'Hounded' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode Six

'Hounded' - 7.5

Whenever characters get coated in zombie blood, I remember the eye-contamination scene from '28 Days Later'. 

You know how characters in television shows seem to experience weird, grief-stricken moments of schizophrenic hallucinations, such as talking to the deceased person and such? Having never really lost anyone particularly close to me, I can’t attest to the realism of such occurrences, but for the most part TV manages to make them seem a tad trite and a little stupid, yet Rick's phone chat with some of those we've lost was surprisingly affecting.

Amy, Jeff and Jacqui join Lori in their cryptic messages to poor Rick, who is led to believe that the initially unknown voices are safe in some secure location. This I guess has two meanings: first, Rick needs to get a fucking grip. Second, the only real salvation IS real salvation. That's depressing, though Rick only seems to focus on the first conclusion.

I did wonder where Dale was, though I guess Rick had a few issues with the moral man shortly before his death, unlike the others he talked to. I certainly didn't expect to hear from Shane. Maybe Dale's voice would have been too recognisable early on? 

Michonne has a pretty good day, slicing and dicing her way to freedom from the Governor's hounds. It was pretty goddamn tense, as it was Merle - who I don't really mind too much - versus Michonne, and it was starting to look like they weren't both going to survive. However, they both manage to make it out of their predicaments, even if Merle loses two of his four-man crew, then puts a bullet in the other when he got too keen on capturing the escapee.

I didn't see Merle's meeting with Glen and Maggie coming, especially considering that Michonne was already there. It is interesting that the Woodbury and prison populations are about to start mixing, as Michonne actually turned up at Rick's fence, covered in blood and carrying the basket of baby formula that Glen and Maggie had been retrieving. So who will turn up at the other's door first? Best case scenario would be Rick making a pilgrimage of peace to the Governor, as if he has to come first then we know shit's going to hit the fan. However, with Michonne being the prison-folk's tourist guide to Woodbury, I can't see them rushing off to meet up with the evil militia.

Nonetheless, what the writers have done in one episode sets all our characters up for a hell of a battle that - unlike the Governor's barrage of the military convoy earlier this season - could be an even match. Not only has the Governor lost a handful of capable soldiers, but his targets now have their own able fighter, who knows a little inside information on them. At the same time, Andrea will end up being in the centre of it all, along with Glenn and Maggie. That's assuming all three of them survive to the confrontation, as presumably the latter two will be tortured until their give up their group's location. Andrea's pretty much guaranteed to make it to the fight, now that she's sharing the Governor's bed.

Oh yeah, Andrea fucked the Governor. And what do I say to that? Finally! The two have been ogling each other since they met (which was only three episodes ago), and this was clearly the direction we were heading in. Yeah, I'm sure the Governor has some fiendish plot in mind for the poor woman, and we can't really be sure what Andrea's getting out of it - she did sleep with Shane that one time as well - but I have no qualms with this relationship. Hopefully it will lead to some good quality horribleness.

As normal there was some jarring moments of flinch-worthy violence, such as Michonne slicing two of Merle's crew in half, then later spilling the insides of an attacking walker all over herself. She'll clearly need to throw that outfit away once she's in the confines of the prison. Daryl also got to pull an off-target knife from under the skin of a downed walker's chin, revealing it to be Carol's. This then lead to a remarkably pleasant scene which had Daryl rip open a door, his blade raised to kill whatever lay inside, only to find a weary and bloodstained Carol. Her disappearance had clearly been affecting the poor guy for a while, so more for his sake than hers I'm exceedingly happy to see the character back in the fold and presumably alive. 

The arrival of Michonne, the healing of Rick, the rescue of Carol. All these things seem like a happy ending, even if Michonne will only inform them that two of their group have been kidnapped. Of course, she might just end up being treated like the original prisoners and either being killed or being locked in a separate wing. Or maybe they'll just look at her loneliness, her knowledge and her baby formula and realise that she could be of use. She might have to lose the katana though. 

'Say The Word' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode Five

'Say The Word' - 6.0

Could this be the least attractive view of Laurie Holden ever?

The Walking Dead has always prided itself on its thorough and unabashed portrayal of humanity at its end - and rightfully so, fuck the haters - but tonight I just felt that the chance for some real drama was squandered in favour of an over-the-top revenge massacre that sees Andrew Lincoln working in complete silence as he tears through some unlucky walkers. 

