Rachel makes the trade. Unfortunately Ben is unable to kill the guy, and lowers the gun as he walks away. I didn't actually expect the next bit, as it looks like the food stealer and child snatcher is going to get away, but then he's shot from behind, revealing that the so far little-seen Rachel has committed the deed. Fifteen years later her daughter does a similar act, shooting the warden and initiating a nice little fight scene.

Neither Charlie, Nora or Miles are killed during the fight, though Nora gets a nice slice to the side of her abdomen and an excuse to remove her shirt and reveal the American flag tattoo on her back, showing her to be a rebel. I hope they all die. She tells Miles and Charlie that her real intention for the gun was to take out General Monroe, which is fine I guess.

Since Charlie and Miles have abandoned them, Maggie and Aaron divulged their secrets to each other. Seems that Maggie had travelled to America from England for some reason, leaving her children behind. When the blackout occurred, she lost all contact with them and any chance of being reunited with her family. She keeps her old iPhone with her at all times because it contains the only pictures she has of her kids. Cute. Aaron, on the other hand, simply tells her about the USB thing that Ben gave him last episode, and tells her that they need to visit Grace Beaumont in Illinois. Grace turns out to be the woman who took Danny in before revealing herself to have one of these devices, but unknown to the pair now on their way to her, her home's just been invaded by an intruder named 'Randall', who seemed to have a taser and left the woman with an unknown fate. I hope she dies.

In the final, pleasant twist, Rachel Matheson is revealed to be alive and well, having been living in a luxurious compound ever since her death was faked or whatever, as provided by none other than General Monroe. He comes to visit her to tell her that Ben has been killed and that her son has been captured by his own militia, an admission that provokes her into trying to shove a pen into the guy's face, despite the oddly friendly and cordial conversation they'd had only moments before. Have I ever said how much I love Elizabeth Mitchell? Ever since the Lost days, where she played ruthless and morally-ambiguous Dr. Juliet Burke, I've had a serious thing for this actress. Like, serious thing. It disturbs even me, and it must be what girls feel about themselves around Justin Bieber. I wouldn't rush the stage if I saw her or something, but I'd definitely want to.

Where was I? Oh, well, the end, really, because that's it. As happy as I am to have Elizabeth Mitchell back, I can't help but wonder if the writers realised the talent they would be wasting if they didn't put her in a main role, when in fact she was always supposed to have died between the blackout and the time the show is set in. I honestly hope she was always supposed to live, otherwise they'll surely come up with some horrible excuse for her lack of rotting, and while I am grateful to have her on the screen I don't know how I'd feel about sacrificing the story for her sake. 

If you picked up on that, then yes, I am somewhat enjoying the overall story here. So far I haven't gotten into any of the characters, and the dialogue makes me wish I could watch this show on mute, but the premise is at least intriguing and so far the plot has been quite fast, and now the characters are all split up. Perhaps this is going in a Game of Thrones-y epic adventure type direction, which I am all in favour of. Still, characterisation and the actual script are deplorable, so much so that they make some parts of the show completely unwatchable, so hopefully we meet some new, kinda cool people soon, or else I'm gonna be stuck with Miles; the most blatant attempt to appeal to the viewers who are into the badass, tough guys. I say kill him. I don't even think anyone would notice he wasn't there, in fact it would definitely up the stakes a little for the others. 

'The Smile' - Homeland, Season Two

Homeland

Season Two

Episode One

'The Smile' - 8.0

By the way, this is my tenth review. Double digits! 

I wrote the review for the first season finale of this fantastic series only a couple of hours ago, and here I am pounding out the entry for the second season opener. This whole blog thing is making me wish I had this kind of commitment to my school studies, you know? Yeah, admittedly these aren't my best work, but my process is simply watch-write-post, with only about an hour or two spent looking at the recap. I don't call them reviews because when I started, that was what they were, but by switching to recaps I was able to make them longer and they were significantly easier to write. Why is longer important? I don't know, just a long inbuilt assumption that a longer essay was far superior to a brief one, irrespective of quality. One day perhaps I will become more adept at writing in general and will muster the courage to return to reviewing rather than recapping. For now though... ok, let's give reviewing a go.

'The Smile' was a terrific way to start a new season, but I have to posit that perhaps a show like Homeland could have pulled it off better. To me it seemed... more thrilling? But in a bad way? I'm trying to get across that the show kind of sold out without saying it with that excessive a connotation, but there appeared to be a conscious decision to pick up the action. Maybe it was just me. 

The one thing that was definitely bad about the episode was a character; Roya Hammad. She was a journalist/member of Abu Nazir's group and contacted Brody early in the episode in order to get him to pull some info out of Estes' special safe of mysteries. There was something confident and sassy about her, but when you boil it down she's a quick attempt to make a plot device/villain trope into a likeable and interesting character. She's that amoral and fast talking bad guy that always emerges at some point, who always talks with a flirtatious smirk on her face and is able to confound the men with her feminine wiles. You know what, miss? You can take your 'wiles' and collapse into them like the failed concept that you are. I don't despise you, but I can never respect you as a character or a story arc, so I hope your hinted future dealings with Estes turn out dead, or you turn out dead. 

To be honest, when she strutted into Brody's new congressman's office and asked if there were cameras or recording devices, I thought she was going to take her top off and slut it up. I thought maybe he was cheating on Jess again, but no. She's just a messenger, and despite what they say the messengers always get shot. I wouldn't get too close to this one ladies and gents, some way or another she'll take her spinning path down the drain. Hopefully.

Something I've been incredibly anxious about was exactly how the writers were going to bring Carrie back into the middle of things following her very clear-cut dismissal from the CIA at the end of the first season. You simply can't picture how delighted I was by the process that sends her back in, it just made sense. See, some chick - a former asset of Carrie's and the wife of a Hezbollah district commander - approaches the embassy in Beirut looking for her with information about a coming attack and refuses to speak to anyone else. Carrie is whisked to Nicosia where she prepares to take on a temporary new identity; a Canadian. THE HORROR!!! 

It made sense, and it wasn't just like she’s had a single short beat off the job. She's been gone for months and has settled into a life without the CIA. In fact, you could literally see her tone and posture change the second she spied Agent Galvez waiting outside her classroom. Just so you know, she's now an English teacher, which is a perfect fit for her in my opinion. Also on a side note, has anyone ever seen Claire Danes as herself, as in like on talk shows or on the red carpet? She LOOKS different to Carrie, she lacks the crazy-intense eyes and jerky, flightiness that prevails the character. Weird. 

Off topic, yeah, but the point is that Carrie was calm and happy, then suddenly her world is fucked with by the CIA and she's asked to fly out of the country, threatening to unbalance her fragile state of sanity. I found her reluctance and clear annoyance refreshing, though I agree with Maggie who believes that deep down she really does want to go and be a part of it all again.

For Brody the episode concerned the sudden likelihood of him becoming the running mate for the Vice President's campaign for the top job. I don't know how often inexperienced and unproven politicians are randomly picked as possible Vice Presidents but it... was... Ok, Sarah Palin, you win this round. I won't complain any more. 

