'Chained Heat' - Revolution, Season One

Revolution

Season One

Episode Two

'Chained Heat' - 3.5

High five to anyone who can spot the guy blatantly looking at the camera

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. The dialogue in this episode is possibly some of the worst stuff I've seen in years. It definitely improved as it went on, but for the first twenty minutes I couldn't ignore the deplorable writing skills that entirely detracted from my experience of this post-apocalyptic drama. 

Early on tonight, our main characters of Miles, Charlie, Aaron and Maggie headed to the Pontiac Market, much to Charlie's annoyance. When she asks her uncle where they are going and he simply answers 'This little place called SHUT UP AND STAY HERE'. Hahahahaha, that's hilarious. So clever I nearly died of pure pride in the standard of modern television. To me it seems like the show is trying to put in a few cocky one-liners here and there - mostly delivered by fucking Miles, who's actor doesn't even deserve to work in filth like the Bold and the Beautiful -   but maintain a horrid sense of seriousness, presenting this bleak and unwelcoming world, yet while filming it in bright primary colours that one would expect on a nice summer's day. I'd like to see them head north as winter comes. It'll be like Game of Thrones, except some people have guns, and everyone's in casual clothes! 

I'm getting ahead of myself here, because Charlie's storyline tonight focuses on her belief that she was responsible for her brother's capture by the Monroe militia. In a flashback we see her late-mother convince her to take care of Danny at all times, never letting his hand go, a memory that Charlie clearly held onto for the fifteen years after that. She explains to Miles in an 'emotional' scene that had she not been gallivanting in the overgrown wilderness he'd never have been taken, and that her father may never have died. Seems Charlie's having a bit of a moral crisis, and I really wish that she wouldn't. Yeah, I know people have issues relating to protagonists that just kill willy-nilly, but do they really have to be such good-natured pushovers? I can see that she wields a bow-and-arrow like fucking Robin Hood, but so do archers at the Olympics, and I don't think the majority of them go off and hunt human game in their spare time. No, despite looking like they lived as peasants in a totalitarian pre-industrial society, she's incredibly idealistic in her desire to preserve life. I don't think that's realistic.

For example, before they reach Pontiac, Miles is attacked by a Bounty Hunter near a train line. I am enjoying the sword fighting sequences on this show, though it is starting to feel a bit like Xena: Warrior Princess out there, but without the brilliant cheesiness. Anyway, Miles of course manages to knock out his opponent, but before he can delve into the man's chest with his sharp instrument of swift death, along comes fucking Charlie who's like 'No, you can't kill innocent lives!'. Innocent? You stupid bitch. He's a fucking bounty hunter, we've seen the movies; he's a fucking bounty hunter, he will track you down and he will kill you all. Because that is his job. Ok, you might not have seen the movies, but Miles would have, and yet he listened to the less-than-two-decades-old brat who has not truly experienced the horrors of this dystopic world, leaving the would-be assassin in a train carriage. I can already see where this is going, and I hope to God it ends with all four of your heads on pikes. 

It was a complete surprise when the bounty hunter turned up again as the foursome looks around the market. I mean, I never would have seen that coming. What's worse, he and Miles have this supposedly tense pre-slap down interchange that just made me cringe with its awfulness. Bad guy tells our resident macho-man that he broke out of the carriage by smashing the wood with his fists, explaining to Miles that he was 'worth it'. Can I get an 'ug'? However, the worst line had to go to Miles himself, who looked bounty-guy straight in the eyes and said 'Give it your best shot'. Please, kill me. 

It was hilarious when the bounty hunter pretty much just shrugged and beckoned his men to come inside, holding knives to the throats of Maggie and Charlie. Go on, kill 'em. I fucking double-dog dare you. 

Of course he doesn't, since Miles relents and drops his weapons and shit down for the militia to seize. Seconds later he's on top of them, stabbing and slashing and choking with freaking handcuffs, and I just didn't care. There's no risk in this show, I know that Charlie and Miles are going to make it out, because so far there has been no single event or development that I would call brave. The blackout doesn't count, because they could have just set this in the Wild West or something. Yeah I guess you couldn't have the solving-the-blackout problem, but that's barely a subplot anyway. 