Yes, the silence is a good move. Buffy's 'The Body' showed how much more powerful a silent glance or an action is than someone bursting into tears and screaming 'WHY ARE THEY GONE :( :( :(!!!', and 'Say the Word' clearly decided to show Rick's regression to animalistic fury non-verbally. The title itself is a tad ironic to that regard, though in retrospect the silence itself was largely unnoticeable and a tad pointless. In fact, I think the rampage itself was pointless, and it wasted time that could be spent getting the character somewhere; preferably that isn't the bloody plate of leftovers that used to be his wife's corpse.

Did I fail to mention that? Perhaps it was because Sarah Wayne Callies was unavailable to play a body, but when Rick finally runs out of zombies to unreanimate, he discovers that his wife has already been devoured, and all that remains are odd bits of clothing and ICKY THINGS, as well as one walker who has gorged himself to the point of immobility. I felt kind of sorry for the bulbous thing, especially considering it doesn't even have the ability to try and defend itself against a vengeful Rick, who gorily eviscerates the satiated creature in a fervour of stabs and slashes. 

I understand that Rick needs to have sunk as far as possible, and that for the coming battle with the Governor we need to believe that he might lose, but simply sitting in sullen silence would have accomplished that. Hell, he could have just killed a couple of walkers, then walked back to the group with Glenn. The whole thing seemed to last an entire night, and it was a bit much. 

Speaking of the Governor, Woodbury is becoming a stranger and stranger place. To be perfectly honest it had not yet clicked in my mind that no one was actually allowed to leave the town, although it kind of turned out that they are. See you later, Michonne. If I know my tropes though, soon enough a whole squadron of the Governor's men are gonna come down on our mysterious, katana-wielding brooder. 

Michonne finally gets a little more fleshing out tonight, after so long was spent watching her brood. She is clearly a bit put down when Andrea opts to stay in the town rather than leave with her, likewise Andrea is a tad sad to see her off. I'm pretty sure that Michonne won't get bumped off anytime soon, because I can only imagine the fan backlash that would cause - even if at the moment her character still sinks a little. Still, she's getting better, with 'Say the Word' showcasing her biggest leap forward so far. 

Daryl and Maggie's trek out into the world-beyond-the-prison-fence demonstrated that this show has pulled off one of its goals; last episode's carnage has reasserted the feeling that anyone can die at anytime. I just kept getting sense that something horrible was going to happen to one of the two, who both would rank among my top five Walking Dead characters of all time. Who are the others? Rick, Andrea and Lori. Yes, I liked Lori. Wanna fight about it? 

Anyway, back to the suspense! Sure, the opossum trick was a bit cliché and manipulative, but it did the job to freaky effects. I was more worried about Maggie than Daryl, as the latter is just awesome and difficult to kill. Nonetheless, one must also remember that this is television and whoever the writers want to kill WILL DIE. Doesn't matter how terrific they are at zombie-killing, when it is their time it is over for them. Sadly, plot-brought abilities don't count for much in fiction.

I know many people who watch this show but are certain that Daryl can't be killed. This isn't real life, people, everyone's in danger! Especially if they are popular! I wouldn't say Rick is on the outs, nor Michonne, but I think anyone else could die just as easy next episode as make it out of the season. People have to die in the war with the Governor, and the writers will often pick whoever will bring about the biggest emotional impact. It's almost needless to say to everyone, but we have to prepare for carnage, and I just love that I have to say that. 

I am still having issues with the coldness of this season, but the scenes at Woodbury are interesting me, even if the whole zombie-ring-of-death was a bit insane for my tastes. I want the Governor to get on with the evil though, and stop beating around the fucking bush. KILL EVERYONE!!!

'Killer Within' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode Four

'Killer Within' - 10.0

Hello doors. I love you doors. And Carol's apparently indicative head scarf. 

Well, where can I possibly begin?

How about a simile?

Watching 'Killer Within' was akin to walking through a pleasant, flowery field full of butterflies and chirping birds who flutter gracefully atop the tree line which frames the sun as it slowly descends beyond the green horizon. Possibly with some relaxing classical music playing all the while as well.

Then, when darkness falls a few seconds later, you fall down a three storey mine shaft into the decrepit lair of a six-legged, conjoined horror of a fuck-monster who wants nothing more than to repeatedly violate your paralysed corpse with its seventeen penises, before throwing you back into the cold, wet world outside (it's been raining during the rape) to painfully drag yourself home to find that your mother's DVR'd your experience so you can't tell what happens until after she's watched it for herself.