DANA. She's someone to talk about! All she did was piss off some school kids and openly and loudly admit her father had converted to Islam to a whole bunch of Quakers. You know what? Fuck you Quakers, from what I saw tonight yous people be crazy. So orderly and polite, until bitches be gettin' all islamic in ya faces. SUCK MY QU'RAN QUACKERS. 

Luckily the Quaker retards don't take her admission too seriously, but Jess does get a call from the school's - yes, it was a Quaker school - dean because she'd spoken out of turn doing the... what was it? Some sort of horrible, one-person-at-a-time debate that was very, very anti-Islam and anti-Iran. I just shudder at the thought of all this 'MY RELIGION'S SO MUCH MORE RELIGIOUS THAN YOURS. IPSO FATSO I FUCKING RULE YO' garbage, so I just adored the treatment of Jess' outrage at her daughter for implying Brody was Muslim. She went off her rocker yelling at poor Dana who just keeps looking at her father for guidance, before good ole Brody comes to her defense by admitting the horrible truth; he's converted to a different faith! THAT FAITH! MORE HORROR!!! 

Except this time there was actual mortification, with Jess wigging out like a chemotherapy patient in a hairdresser's, storming into the garage and pulling her husband's Qur’an from the cupboard and hurling it at the ground, much to Brody's disgust. Did you know that Qur’ans aren't supposed to touch the ground? I didn't. Makes sense though, they don't like feet, which is why throwing shoes is such an insult. Anyway, both sides had merit, even though Jess was somewhat narrow minded she did have a fantastic speech about 'these people', who she says had held Brody captive for eight years and would stone Dana if they knew she was sexually active. When Brody is disturbed by the book hitting the deck, she gets even more distraught, mentioning Carrie's accusations on their lawn a few months prior. Little does she know that her husband had illegally acquired classified intelligence for his terrorist group only that day... 

Shortly after arriving in Beirut, Carrie attempts to rendezvous with Saul, only to be forced off the meeting place by a man on her tail. Rather than turn herself in like Saul suggests, she decides she'd rather just escape him, and they go on a big long chase that's as thrilling as they normally are. I somewhat wanted her to be apprehended, if only to see where the show would take it. Alas, she gets away with a well placed knee to her pursuer's groin. Damn Canadians and their knees. 

I did appreciate her smile - possibly the titular one? I wasn't sure - as she walked away from the pained man, and I think it will possibly be the beginning of a decent into more and more dangerous situations, maybe. Danger is always good, I guess, but I don't want this to turn into a full on action drama. A political thriller was satisfying enough.

'The Smile' focused entirely on Carrie and Brody, and rightfully so. They are both intriguing characters who represent two misplaced facets of a similar coin, with both almost in better places following the dramas of the last season, only to be thrust back into lives that they don't want to live anymore. I can already see how this season will differentiate itself from the last, though I can't help but notice the differences; different music, for example. Abu Nazir is now kind of sloppy in his methods of communicating with his operatives - Damned Roya - and it is considerably faster and more edge-of-your-seat, a quality that is generally good, but perhaps a betrayal of the show's original restrained, documentary-style feel. Yes, I liked it, of course I liked it, but it was not Homeland's finest hour, though I'd certainly continue to tune in if this level of quality is held, because when compared to all shows it is still fucking great. 

'Pilot' - Homeland, Season One

Homeland

Season One

Episode One

'Pilot' - 9.5

'Thinking about terrorism gets me in the mood. Stopping it, of course.'
- PS. Not actually from the show.

Homeland is a terrific television series. I say this as someone who has already seen the entire first season, and admit my desire to rewatch every episode so far is what is driving me to write this review. It is strange to pinpoint exactly what makes it so good - it feels a bit like I am trying to explain why I enjoy a specific song. I guess it's just satisfying, and evokes the right emotional reaction from me. I honestly don't know; all I can tell is that the whole first season is expertly crafted and nurtured by its writers, directors and actors.

It still doesn't make much sense to me; the score in 'Homeland' seems pretty stock-pile worthy, and never reaches any kind of crescendo on its own. The flashbacks are over directed and clichéd; with 1980’s vignettes and 'foggy' sound editing to make everything appear distant. One could even say the premise on its own doesn't sound interesting at all (I sure did). Yet, 'Homeland' is right, and when put together in this fashion is nearly flawless.

Personally, I think we can attribute the successful composition of the show to two aspects - Casting and writing. There are nearly no weak links in the relatively small cast, with even the little roles played to perfection. The two clear protagonists; CIA officer Carrie Mathison and former-POW Sergeant Nicholas Brody; are immaculately given life by Claire Danes and Damian Lewis. Brody's wife is played by sci-fi favourite Morena Baccarin, who proves her ability outside of laser guns and stargates. Mandy Patinkin seems to revel in playing Mathison's mentor Saul, a character not-unlike his role in Criminal Minds. The only not-so-fantastic performances are given by the children actors, though we can hardly fault them on that; however I must admit the son's 'nice to meet you' introduction to his father was very well done by the young Jackson Pace.

There are some moments of real acting greatness during this episode, including Lewis and Baccarin engaging in their first sexual encounter in over eight years, which ends in Brody's wife having to hold back her tears following a particularly rough tumble. Danes is the one who really steals the show though, coming through with a fury in scenes such as Carrie's interaction with Virgil in the van, the interrogation of Brody and the captivating part where Carrie was confronted over her surveillance of Brody by her friend - and superior - Saul.

The plot involves terrorism, a touchy topic for anyone; American or not, and it deals with the aftermath of 9/11 quite honestly and openly. Before then, I doubt such a show as this would have been conceivable, and 'Homeland' seems to be aware of where it all comes from and what it can and can't do if it wants to remain relevant and relatable. No one character is blatantly a terrorist, and they are never accused of being evil or immoral. In fact, Brody's possible dissent to the Muslim extremists - here led by fictional mastermind Abu Nazir - is handled sympathetically. We are given no specific answers as to what side he's on, but we are slowly being led to understand him no matter what. The most interesting piece of plot, however, is Mathison's 'mood disorder'. While no big deal is really made by anyone, Virgil makes a good point when he wonders whether Carrie is either A) telling the truth, B) making the whole thing up or C) completely and irreversibly insane. As the viewers we are forced to make a similar observation - there is no way Carrie is normal, but could she really just be paranoid? A possibly-insane protagonist is a hell of a gutsy move by the writers and should be continuously commended.

The characters and the actors who play them are what make this episode and the show, not only watchable but endlessly riveting. It is not funny or sad, over-the-top or subtle. 'Homeland' is simply captivating, if only due to a perfect balance of composition. This first episode, and nearly all of the rest of the season, are absolutely fantastic. A must-see drama for all. 

'The Ivory Tower' - Boardwalk Empire, Season One

Boardwalk Empire

Season One

Episode Two

'The Ivory Tower' - 10.0

I've been a naughty boy

While the first episode had trouble maintaining all its weight, 'The Ivory Tower' shows that Boardwalk Empire can handle a meaty cast, focusing on the characters we have already met without bombarding us with new faces or plot lines. Almost everyone we know is expanded upon in an terrific episode that is a clear improvement over the little issues that arise in the pilot.