Before Miles killed the bounty hunter, he manages to get out some information regarding why they came to Pontiac, discovering that the girl they were looking for - Nora - was arrested and put to slave work. That night, Miles ditches the other three, telling them to meet him somewhere specific in two weeks, with naive and stupid Charlie following him in the middle of the night. If this were a just world that you lived in you little bitch, you would have died in the hotel fight scene last episode.

The brother Danny doesn't get too much screen time tonight, which is honestly a blessing because he makes me want to vomit on the Pope. Really, the Pope is apparently the closest to God, and so I have to take my anger at the big guy - for allowing such monstrosities to exist - out on him. Suck it Ignacious, or whatever. I'm not Catholic, so I really don't know. REGARDLESS!!! Danny is once again riding in the back of the wagon, probably having to shit his pants the whole time, though primetime shows like this will never mention that sort of thing - except for weird ones like Fringe. So the militia hears a gunshot ring out through the trees, and they make for the nearest house so they can execute their bogus no-firearms law. When they get to the house, they find a deer strung up from a post, clearly having been killed by buckshot. Oh, we have a smart criminal here, it's just like those people who grow marijuana in their front yards. I love Collingwood... 

It's not big surprise the idiot owns a gun, and he hands it over willingly once he sees who he's up against. However when the menacing Captain Neville orders the house searched for more, the guy freaks and pulls ANOTHER gun, shooting one of the soldiers before being taken out by the Captain himself. When they do get into the house, they find a 'rebel' flag; the American flag. Sure enough, Neville orders it burnt. Yeah, he's definitely evil. Personally, seeing the stars and stripes burnt makes me indifferent, and I find it almost insulting that they assume I would give a fuck. Yeah, I see why American's might, but I also know a hell of a lot of people that are certainly rooting for the away team right now, simply because they don't like Americans, and who can blame them? Hell, I would have been slightly more pissed if it had been Australian, but probably not much more. I'd be confused about what it was doing there though, but the point is that it was a very, very underhanded and pathetic attempt to get us to dislike Neville, and for some reason I now feel sorry for him, almost sympathetic. Burning old glory is gonna lead to some serious hate, and I don't think you deserve it.

The wounded soldier is irreparably shot - cause that's a thing now, trust me - and the Captain has no choice but to offer him a small vial of euthanasia, which he just carries around with him, because why not, right? As they bury the poor guy, damned Danny sniggers. Look, kid, you're gonna laugh at your captives? You will die. You better die. As you yourself said, Captain Neville likes to kill, and you're giving him every reason to want to. Pull a Sansa move and just 'M'Lord' your way out of the situation. Took her a couple books, but she got out eventually. It's smarter and safer, and while you could claim that he's more use alive than dead... is he? How would anyone know he was dead? He'd be less of a flight risk if he was a rotting carcass in the back of the wagon, right? Oh well, they probably aren't going to kill him, because this is network television and he's like sixteen. That's not murderable territory if they want to stay general populace-friendly.

On Charlie's way to Miles, there is a horrid scene between her and that clear attempt at a romantic-interest, Nate, which I won't even bother to go into great detail about. It was shitty, that good enough for you? Kill him. Worthless, she doesn't need love, he'd surely be trained not to fall in love with the targets. Simple as that.

Eventually she makes it to her uncle, just as they come across Nora's group of slaves, which are shown to be laboriously dragging a helicopter through the forest, apparently so that evil Monroe can be prepared when and if the power returns. During the night, Charlie distracts the warden - who carries a pretty fine sniper rifle - while Miles leaps in and frees Nora from her bounds, only to discover that she didn't want to be saved. Nora reveals that she had allowed herself to be captured so that she could get her mitts on the rifle, and refuses to help the pair out until she gets it. 