FUCK YOU MUM. THIS IS WHY YOU EXIST, SO I CAN TALK TO YOU INSTEAD OF GETTING A FUCKING THERAPIST.

Anyway, 'Killer Within' was unbelievably amazing. Like, seriously. Ten out of ten, simply for audacity and extreme - and deservedly titled - horror. One main character gets torn apart by hungry zombies quite explicitly and disturbingly, and another (three guesses who) is sliced open and has a TINY HUMAN RIPPED OUT OF THEM. And maybe Carol died, I don't know.

I took a half-hour break before writing this review simply because my hands were shaking too much to type. I checked twitter, looked up Sarah Wayne Callies to see if she was as traumatised as I was (only to find her death scene was her suggestion YOU SADISTIC BITCH), sat in extended dramatic pause mode and then stroked my dog for a few minutes. Emotionally draining? I FEEL PHYSICAL PAIN. THIS CANNOT BE LEGAL. I THINK I'M IN THE EARLY STAGES OF GRIEF, POSSIBLY NEARING CATATONIA.

OH GOD THE CAPS LOCK. IT JUST MAKES MY STATE OF MIND CLEARER, I.E. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON ANYMORE.

Ok, was there anything bad about this episode? I mean, if I get my mind off the OHGODWHY parts I think I can clear my head. And no, there probably wasn't anything negative worth mentioning, unless the gory deaths of characters you like is a negative. In fact, it might be so negative it's a positive, as in so-bad-it's-good, like KFC. If you know me you'd probably expect me to call out the Woodbury-based scenes as significantly slower than the prison-set scenes, and while that's true I admit that when we flashed over to Andrea, Michonne, Merle and/or the Governor I was overcome with relief. It was like break-time at the office, and it felt long awaited and just as refreshing. Thank you, drama! It's a nice break from the horror. 

After Sophia last season, Lori's death by caesarean-section will go down as a defining moment of this boundless show, not just for it's almost cruel, tortuous outing but because it was actually fucking beautiful. Lori knew the second Maggie showed her that she was bleeding she wasn't going to make it out of this, and so rescuing the baby was the only real option left open. Imagine if Rick had to put down his own (well, maybe) child? His own (well, maybe) INFANT child? Thankfully this show isn't so intense that it lead to that, but we still lost the mother in the birthing process. 

I know Lori isn't (wasn't) the most popular character of all time, but she was amazing tonight, and her parting words to her grieving - but very composed - son were things of glory, with Callies and Chandler Riggs being wonderful in the undeniably overwhelming sequence. Lauren Cohen too, even if she didn't get to say too much at this point. There was almost peace in Lori though, and she was willing and happy to die to save her child's life, although I probably rather go out that way than like T-Dog. 

For him, he's at first bitten when he goes with Carol to close the gate that some inconsiderate soul has left carelessly open, allowing the walkers to leave their compound for a nice feast. It doesn't give him too much pause as it's just a nip on the shoulder, but it's immediately clear that time is nearly up for him. He decides to go on one last mission, with the aim of leading Carol back to the others and to safety. In the end though, since she runs out of ammo he has to sacrifice himself to get her past the final hurdle. We get the poor woman's point of view as she quickly turns back to watch her saviour having bits of his flesh being pulled from his body. ICK. JUST, ICK. HELLO, YET MORE ZOMBIE NIGHTMARES. Did you know that this is the ONLY FUCKING SHOW OR MOVIE that gives me nightmares? One time I did have a dream about Freddy Krueger, but I've never actually seen a Nightmare on Elm Street film so I can't put much stock in it. Anyway, I'm not overly frightened during the whole experience, nor does it keep me awake, but sometimes my brain likes to FUCK WITH the memories of the show and TURN THEM INTO MONSTROSITIES. THIS WILL NOT BE HARD TONIGHT.

T-Dog's fate is definitively confirmed - not that it was a mystery or anything - when the group, fresh from ending the life of the miscreant who caused all the trouble finds his bloodied and bare corpse seeping across the FLOOR OH GOD MY MIND IS DYING AGAIN.

Daryl also decides from a head scarf that Carol's dead as well, though that just may be optimism on his part. 