'The Ivory Tower' enforces some terrific aspects of this show; first, it has incredibly strong characters with a cast that can accommodate the harder roles; second, it isn't afraid to crack a joke or stick its tongue in its cheek; third, despite its sense of humour it is largely a serious and very intelligent drama.

Even though it was mostly an expository episode that aimed to develop the characters, there ended up being way too many events to simply recap them. Unfortunately that means I have to pick and choose the more important or impressive scenes, and exclude some of the more ponderous or irrelevant ones.

Following the murder of crime boss Big Jim Colosimo at the conclusion of 'Boardwalk Empire', one would have assumed that there would have been big repercussions. However, only one character seems concerned by the event, that being New York king pin Rothstein. Rothstein summons the apparent assassin of Big Jim, and gives the murderer a terrific speech about an unfortunate man who swallowed one too many billiard balls. In that one analogy, Michael Stuhlbarg manages to show the gangster as both charming and threatening, while still appearing entirely sincere. Oddly enough, I think Rothstein quickly became a favourite character of mine, along with his ambitious and slightly naive assistant Lucky Luciano.

Meanwhile, Jimmy enjoys the spoils from his heist last episode, buying his family numerous expensive gifts, including a 'vacuum sweeper' which got a sweet reaction from young Tommy, who'd no doubt never experienced such a machine. We also meet Jimmy's mother, a woman who looks no older than him and who works as an exotic dancer. Nonetheless, she was an immediately striking character, and not just appearance-wise. While I can't recall her name, her personality was outgoing and her manner of speaking was unreserved and over-affectionate, but by no means unintelligent or assuming. She had a sense of knowledge and wisdom, something fostered in her actress Gretchen Mol, obviously a remarkable woman and/or actress if she can leave such an impression after one scene.

Anyway, Jimmy's period of wealth and prosperity is over in almost an instant when Nucky removes him from his employ and demands $3,000 from his take, something he has already spent. In the end, Jimmy is forced to steal his gift to his mother back; a lookalike necklace to the one she sold years ago to pay for their house. The final twist is crueller though, since once he hands the wad of cash over to Nucky, the treasurer puts it straight onto a roulette table, losing it all in an instant right in front of Jimmy. In both of his scenes with Nucky, both Michael Pitt and Steve Buscemi are perfect. Neither of them ever breaks for a second, and you can easily believe that these men are their character; with Nucky irate over the massacre, he chooses to verbally and politically dominate his former protégé, demeaning him in a casino full of people. Jimmy, on the other hand, is smart enough to know how to react to Nucky's cruelty, but still close enough to him to be really hurt. It is a fascinating relationship to see, and it is shaping to be the centre point of the entire show.

In a fairly short scene, Al Capone makes a pretty damn good mark on the viewer as well. When a reporter comes into the bar to inquire about Capone's boss and his involvement in the murder of Colosimo, he loses it. It all happens very quickly, so I actually looked away for a second when Al smashes the bottle over the reporter's skull, but was able to look back as he started kicking and stomping on the poor guy as he lay bleeding on the ground. From the cut to and the cut from this scene, I swear only about a minute and a half passes, but it is enjoyable, and Capone is surprisingly funny for a famous gangster.

We also get to meet the Commodore a bit better, and he is quickly established as a cold, authoritative man who will step over pretty much anyone to get what he wants - something we guessed from the first episode. His treatment of his servant was both smart and disturbingly rough; when Nucky mentions the woman's vote he calls her in and asks her questions about politics she'd never be able to answer. Of course his aim is to demonstrate the apparent uselessness of women in politics, but it was a clever and well acted conversation between Nucky, the Commodore and the unfortunate Louanne.

Van Alden, the Prohibition agent, also got a bit more screen time, and I'm pretty damn sure he's a complete nut case. He is a determined and narrow-minded man, but he also has needs and desires I don't think he understands; after interviewing Margaret over her husband's death, he takes the ribbon that was in her hair and fiddles with it when he is alone, smelling it and presumably using it as some sort of masturbatory aid. Keep in mind this is immediately after he had written the most hilariously horrendous letter ever sent to one's spouse. Not only is Michael Shannon in possession of the perfect monotonous voice for the character, he brings the weirdest and most awkward person on the show both a mildly preposterous personality and a degree of sympathy and understanding.

I had issues with Margaret, I don't think her accent is real. I know that Kelly MacDonald comes from Scotland, which isn't the furthest you could get from the Emerald Isles, but it isn't the same. Accents are difficult, of course, so hopefully this is something that will improve the longer she plays the role.

In a side-plot featuring characters I don't really expect to see again, some minor success named George Baxter takes the girl he's just picked up for a fun day on the town in Atlantic City. He appears in a couple of scenes, never really developing as a character or providing any valuable plot details, but his story does come to a nice climax. After spending the entire episode trying to get the nineteen year old girl to give him some sugar, he ends up getting too frustrated and decides to take her back where she came from. Sick of his pushing, the girl, Claudia, finally gives in and gives the fat man a wristy in the car, right near where the massacre occurred only the episode prior. What happened next was hinted at when the newspapers revealed that there were only four bodies discovered at the crime scene, when five had been killed. Midway through the awkward handjob, Claudia spies a bloodied man stumbling disorientated towards them, soon attempting to scramble up the hood of the car. It is insane and hilarious, with the pair screaming like school girls at the poor guy as the show's signature cheerful jazzy tune plays and the credits begin. I loved the randomness of it all, and I was actually laughing, which was not the only time that happened during 'The Ivory Tower', having found Van Alden's letter surprisingly amusing. Aside from the funny, there is a lot to love here, in aesthetics, plot and characterisation. The story loves to slow itself down, for example the Commodore rings his bell for a good thirty seconds before Louanne comes to get mocked, and Al Capone and the reporter spend a minute of screen time sharing two drinks together before Al beats the guy down. The pacing is perfect, however, and if this review doesn't make it clear how much I liked the episode, I'll make it clearer - I think that Tim Van Patten - tonight's director - may have done a more fine job than even Martin Scorsese himself did on the pilot.

'Spaghetti & Coffee' - Boardwalk Empire, Season Three

Boardwalk Empire

Season Three

Episode Two

'Spaghetti & Coffee' - 6.0

Boardwalk Empire has already entered that period of wavering activity as the story continues to add layer upon layer of complex plot points and meaningless data that I find both intriguing and over-bearing. Sure, there isn't exactly a horde of new characters, but in the year we missed allegiances, relationships and connections have began, been modified or destroyed, and to be honest I'm already beginning to have trouble keeping track.

Mr. Rosetti is of course the important character we know the very least about. Entirely insane and irrational, the apparently small-time mobster is still fuming over Nucky's decision to cut him out of the operation in favour of only supplying liquor to Arnold Rothstein. Tonight he facilitates a plan to halt the first delivery in Tabor Heights, the very same town near which he murdered that random good Samaritan last episode. It's devilishly simplistic, as the convey of liquor needs to stop there to refuel along the way, since it has the last petrol bowser until Stratton Island. Rosetti discovers that Mickey Doyle and his crew have bought off the Sheriff so that they can make their way through the town without any problems, so after meeting the officer in a local diner he somehow convinces him to turn the tables on Nucky's operation. When they come through, they find the bowsers locked and of no use, as Rosetti reveals himself in the darkness, approaching the men, before presenting dozens of other armed men at his disposal, forcing the convoy to make a u-turn and head back to Atlantic City.