Nora obviously can't go back in to grab it, and for some reason Miles knows they'll recognise him (from what, a painting?) so Charlie is the one that needs to infiltrate the slave drivers. A small, single-bullet gun is attached to her wrist, which she is told she must use to kill the warden, then the other two will come in and save the day (kill everyone). Charlie agrees, and approaches the militia as they stand around doing jack all, claiming that she got lost hunting. Her bow is taken from her and she is dragged before the warden, while flashbacks are nicely dispersed across the sequence. The flashbacks show the Mathesons waiting for Ben to get something from his and Rachel's work when a man comes and grabs young Charlie, claiming that he'll kill her if he doesn't get all their food. Ben comes out to find this scene, and pulls out a gun just as Rachel makes the trade. Unfortunately Ben is unable to kill the guy, and lowers the gun as he walks away. I didn't actually expect the next bit, as it looks like the food stealer and child snatcher is going to get away, but then he's shot from behind, revealing that the so far little-seen Rachel has committed the deed. Fifteen years later her daughter does a similar act, shooting the warden and initiating a nice little fight scene.

Neither Charlie, Nora or Miles are killed during the fight, though Nora gets a nice slice to the side of her abdomen and an excuse to remove her shirt and reveal the American flag tattoo on her back, showing her to be a rebel. I hope they all die. She tells Miles and Charlie that her real intention for the gun was to take out General Monroe, which is fine I guess.

Since Charlie and Miles have abandoned them, Maggie and Aaron divulged their secrets to each other. Seems that Maggie had travelled to America from England for some reason, leaving her children behind. When the blackout occurred, she lost all contact with them and any chance of being reunited with her family. She keeps her old iPhone with her at all times because it contains the only pictures she has of her kids. Cute. Aaron, on the other hand, simply tells her about the USB thing that Ben gave him last episode, and tells her that they need to visit Grace Beaumont in Illinois. Grace turns out to be the woman who took Danny in before revealing herself to have one of these devices, but unknown to the pair now on their way to her, her home's just been invaded by an intruder named 'Randall', who seemed to have a taser and left the woman with an unknown fate. I hope she dies.

In the final, pleasant twist, Rachel Matheson is revealed to be alive and well, having been living in a luxurious compound ever since her death was faked or whatever, as provided by none other than General Monroe. He comes to visit her to tell her that Ben has been killed and that her son has been captured by his own militia, an admission that provokes her into trying to shove a pen into the guy's face, despite the oddly friendly and cordial conversation they'd had only moments before. Have I ever said how much I love Elizabeth Mitchell? Ever since the Lost days, where she played ruthless and morally-ambiguous Dr. Juliet Burke, I've had a serious thing for this actress. Like, serious thing. It disturbs even me, and it must be what girls feel about themselves around Justin Bieber. I wouldn't rush the stage if I saw her or something, but I'd definitely want to.

Where was I? Oh, well, the end, really, because that's it. As happy as I am to have Elizabeth Mitchell back, I can't help but wonder if the writers realised the talent they would be wasting if they didn't put her in a main role, when in fact she was always supposed to have died between the blackout and the time the show is set in. I honestly hope she was always supposed to live, otherwise they'll surely come up with some horrible excuse for her lack of rotting, and while I am grateful to have her on the screen I don't know how I'd feel about sacrificing the story for her sake. 

If you picked up on that, then yes, I am somewhat enjoying the overall story here. So far I haven't gotten into any of the characters, and the dialogue makes me wish I could watch this show on mute, but the premise is at least intriguing and so far the plot has been quite fast, and now the characters are all split up. Perhaps this is going in a Game of Thrones-y epic adventure type direction, which I am all in favour of. Still, characterisation and the actual script are deplorable, so much so that they make some parts of the show completely unwatchable, so hopefully we meet some new, kinda cool people soon, or else I'm gonna be stuck with Miles; the most blatant attempt to appeal to the viewers who are into the badass, tough guys. I say kill him. I don't even think anyone would notice he wasn't there, in fact it would definitely up the stakes a little for the others.