However, what was the best single moment of the episode came about at the very end, as the surviving group (sans Carol) reconvenes back in their yard, with Rick seeing Carl, Maggie and the baby emerging from the depths of the prison, no Lori in sight. Considering it had come down to the stoic and surprisingly strong Carl to deal the double-tap blow to his mother, Rick was disturbingly weak. I'm satisfied that he realised what had gone down pretty quickly, but in the end he says 'No' a lot then collapses on the ground. I'm not calling out Andrew Lincoln's performance... OK, maybe I am, but because it was FORMIDABLE. It was epic, and what would normally be over-the-top anguish was presented realistically because Lincoln FUCKING SOLD IT, and it was heart-breaking. He didn't even look at his new child, who a traumatised Maggie holds against Glenn's chest, and I can't blame him. There was just so much riding on Lori, and you know he feels somewhat responsible for them not reconciling, and now she's dead and he couldn't be there to help. 

There is something almost cathartic about death on this show. Perhaps the creators realised this, and are aware of the constant feeling of lingering doom which surrounds every character, because so far all the major deaths have been spine-tinglingly good; Amy, Sophia, Dale, Shane and now Lori and T-Dog. They understand that they need to step the death up a notch to help it transcend the death that already exists in the show, so whether it be horrifyingly violent and painful like T-Dog, or beautiful and emotional (if still horrifyingly violent) like Lori, they get how to do it right and have managed to do so consistently. 'Killer Within' is The Walking Dead at its absolute best, showing us that there really are casualties in this universe, and that the viewers can't watch this like any other show. Yeah, 24 or Lost or any other serial shit could theoretically pull off an 'anyone can die' routine, but their characters don't exist in a world where nearly everyone already has. This bleak, inevitable, unflattering end that awaits all our characters, beloved or not, is what makes this so difficult and so glorious to watch. We don't know what's going to happen. I didn't expect Lori to go out that way, and I didn't expect T-Dog to go out either. One moment changed everything from a normal episode which started with collecting firewood and bringing Hershel back out into the world into a violent and tearful goodbye to two, maybe three characters. Is there anything more that we can ask for? 

'Walk With Me' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode Three

'Walk With Me' - 7.0

Slow, yes, but also a bit of an info dump. 

The third season's x-episode presented a whole new world for two of our heroes to play around with, as well as a possible new human villain with a thirst for... guns, or something. 

Anyone who reads about this show online has been eagerly awaiting the arrival of 'The Governor', a human antagonist who rules his little safe haven known as 'Woodbury' with a seemingly kind hand, only to be working a seedy agenda underneath it all. I'm not overly familiar with the comics, so I can't say how accurately David Morrissey plays the literary version, but the character we see tonight has a very admirable and threatening level of both sincerity (even if it is insincere) and malice. 

I don't think any viewer can be expected to see the Governor as a good guy when we meet; his method of bringing in Michonne (who is finally named tonight) and Andrea was less than comforting, even if he didn't actually choose how they were handled. Turns out it was actually a downed helicopter that saved the ailing Andrea, as it allowed the two girls converge with the Woodbury gang and be apprehended by the Governor's troops.

It would be remiss of me not to mention one particular plot point from 'Walk With Me': Merle's back. Yes, Daryl's brother who was handcuffed to a pipe on an Atlanta rooftop and forced to saw off his own hand comes across his old co-survivor hanging out in the wilderness. Turns out the redneck had been swept up the Governor's group and given shelter and medical care, much like what Andrea receives when she arrives in Woodbury. We learn that it may have come at a cost though; Merle appears entirely subordinate to, even frightened of, his new leader, even though this isn't really explored. He just does everything that is asked of him, which doesn't fit too well with the Merle we remember from season one. It has been like eight months of hell though.

Michonne didn't leave that big an impression on me, however her treatment of her two walkers was shocking. When they started making too much noise when the Governor's troops roll up at the crash, she grabs her katana and decapitates the two of them with no hesitation, though we see later that they aren't actually killed. They're just two heads now though, and that's just disturbing. Who is this Michonne though? She refuses to reveal who the walkers once were, she has absolute trust issues and she doesn't even seem to like Andrea that much. Hopefully she transcends the troubled, quiet and tough girl persona that the show has already carved out for her and becomes a real and relatable adaption of her illustrated counterpart.