In New York City, Attorney General Harry Daugherty has set up some sort of protection fund, forcing many powerful figures to pay him money to avoid... something. Anyway, his middle man in charge of physically collecting the cash is a Mr. Gaston Bullock Means, a paranoid but well-spoken and intelligent individual, who empties a fish bowl to act as the drop point, while hiding behind a door with a hole drilled through it so he can see what is going on. When Nucky arrives to pay a whopping $40,000, he is insulted by this lack of sincerity, and cajoles Means into letting him into the room and breaking this anonymity. I've watched the scene a few times and I'm still not entirely sure about what they are really talking about, but I enjoyed Stephen Root's almost excited portrayal of the wise-and-therefore-paranoid middle man. As he and Nucky discuss whatever-the-fuck, they get a brief peep show from Mr. Remus, the weirder, third-person only guy who pops up for little reason other than to say his own name as often as he can. Remus delivers his money to the fish bowl then leaves, followed closely by Nucky.

Nucky's other reason for visiting the Big Apple (was it known as that then?) is to visit resident and lover Billie Kent, who lives in a Rothstein-owned apartment building with a leaky radiator. Over the course of the episode, Nucky begins to worry that Kent is not being entirely faithful due to her interactions with another man at a dinner they attend, as well as the occasional call that Nucky isn't allowed to ask about. This concern is not helped by Rothstein himself, who is smart enough to connect the couple when Nucky inquires about the radiator issue in her building. Nucky never actually confronts her, rather he admits to her that all he wishes for is to hang up his bowtie and have his empire run itself, making him free to spend his life with her, and her alone. This makes her oddly uncomfortable, and last we see them they'd engaged in a period of pointed silence.

Back in Atlantic City, Margaret continues to fuss relentlessly over the doctor's comments at the hospital last episode. She visits the unfortunate woman who suffered the violent miscarriage right in front of her, receiving a cold and irritated reaction despite her only wanted to learn more about the woman's circumstances. Her later conversation with the whiny doctor was quite well-scripted, as the longer it went, the more wound up and infuriated Margaret became, as the man did little other than question how effective she could be at bringing about change at the hospital. Eventually she stormed out of his office, before turning on her heel, barging back in and going on a long and beautifully handled tirade about how much she does want to help and how tired she is of his insinuations about her wealth and motivations. The day refuses to get much better for her, and when she arrives home she discovers that Nucky has turned down an invitation to a ceremony in which he was supposed to receive an award from the Catholic Church. Nonetheless, she ignores his refusal and tells her maid to prepare his suit.

In what will probably be big news, Eli Thompson was released from jail early in the episode. Eli's imprisonment almost necessitated a jump forward, in retrospect, as it means we don't have to wait an entire year before seeing Nucky's pathetic and beaten down brother again. However, it seems our favourite foil has grown while in the can, becoming a much angrier and less irrational human being. Shea Whigham's actually done fantastically in contrasting the original version of his character with the one who walks out of the prison door to find his brother had sent Mickey Doyle to pick him up. It would piss me off royally if someone sent that clown to pick me up, and it certainly takes its toll on Eli. However, while the last Eli would have thrown a tantrum, this one is fairly blasé about the development, though he gets worked up when Doyle asks him to work under his employ, which means lending a helping hand on the deliveries for Nucky.

We get a few pleasant establishing scenes of Eli with his family, though I have to question what relevance they will have to the greater story here, though I'm thinking that perhaps William Thompson may serve an important purpose later. We meet Will when he holds back from really embracing his father, instead offering a genial handshake, displaying his rough hands and establishing him as the family member who earned the bread while the patriarch was away. Later, Eli tries to make amends by presenting his son with a present meant to be given to him two birthdays prior, only to be largely brushed off as Will heads to work. I'm not sure where this relationship is going, or if it was simply a factor designed to motivate Eli to start trying to earn some serious money again, either way it honestly wasn't that interesting.

Lastly we have Chalky, who is visited by Samuel Crawford, his daughter's suitor last seen in 'What Does The Bee Do' last season. In a scene as typically enthralling as all of Chalky's, Samuel asks for Maybelle's hand, only for her father to request the doctor-in-training perform a brief examination of him. When he diagnoses Chalky with an easily remediable deficiency he's largely impressed, and openly and gracefully admits him into the family. 

It's not that simple of course, this is television, as Maybelle worries that she does not truly love Samuel, and that the boy is far too boring for a girl like her. She wants someone more like her father, a thought that clearly pains Chalky, who orders her to accept the proposal, if only to acknowledge the hard work of her mother. Later on, Maybelle drags Sam off to a sleazy jazz-club for a drink and to watch the band, where he pesters her about her feelings towards him until he's interrupted by some dancers. When he confronts them, the male pulls a knife and does a quick slash of the boy's cheek, just as Dunn Purnsley runs in and beats the attacker to the ground. Chalky follows in a second later and asks Samuel to escort his distraught daughter home, only for him to disobey so that he can assist his beaten assailant. 

Boardwalk Empire is insistent on providing complex and well-rounded characters, almost to a fault. Yes, it is always good to have realistic people populating shows, but it can be exhausting to have to remember that many real-sounding characters in that dense an environment. In fact, I'd posit there are no weak personalities in this show at all, even Lucy Danziger grew into her clingy and hypersexual gold-digger persona. Damn.

There's honestly quite a lot to love about this world, but the writers and directors appear to assume that because they can start and end strong, the middle will be of the same quality. It is nearly impossible to have a show have every episode be consistently amazing, but Boardwalk Empire seems to thrive on the belief that theirs will be, simply because their best episodes are undoubtedly some of THE best episodes of any show, ever. Yeah, whatever, it looks great, it sounds great, the acting's great, blah blah blah great great great, but this episode in the end offered little new or advanced, and presented the same perfect universe and tone that this show has fallen in love with. One thing you might take away from Boardwalk Empire is this; perfection gets surprisingly dull after a while. Perhaps this really has turned into a really long film rather than a series, and perhaps that film should have ended a couple of hours ago.  

'Pilot' - 666 Park Avenue, Season One

666 Park Avenue

Season One

Episode One

‘Pilot’ – 6.0

I’ve been taking somewhat of a break from writing my pieces recently, which I admit is an interesting thing to do at this time of year, with almost every returning show reappearing around now. It’s not my fault though, since I’m actually in the complex and highly overrated process of shifting my place of residence somewhere new, and the lack of a functioning cable receiver, bluray player, DVR or television have been hampering my repeated attempts to get back in the game. Yeah, that has put me behind. Yeah, it means none of my recaps have gone up yet. Yeah, like you give a shit.

In my first writing day for nearly two weeks, I am bringing to you a recap of the first episode from new horror drama 666 Park Avenue. Set in a New York apartment building, this adaption of Gabriella Pierce’s novel of the same name is no doubt hinged on the success of fellow genre-buddy ‘American Horror Story’, who came to be last year and brought horror into the realm of possibility on television. That said, I should mention how difficult it would be not to compare these two shows with one another, and thus I can’t be bothered trying not to. Obvious question; which is better? Less obvious answer; I just can’t tell yet.

If you consider what is probably the most important thing in this genre; actually being scared, FYI; American Horror Story definitely takes the cake. 666 has a few moments that got me a little but it lacked that pervasive sense of suspense and dread that made AHS so enthralling. However, the reason AHS was so scary was that it was unbelievably over-the-top, throwing any semblance of restraint or common sense so far out of the window it became entirely irretrievable, and this allows the viewer to legitimately feel like anything could – and would – happen over the course of the show. 666 seems to have morals and boundries, choosing to be almost completely devoid of violence or sex; those two aspects of horror that can be so easily used to manipulate our fear. Perhaps it isn’t so much morals, rather it would be the guiding hand of free-to-air network executives. You have to worry about this sort of thing, I guess, if you want to garner the attention of the general public, despite this being a horror show that risks alienating the fans of horror shows. Wow, did you get that?

So what exactly is this show about? Well, 999 Park Avenue is a residential hotel in the fancy part of New York, and it is a quite attractive building. I’m no architecture-fanatic  - I actually like the look of Fed Square – but this haunted masterpiece is pretty breathtaking, though that’s just a case of excellent location scouting. Anyway, in the first sequence we meet the building’s pre-main couple residential manager, who’s ambitions seem to converge on the thought of being a symphonic violinist,because that just founds epic fun. Whatever though, cause as he plays under the watchful eyes of the show’s obvious antagonistic couple – Lost’s Terry O’Quinn and Desperate Housewives’ Vanessa Williams – the tips of our musician’s plucking fingers begin to split open just a little bit, dripping blood onto his sheet music and his nice shoes. The bad guys are loving this of course.

Later the clearly ill-fated muso returns to his flat at 999 Park Avenue, packing his bags and smashing his violin against the dresser. He tries to run out the door, only to have it shut on him as he receives a call from O’Quinn, who totally says some shit. Scary shit, I’m sure. Admittedly, I just wanted to see this man murdered violently, only because my brain was freaking out thinking that it was inevitable. Sure enough, he does die, but not particularly shockingly. I was a little surprised, but it was no scary end; violinman (the world’s least interesting superhero) manages to break his way out of the building’s intricately designed double door entrance, only for that oh-so-familiar imminent-death cue to play just as he falls to his knees in relief. Seconds later he’s sucked through a little viewing hole and out of our show. To be honest, it was fairly nerve-wracking; until he was eaten by a door. Right, cause, that’s just full of sense right there. Couldn’t he have exploded or something? 999 Park Avenue is scary because it ABSORBS its victims? You do that, TV, I won’t stop you. I won’t like it, but I won’t stop you.

I didn’t realise what a profound effect that somewhat disappointing first death would have on my overall viewing experience. Initially I did think it was a bit silly – and not in a good horror-movie implausibility way – but it almost entirely vacuum-sucked the tension out of this show. Thankfully, there are actually a few other things going for it.

Our real protagonists, and the new resident managers are Jane Van Veen and Henry Martin, played by Australian Rachael Taylor and Dave Annable respectively, who offer a younger and more attractive look than what was seen in AHS. Oddly though, this slight advantage was not really used at all, and at their most seductive we see Taylor apparently naked in a bath tub. A sexy girl, sure, but they could have taken advantage of it. Another actress, Helena Mattsson – who has far too many adjacent double letters in her last name – is asked to strip off for the camera, which makes a bizarre decision to pan up a little, preventing visible boobage. I’m not complaining too much, it was just a bit surprising for a horror show to resist getting a little post-PG. DAMN YOU PARENT GROUPS. Some shows can have nudity. We aren’t all frigid old people with sheltered children!

The most interesting plot of the night did actually involve Mattsson. Taylor and Annable didn’t really do much, other than fuss over the house and get ever so subtly manipulated by Locke and Vanessa Williams. If you were wondering. Regardless, Mattsson plays Alexis, a voyeuristic whore who enjoys being ogled at by Brian Leonard, a flailing playwright portrayed by Robert Buckley who lives in 666 and is able to see Alexis’ apartment. His wife is Louise Leonard, who suffers in the episodes best scene; Only minutes after Brian watched Alexis remove her silken dressing gown to reveal off-camera bosoms, the married couple are caught in an elevator mishap. Their downward journey had been short, but somewhat unexpecting, culminating in Louise getting struck by a premature closing of the lift doors. I was honestly surprised, and watching the heavy metal barricade shut on the poor woman again and again was actually incredibly painful to watch. There was a very brief moment of real suspense when the lift clearly began to rise back up again, and I was momentarily sure that she was about to be torn in half. However, the next shot shows her back on the floor again, all of her in one piece. Not quite sure what happened there, but it didn’t matter, I enjoyed it. If it matters, she’s not dead.

For another character, they don’t get out of the night’s happenings so easily. His name is John Barlow, and it is established early on that he is a recent widower, with a very nosy Jane quickly discovering that Mrs. Barlow had died in a mental institution. In an understated and tense scene, the ghost of this woman appears behind Jane as she fiddles with a light globe, before vanishing into the darkness and emerging alive on the bed of her widowed husband. Gavin explains to John that his wife’s return is a rented life, and that payments need to be made. He orders the poor guy to murder two men, but he flakes on the third and Gavin returns his insolence with more getting-eaten-by-the-building. I won’t be so utterly bereft of fear about this bizarre method of death if you kill one of the protagonists with a spontaneous devouring-by-house. Maybe Jane can be chewed up by a water heater!

In all truth, nothing much else really happened. I’m already sick to death of the building itself, though I hope that it causes more lift-door accidents, that was fantastic. It was really the only point in the episode that had me tense – though the finger slicing in the cold open was getting there. The performances are passable, though I haven’t seen enough to judge properly. I wouldn’t say any actors jumped out in either good or bad ways, and I can see Taylor taking Jane far over the course of the series. O’Quinn and Williams are quite effective as the evil hearts of this tale, but from personal experience I have learnt that evil is the easiest personality trait to pull off to an audience. EVIL LAUGHTER CUED AND DELIVERED.

The cinematography is pretty typical of a horror, though it appears to be somewhat less inclined to pull evasive techniques just to keep us on our toes. For example, we don’t get close ups that obscure the entire frame to increase claustrophobia, which is a welcome change, though it once again makes 666 seem less like a horror and more like a standard network drama. Not necessarily a bad thing, though I hope they can pull in the normal audience like they seem to be trying to. Musically, I only really noticed anything in the cold open, which was scored with a nice orchestral piece, a motif of the show it seems as a symphony manages to make a repeat appearance. I’m certainly not antsy, classical music is always a step ahead of synthesiser-based scores that you get in shows like ‘the Vampire Diaries’. We all should note how important the music is in a horror film. Yes, Joss Whedon may note that the score manipulates us into feeling set emotions when we should really be experiencing everything the way we want to, but in a horror we need to be scared, and little does that better than a terrific, over-the-top musical cue. For now, 666 seems to understand that.

I’ll definitely tune in some more, though exactly how long the show is able to keep me intrigued is yet to be seen. Fingers crossed! 