The downed helicopter leaves an injured pilot in the hands of the Governor, and from his word they are able to locate a small military convoy, which our new villain approaches while waving a white flag. Once he's close enough and has their attention, he and his men storm the troops with a shower of machine gun bullets, taking the ammo and vehicles all for themselves, then informing the normal people back at Woodbury that the men had been dead by the time they arrived. 

He also has a scientist, for some reason. It's known that he is trying to rebuild 'civilisation', though what the implications of this are is beyond me. Why does that involve regressing to the basic instincts of everyone-for-themselves? Surely a group of cooperative soldiers would be highly useful in defending Woodbury from an inevitable zombie ambush. There is something else going on here and I can't quite discern what it is yet. Does it have something to do with his room full of re-animated heads in aquariums? What was that?

So many questions! But that's good! I love to be intrigued by television, it is one of the most useful emotions to evoke, as it forces us to return to the show to work out the truth. Think Lost, though we rarely tune into a show just for a mystery. Again, think Lost, which could count on a stellar ensemble cast playing beautifully realised characters, and then think ‘the Event’, which attempted to depend on its mystery without granting us any worthwhile players in the plot. The Walking Dead didn't have any great mysteries, and it still doesn't. All we have are the questions; Who is the Governor? What is his plan, and how does it involve Woodbury? Why does he have a scientist? Of course, this lucky show also has amazing characters to question with us, though I noted that the absences of all but two of the main characters was barely felt. I guess these people are wonderfully realistic, but so much so that they aren't entirely likeable. Doesn't matter though, as long as we want to know what happens to them we don't actually need to like them! That, in a nut shell, is why the Walking Dead is such a success. 

'Sick' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode Two

'Sick' - 5.5

I'm still a teenager, so I can see the creepy Rule 34 shit here. 

'Sick' is a damn good name for this episode about consequence and retribution, as our heroes are left trying desperately to save Hershel after his walker attack last episode, while coping with the prisoners who want to claim the prison as their own.

In this case, the 'sick' party would actually be Rick, as well as the de facto leader of the prisoner group; Tomas. Oh and Hershel too, I guess. The reason the first two aren't entirely well refers to their almost amoral killings of innocent people. For Tomas this isn't such a big deal, as we aren't overly familiar with any of this group just yet we are easily able to accept the violent criminal as evil.

Rick, on the other hand, is a tougher pill to swallow. In the first two seasons we came to know him as noble and trusting, only resorting to violence when it was absolutely required of him. We do see this Rick early on when he offers to let the prisoners stay in the a different cell block, even promising to help them, but this version of the character has clearly been largely lost, as later on he plants a machete in Tomas' skull. There was a reason, obviously, as Tomas had repeatedly disobeyed Rick's suggestions, brutally ended one of his own troupe after he was scratched by a walker and then literally thrown a living zombie at Rick in some stupid act of insubordination.

This was of course during the taking of the new cell block, and it was all too much for Rick. He and Tomas have a big long, alpha male staring contest once Daryl's come to the rescue, before Rick lets his anger get the better of him and divides the top of the inmate's skull in two. Gross. 

There's an even worse act of questionable morals shortly after, as one of the other prisoners absolutely freaks out and runs away, with Rick showing his former policeman status as he goes in pursuit. Eventually, the unfortunate man runs into a yard full of walkers, and Rick almost nonchalantly slides the barred door shut to prevent him from getting away. Yikes, man. There was a glimmer of remorse and hesitation in his eyes as he stepped away, the prisoner's desperate screams being heard through the door. 

What is with this new Rick? I'm not really complaining, an ambiguous protagonist is so rare that they are like sugar to the seasoned television viewer, but it was just such an abrupt change from the character we know. Luckily I can see exactly what has driven him to this level of immorality, and you get a glimpse into it in the final scene between him and Lori. Rather than simply tell her that he doesn't want to be with her anymore, he ignores her talk of their relationship, even failing to make any kind of eye contact, before thanking her for saving Hershel and walking away. You can tell that Shane's words last season had an effect on him, almost made him push his family away so that their safety can't affect his judgement, and clearly his separation from them has driven this regression into doing what's necessary rather than doing what's right.

For Hershel, his day is much more... unconscious. I was happy to find that he never displays signs of the zombie virus, and never picks up a fever at any point. He doesn't exactly look his best though, as he doesn't even get any dialogue or really open his eyes. Instead, he lies on a jail cell bed while Carol - whom he had taught some basic medical stuff to so that she could help deal with Lori - does her best to keep him alive.