'Pilot' - Revolution, Season One

Revolution

Season One

Episode One

'Pilot' - 3.0

I've always loved starting new shows. With most people, it takes a few episodes before they decide whether or not a show is worthwhile, but the pilot gives you that one point in the show when you can make any assumptions about it that you want, without worrying about there being more information in past episodes or any prior notions that you are contradicting. Thus, we have the first episode of the new post-apocalyptic drama series 'Revolution', which I'm determined to see through the first season of, regardless of quality. Hell, bad episodes are more fun to write about.

One issue with pilots is that you have to remember all these names, faces, locations and situations that you'll generally have no chance of knowing prior to watching the show. I wrote down everything I thought was important and I still don't have the names for every important character we met. First things first though; was it any good? Well... it's alright.

To be honest, I was definitely intrigued by the prospect of a modern world where humanity has been stripped of its literal power, preventing cars, computers, phones, fridges, production lines, anything involving electricity from working. Don't think too hard about it, the premise really doesn't make that much sense when you consider it. Like, if power just stopped flowing, we would die. Electrical impulses cross synapses in our bodies which allow us to feel, react, move and think. Not all cars need electricity to run. Is there still lightning? I'm aware that's static electricity (I think, isn't it?), but you get the idea. There isn't much point in obsessing over the science of it all.

Revolution is one of those shows that attempts to get by on only a detailed and potential epic tale, believing that it doesn't need to spend long periods going over characterisation or dialogue. It's a shame, because the executive producer is JJ Abrams, who I know can write an excellent character drama, yet Revolution just... isn’t.

In the first scene we meet the a family living in modern Chicago; Ben is the father, Danny is the youngest and Charlotte the oldest. The mother I can't remember the name of, or maybe it wasn't said out loud, all I know is that she is played by Elizabeth Mitchell, who was one of the best actresses on Lost in her role as morally ambiguous Dr. Juliet Burke. Tonight though, she's only in the few flashbacks we get to see.

Everything is all right for about two minutes, but I have to hand it to the show - they get onto it fast. Ben arrives home and throws his junk onto the table, immediately getting out his phone to call his brother, who is driving down a freeway with a marine colleague or something. Apparently all the power's about to go out - big shock there, considering what we know the show to be about - but before Ben can warn his brother Miles, the blackout hits, severing the connection. The shots of the power disappearing were fairly awe-inspiring, with the darkness sweeping through cities like a wave. Miles and his friend's perspective of the headlights going out along the busy freeway was my favourite, as the camera panned up the length of the road, slowly revealing the horizon and the faint glinting lights of falling airplanes.

Seconds later, we flash forward to fifteen years after the event, with our protagonist seemingly Ben, who has become a worried and protective father of Charlotte or 'Charlie' and Danny, the latter is revealed to have asthma. Elizabeth Mitchell is said to have died, and the new matriarch is a British-accented medical doctor who treats Danny's asthma attack with herbs. Ben is eternally fearful of bandits and the militia which have arisen in the last few years and forbids his kids from venturing to close to the road or too far away.

They live in a makeshift commune with a whole bunch of other unrelated people, only one of whom is revealed to be at all important; Aaron, some fat guy who we later find out was a multimillionaire who worked for Google. I guess he's the Hurley of this show.

A normal day for the farming community is ruined when a local militia arrives, loyal to whatever the hell the 'Monroe Republic' is. This small group is led by some stereotypically macho, badass dude who comes looking for Ben Matheson, as well as his brother Miles who is clearly not at the township. Ben hands a small device – seen to be a flash drive in the initial scene - to Aaron and tells him not to let it fall into the wrong hands. Badass guy threatens Ben with the conscription and re-education of his children, and he agrees to go with them. Unfortunately this is television and it can never be that simple, and idiot teenager (there is always one) Danny pulls out a crossbow and tells the bad guy - let's call him the 'dude' - to leave. Danny obviously failed to realise how well armed this militia is, and his insolence leads to a bullets and arrows crossfire, catching heaps of innocent people as well as members of both sides. In a sudden moment that I admit was a tad shocking, Ben is shot and Danny is taken away by the men.

Charlie had heard all of the commotion and comes running back to the farm, finding her father dying and her brother apprehended by a rogue military. Ben tells her to find his brother in Chicago and save Danny, and thus begins what I assume to be the main plot of the show.

Charlie, blond girlfriend and Aaron, the only living and named people from the commune all leave together, dooming the town to a series of little to no future appearances. Young adult Charlie seems alright as a protagonist, though there doesn't seem to be much going on under the surface. I don't mind her, but she's kind of dull and overt in her nuances, and I can see the contradiction there. What I'm saying is people don't just shout out what motivates them and how they feel all the time, but Charlie, and almost all the other characters on this show do.

Along the surprisingly short journey to Chicago, Charlie meets muscle bound, confident archer Nate, an obvious future love interest. They come together at a waterfall where she had come for water, with the two of them officially meeting in the single most clichéd greeting I've ever seen; she hears him and hides behind a pile of rocks. He doesn't appear to notice her, but without turning says something like 'you know most people just say good morning'. I could have turned the show off then.

The three continue on, with Nate having little more to do than playful banter in his one scene so far. Charlie, Aaron and other woman spend the night in an airplane they come across on the outskirts of Chicago, only to awaken with three bandits holding knives to their throats. Doctor chick offers them a bottle of whiskey she keeps in her bag - cause why not - which they happily drink, before Mr. Ring Leader drags Charlie off for some erotic play. As she begins to put up a bit of a struggle, the other two start suffering the effects of some poison the woman had put in the alcohol, with her strangling one of the incapacitated men herself. The one trying to get on top of Charlie gets an arrow through his chest by Nate, who had apparently followed them from the waterfall.

Our now four person strong group heads into the desolate ruins of Chicago, with some well designed but not well shot scenes depicting how the city has decayed. I felt that a moving camera would have been more breathtaking, with most of what we see looking like an OK painting. A fluid tracking shot through the overgrown and/or flooded metropolis would have been epic, something that shows the devastation more significantly than a couple static shots of badly computer generated plants imposed on Chicago streets.

Eventually they arrive at the location Ben gave them, finding Miles acting as a bartender while 'keeping a low profile'. Miles is clearly supposed to be the good-guy badass who is reluctant to help people out because that's not the sort of person he is. He's Sawyer from Lost, Peter from Fringe, Damon from the Vampire Diaries, he's boring and a failure to be interesting or different. It's no surprise he turns Charlie down flat, sending her away despite them being family. When Nate sees her upset, he rushes up and threatens Miles, getting his arm caught by the barkeep who rips his shirt back to reveal a militia tattoo, signifying that Nate is a soldier of the Monroe Republic. Good for him. He runs away of course, bringing back a whole mess of soldiers to take Miles down.

In the most hilariously awful and overly choreographed and unlikely battle, Miles defeats a good fifteen of these sword, gun and arrow wielding men without suffering a single wound. If anything, the only good aspect of this sequence was the set, which obviously was once a lavish grand staircase that has crumbled to ruins and become overgrown. At one point it looks like Miles might get a sword up the wazoo when he's surrounded by four or five of these soldiers, but along comes Charlie who crossbows one and makes a run for it with her uncle.

Eventually, everyone's alright with not a single named character being lost in the shit scuffle. You could have introduced a character to die, you know. It's irritating when you do but it would have made it more interesting. Whatever though, because that turned out to be the finale, which is mightily disappointing. The one extra thing we learn before the end is that the friend that Miles drove to work with is Sebastian Monroe, the General of the Monroe Republic and presumably the bad guy.

In the side plot of the night, Danny breaks free from his captors when he discovers the bar he's handcuffed to is loose. He whams his guard with a quick and hard swipe that gives him time to escape, making his way towards a nearby house, only to suffer an asthma attack and die.

I wish, anyway. I barely know him but he comes across as the boring teenage rebel wuss who's going to fall in love with some chick that he's happy to die for at some point, and I'm going to absolutely despise him. God I hope I'm wrong.

He doesn't die. He actually wakes up in the bedroom of some African-American woman (too old to be the future object of his affection), who hands him her son's inhaler. We don't meet the son, and it looks like she lives alone. That is confirmed when the badass dude arrives looking for him, having seen the tracks leading to her back door. She lets them in and they recapture Danny thus thwarting the most pointless escape attempt ever.

In the actual final scene for Revolution's pilot, we see the black woman open a locked door and creep up into a tall tower where a computer lies in wait. She pulls something small out of her pocket, shown to be a device like the one Ben gave Aaron, which she activates, turning on the light bulb above her and powering the computer up. She then proceeds to communicate with a mystery stranger about the appearance of the militia, explaining that they didn't find 'it'.

Oooh... That was... intriguing. I did not come across a single character I enjoyed, though I don't mind Charlie, Aaron or doctor chick. I hope to see much more of Elizabeth Mitchell, though I doubt the show is going to revive her. It sounds strange but I hope they don't, I'll have more respect for it if they don't go back on their word just cause they have a good actress on their hands.

And yes, the story and inevitable revolution look like it’s going to be a lot of fun, but the show clearly needs to develop its own style and atmosphere before I'm going to take it seriously or really get into it. We'll see, but I felt particularly patronised by the stereotypes and shitty dialogue they threw at me, and I hope that the show can improve as it gets deeper and deeper into its mythology and its story.

'Days Gone Bye' - The Walking Dead, Season One

The Walking Dead

Season One

Episode One

'Days Gone Bye' - 7.5

'Days Gone Bye' goes through a lot of plot. We meet Sheriff Deputy Rick Grimes, he is shot, he wakes up from a coma an unknown amount of time later, discovers zombie invasion, is taken in by a father and son, leaves father and son, heads to Atlanta, gets stuck in a tank. Still, the one hour episode doesn't feel like it covers a lot of ground.

It is slow. Like, say, Lost, The Walking Dead spends a long time simply having its characters talking to one another. That is certainly not a bad thing - in order for a viewer to care for someone, we need to get to know them, and short of them doing a voice-over this is the easiest way. Rick Grimes is a nice guy, very honourable, he has a wife and a child, you know, pretty much the description of any main character ever. Of course that trope of the goody-goody hero is tried and true, but it does get old. Grimes spends a large amount of the episode making sure that we all know he won't kill the 'walkers' unless he's sure they are dead - the rotting flesh isn't proof enough, it seems - and that finding his wife and son are all that is important to him. Cause you know, that's different.

I will compliment the writing here though, because it is not that simple. Unlike that unbelievable irritating protagonist from Terra Nova (can't remember his name), Rick Grimes has flaws. He does seem to have some small marital issues, he seems to be seeing the best in people all the time and did actually come close to topping himself at the end there. I don't dislike him simply because he is not perfect, as well as the fact that his actor; Andrew Lincoln; does a pretty damn fine job depicting Grime's terror and confusion as he comes to understand what has happened while he was dead to the world. Hopefully in the future he can become much less of a role model, and more of a human being so we can truly count him as a deserving protagonist.

I should stress I know nothing of the graphic novels the series is based on, and don't really want to. This isn't anything against comics, it's just that I prefer to be shocked by the events of a television show than be shocked by how badly a twist is executed as compared to how it was done in the source material. I'm the same with Game of Thrones. Anyhow, my pure lack of knowledge of the comics means I don't know who dies, I don't know what happens and I can't comment on how well the show is adapted - all I can say is whether or not I find the show itself entertaining and rewarding. And yes, for the most part I do.

The other characters were less interesting than our deputy. Dwayne and Dwayne's father (can't remember, sorry) were effective, if only as a device to humanise a zombie invasion and explain the circumstances in layman's terms to Grimes, and thus to us. What was impressive in regards to them was the way in which the show managed to peak our sympathy for their un-dead mother/wife. She never got a line in, she was a zombie from the get-go and we were forced to embrace her as a character of worth nonetheless. Well played, the Walking Dead, well played. I shall remain aware of your tricks from now on.

Aesthetically, my guess is that a lot of what we are shown comes from filmed versions of the frames in the comic, but I can't prove anything. The point is that it looks great - the hospital scene being a prime example. It was bleak and beautiful, with the only bright colours being the red of the blood which appeared wonderfully sparsely. It was scary, and in a show like this fear is the perfect emotion to evoke. My only complaint is in the lack of music. Yes, silence adds weight and makes us create our own emotional response, but it only works when it is juxtaposed against scored scenes. Here, I felt the lack of a proper musical score was simply lazy.

Something else that catches your eye will be the violence. The effects of the zombies are first rate jobs, if a little over done; missing limbs, rotted faces, slow-motion head explodings and close ups of violent death. I believe the most sticking image is that of the torso-zombie, the one near the bike - it was gorgeously grotesque, being only half a human, with its insides dragging along behind it as it pulled itself along the ground. So slow it is harmless, sure, but immeasurably affecting.

So that is the first episode of the Walking Dead, and while I definitely enjoyed it, I feel there are improvements that need to be made. First, it needs a score, second we need to develop the role of Rick Grimes considerably more and third, move it along. Yeah, atmosphere, but there is only so many well-crafted visuals I can take in before I start wondering what my dog is doing right now.  Despite those issues, it was a top-notch job by the effects department, and the casting seemed pretty on the spot. I'll definitely be tuning in again.

'Seed' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode One

'Seed' - 4.5

To be completely honest, I found this generally fantastic show's newest season opener a bit... boring. Far be it from me to spit in the face of horror fans, but I feel like that this show has had a part of its heart cut out. Perhaps it's this new Rick who's parading the group around in the name of survival rather than in the name of all that is good like the old version of his character did. Maybe's it's the lack of Dale, a character capable of providing a human voice, one that was still able to talk about love and happiness, rather than food and water and cold and blood and walkers. 'Seed' would rank as so far the most disenchanting of The Walking Dead's offerings, showing that this series definitely does not support a zombie invasion, rather it laments that type of cultural dissolution. 

Ug, big words.