And one point, it looked like we'd lost the old man, as his daughter Maggie saw his chest stop moving. It was even more poignant as she'd not long prior told Glenn that she actually think it'd be easier if he died, but she is still distraught when she thinks he’d passed. Lori rushes in to perform hasty CPR - never a good idea on a possible zombie-case - only to have him lurch up and grab her in an admittedly jump-out-of-your-seat moment, though he quickly falls back under, his breathing back to normal. I swore my spine hit the ceiling when that happened, as Lori actually had her mouth to his, and it was just terrifying. She could've had her face ripped off. Well done, show. Kudos to you.

By the end of the episode though, once everyone's back in the cell block, Hershel opens his eyes and takes Rick's hand, showing that perhaps there is hope and maybe it comes from the prison, of all places. I think that is what we need right now, especially now that Rick has become the new Shane. I do wonder though, perhaps Maggie will end up being right. How long can a one legged man escape walkers?

The glaring absence of Andrea and the black woman with the walker-pets was noted, though the show functions somewhat fine enough without them. I was waiting patiently for them to make another appearance, but in the end I'm quite happy to have to wait until next week to learn what's up with them. 

There is a gloom that perpetually sits on top of this show, and an almost unsettling sense of dread that continues even in the confines of the prison. Any noise, any movement could be a walker. At one point Carol collects one of the creatures from outside the fence so she can investigate her insides - she worries she may have to do a caesarean section on Lori - and the ease with which she undid the mended fence hints that a determined walker - or pack of walkers - could make its way in. 

I still wonder what can be done at a place like a prison. The farm from the second season got some negative reviews from viewers, even if I didn't have any issues with it. I guess the grounds of a jail a considerably larger and more labyrinthine than what we had last season, and with the prime gains there we could easily see a near war build over this compound. They will surely put Andrea back with her companions at some point, and to do that she'll have to meet up with them again, which could happen through battle for the prime real estate. We know that she's going to join up with some other group in order to get medicine for her sickness, right? Anyway, there is still a lot of potential within the impenetrable walls of the jail, but how long before it is exhausted, and we have to bring in threats from the outside? Clearly this episode, though an i­mprovement over the premiere, didn’t really answer any questions. ­­­

'Seed' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode One

'Seed' - 4.5

To be completely honest, I found this generally fantastic show's newest season opener a bit... boring. Far be it from me to spit in the face of horror fans, but I feel like that this show has had a part of its heart cut out. Perhaps it's this new Rick who's parading the group around in the name of survival rather than in the name of all that is good like the old version of his character did. Maybe's it's the lack of Dale, a character capable of providing a human voice, one that was still able to talk about love and happiness, rather than food and water and cold and blood and walkers. 'Seed' would rank as so far the most disenchanting of The Walking Dead's offerings, showing that this series definitely does not support a zombie invasion, rather it laments that type of cultural dissolution. 

Ug, big words.

Let me be clear, at least clearer for me. The best example of the show's sudden coldness comes in the very first scene. We open in a house overrun with walkers, the camera starting us off by looking deep into the milky eyes of a hungry beast, zooming out just as Rick and T-Dog burst through the door and take all of the dead things out. It's not a too complicated task, and they complete it in the amount of time any seasoned zombie killers would, before beckoning in the rest of the survivors. Three things come to light immediately; since we last saw them, quite an amount of time has passed, shown by Lori's sudden belly explosion. Second, in this long time (comparatively. I mean zombies must make every day feel like a month) the group hasn't lost a single member, with even Beth still hanging around. Third, this first scene is completely dialogue free. Strategically, the silence is to ensure that the mass number of zombies roaming around outside can't hear the survivors in the house, but realistically the writers would have had a reason for doing that, and I believe it is to show both the awkwardness and dissonance in the face of Rick's staunch leadership. At one point for reasons I don't understand he pulls a can of food that Carl had just opened from his little hands and chucks it away, leaving the hungry boy... still hungry.