Let me be clear, at least clearer for me. The best example of the show's sudden coldness comes in the very first scene. We open in a house overrun with walkers, the camera starting us off by looking deep into the milky eyes of a hungry beast, zooming out just as Rick and T-Dog burst through the door and take all of the dead things out. It's not a too complicated task, and they complete it in the amount of time any seasoned zombie killers would, before beckoning in the rest of the survivors. Three things come to light immediately; since we last saw them, quite an amount of time has passed, shown by Lori's sudden belly explosion. Second, in this long time (comparatively. I mean zombies must make every day feel like a month) the group hasn't lost a single member, with even Beth still hanging around. Third, this first scene is completely dialogue free. Strategically, the silence is to ensure that the mass number of zombies roaming around outside can't hear the survivors in the house, but realistically the writers would have had a reason for doing that, and I believe it is to show both the awkwardness and dissonance in the face of Rick's staunch leadership. At one point for reasons I don't understand he pulls a can of food that Carl had just opened from his little hands and chucks it away, leaving the hungry boy... still hungry.

Guess what; new title sequence. It's not like a drastic change, there isn't any go-go dancing baby or something, and they haven't devolved to a soft focus capitalised title card that floats towards the screen, then glides past while discordant and mysterious notes play over the top... If you get that reference... Anyway, it's simply different footage cut together in a slightly more functional and effective manner, as well as removing the pictures of Lori and Shane. Does that mean Lori might kick the bucket? If it does, do you think it will have anything to do with her little chat with Hershel? If you don't know, Lori - who could be minutes away from breaking water all over some zombie's feet - worried that she'd lost the baby after not feeling it move in a few days, but when she talks to Hershell she's not so worried about it itself. Rather, she worries that if Rick is right about them all being infected, then if the baby has in fact died then could it rise as a little walker-foetus inside her uterus? It was by far the most disturbing thing I've ever heard, and I think Hershel thought something similar as well, pushing that idea aside with little thought. She then immediately asks the veterinarian to kill her and/or the baby without hesitation if one of them looks to be dead or ready to turn, which could easily lead to a very awkward situation down the track. Lucky for them Rick doesn't seem too fond of Lori so much anymore, at least on the outside.

 The group's attempts to find a sustainable shelter before Lori drops a baby in the middle of an infested street seemingly come to a satisfying end, with Daryl discovering the jail we saw at the end of the last season. Somehow, they missed it, or maybe it was artistically presented as being much closer than it really was. Either way, they get there, but find it completely filled with prisoners and guards; all dead of course. 

For whatever reason, about now was when I noticed that walker's groan. Don't you need to breathe for that? 

 Beside the point entirely, I know. So Rick has decided that the jail is the perfect place to make a home at, despite the obvious zombie problem. I guess in this world non-zombie controlled housing is difficult to come by, and thus the jail is possibly the best place they've found in a while, as it clearly hasn't been breached by outside walkers yet. I don't know where they filmed the jail scenes, but the location was far too expansive to have been completely built as a set for the show. It was pretty cool, and it was wonderfully separated into quadrants which the survivors could deal with one by one as they begin to take control of the facility. Soon enough they release one yard from the holds of its zombie inhabitants and they sit down to a quiet, enjoyable bonfire conversation which contained some of the pleasant, character-driven portions of the show that I've come to love. Beth was a particular focus, perhaps because she isn't so well known. She just sang, which means that she still isn't so well known, but we are shown that Carl kind of has a little crush on her, which is sort of cute but also a horrible, horrible omen for the sweet girl. OH NO! HE'S HAPPY! KILL HIM AND EVERYONE HE LOVES!

Bit by bit they capture more of the prison, taking a few littler yards and then capturing the visiting room and a cell block, meaning that the survivors can all hop into a bed with a mattress, finally. I know that a prison is a major location in the comics, but I wonder if its presence in this season hints at the more... cold approach to the action, as jails aren't known for being accommodating or pleasant. I admit though, it is a pretty safe place to wait out the zombie apocalypse, even when overrun.

On that note, the men of the group (and Maggie, but not Carl) decide to try and claim the cafeteria, wondering if there may be food available. This requires a brilliantly creepy journey through the never-ending and nearly pitch-black tunnels which are simply littered with the bare-boned corpses of many an unfortunate resident. Of course they eventually come across the culprits behind the corpse-munching; a whole horde of zombie prisoners, who split the group up when Maggie and Glenn are forced to run another way, scaring Hershel who opts to go back for them. 

This ends well for everybody, as he ends up getting a big bite taken out of his leg by a rather lethargic walker, but Rick, Maggie and all the others manage to save him from actually being devoured, taking him to the cafeteria where Rick quickly takes his leg off with a hatchet. Don't think I'm being reductive, it was surprisingly free of fanfare or emphasis. It looked gruesome and painful, but it really was impressively brief. 

I know I've complained many times during this review about the coldness so far, but this almost absent-minded removal of a somewhat important character's (he's the goddamn doctor!) leg was something you might see in an actual horror MOVIE in which we aren't overly familiar or sympathetic with the people experiencing these horrible events. When a whole bunch of living prisoners pop their heads up from behind the counter we pretty much see the whole thing from their perspective; five people just burst in through a locked door carrying a gravely injured man, took out a hatchet and took a few nice hacks at his leg, all within the space of a minute. The only speaking prisoner is right: 'Holy shit.'

I was impressed. To so unceremoniously commit on-the-fly surgery on a likeable-enough character and then to almost comically introduce about five or six other random guys was...   a bit much. Nothing worthy of a downgrade in the rating, but it just jumped so quickly from one thing to another once they went looking for the cafeteria. I really didn't have much of an idea of what was going on. All I know now is that there are a whole bunch of new characters and Hershel desperately needs to be carried back through the walker-infested hallways and to safety. This is going to end well. 

So what the frig happened to Andrea? Well, let me tell you... I'm not overly sure. She's alive, we see her, and she's still with the crazy woman and her two pet walkers, but she's not well. Seems that the black woman (I know her name but I didn't hear it said so I won't write it down) is out collecting food for her sick friend who had protected her through the winter, which we totally skipped. Andrea believes that she's knocking on death's door, so crazy lady decides to make a run for it, pulling her out of the meat locker they were bunkered down in and venturing out into the world. 

Ok, that was... interesting. This new character is definitely something, but what exactly that is is yet to be seen. We don't know who those two geezers she carries around are, and I haven't heard her name, but she's pretty awesome. No one I know can use a katana like that. I wonder where she got it? I wonder who she is? I wonder where she's from? Ok, I clearly wanted more information on this woman than two measly scenes which gave me NOTHING. NOOOOOOTTTTTHIIIING!!!!!

So, The Walking Dead, what was that? It didn't really set up a plot for the coming season like your last season premiere did, and you didn't even introduce the new characters. What is up with that? Yeah, the scenes in the corridors were scary, but the other zombie moments were little more than stab-slice-shoot-kill-all-is-well, and that's honestly not that interesting. I'm excited to see where you're going with Hershel, how black woman will protect Andrea and what's up with Lori's baby, but that's all in the future. What happened in the now? Not that much. 

Other than present this new season as entirely distant and heartless, I have to wonder if 'Seed' gave us much at all to work with. I'm glad the group has found shelter in a new home, but if it is too safe then where is the conflict? You don't want it too much like what we saw in the last season at the farm. We could do a few more character-building low-action episodes, but the issue is we already know these people. Where are you going, show? What are you doing?!