Guess what; new title sequence. It's not like a drastic change, there isn't any go-go dancing baby or something, and they haven't devolved to a soft focus capitalised title card that floats towards the screen, then glides past while discordant and mysterious notes play over the top... If you get that reference... Anyway, it's simply different footage cut together in a slightly more functional and effective manner, as well as removing the pictures of Lori and Shane. Does that mean Lori might kick the bucket? If it does, do you think it will have anything to do with her little chat with Hershel? If you don't know, Lori - who could be minutes away from breaking water all over some zombie's feet - worried that she'd lost the baby after not feeling it move in a few days, but when she talks to Hershell she's not so worried about it itself. Rather, she worries that if Rick is right about them all being infected, then if the baby has in fact died then could it rise as a little walker-foetus inside her uterus? It was by far the most disturbing thing I've ever heard, and I think Hershel thought something similar as well, pushing that idea aside with little thought. She then immediately asks the veterinarian to kill her and/or the baby without hesitation if one of them looks to be dead or ready to turn, which could easily lead to a very awkward situation down the track. Lucky for them Rick doesn't seem too fond of Lori so much anymore, at least on the outside.

 The group's attempts to find a sustainable shelter before Lori drops a baby in the middle of an infested street seemingly come to a satisfying end, with Daryl discovering the jail we saw at the end of the last season. Somehow, they missed it, or maybe it was artistically presented as being much closer than it really was. Either way, they get there, but find it completely filled with prisoners and guards; all dead of course. 

For whatever reason, about now was when I noticed that walker's groan. Don't you need to breathe for that? 

 Beside the point entirely, I know. So Rick has decided that the jail is the perfect place to make a home at, despite the obvious zombie problem. I guess in this world non-zombie controlled housing is difficult to come by, and thus the jail is possibly the best place they've found in a while, as it clearly hasn't been breached by outside walkers yet. I don't know where they filmed the jail scenes, but the location was far too expansive to have been completely built as a set for the show. It was pretty cool, and it was wonderfully separated into quadrants which the survivors could deal with one by one as they begin to take control of the facility. Soon enough they release one yard from the holds of its zombie inhabitants and they sit down to a quiet, enjoyable bonfire conversation which contained some of the pleasant, character-driven portions of the show that I've come to love. Beth was a particular focus, perhaps because she isn't so well known. She just sang, which means that she still isn't so well known, but we are shown that Carl kind of has a little crush on her, which is sort of cute but also a horrible, horrible omen for the sweet girl. OH NO! HE'S HAPPY! KILL HIM AND EVERYONE HE LOVES!

Bit by bit they capture more of the prison, taking a few littler yards and then capturing the visiting room and a cell block, meaning that the survivors can all hop into a bed with a mattress, finally. I know that a prison is a major location in the comics, but I wonder if its presence in this season hints at the more... cold approach to the action, as jails aren't known for being accommodating or pleasant. I admit though, it is a pretty safe place to wait out the zombie apocalypse, even when overrun.

On that note, the men of the group (and Maggie, but not Carl) decide to try and claim the cafeteria, wondering if there may be food available. This requires a brilliantly creepy journey through the never-ending and nearly pitch-black tunnels which are simply littered with the bare-boned corpses of many an unfortunate resident. Of course they eventually come across the culprits behind the corpse-munching; a whole horde of zombie prisoners, who split the group up when Maggie and Glenn are forced to run another way, scaring Hershel who opts to go back for them. 

This ends well for everybody, as he ends up getting a big bite taken out of his leg by a rather lethargic walker, but Rick, Maggie and all the others manage to save him from actually being devoured, taking him to the cafeteria where Rick quickly takes his leg off with a hatchet. Don't think I'm being reductive, it was surprisingly free of fanfare or emphasis. It looked gruesome and painful, but it really was impressively brief. 

I know I've complained many times during this review about the coldness so far, but this almost absent-minded removal of a somewhat important character's (he's the goddamn doctor!) leg was something you might see in an actual horror MOVIE in which we aren't overly familiar or sympathetic with the people experiencing these horrible events. When a whole bunch of living prisoners pop their heads up from behind the counter we pretty much see the whole thing from their perspective; five people just burst in through a locked door carrying a gravely injured man, took out a hatchet and took a few nice hacks at his leg, all within the space of a minute. The only speaking prisoner is right: 'Holy shit.'

I was impressed. To so unceremoniously commit on-the-fly surgery on a likeable-enough character and then to almost comically introduce about five or six other random guys was...   a bit much. Nothing worthy of a downgrade in the rating, but it just jumped so quickly from one thing to another once they went looking for the cafeteria. I really didn't have much of an idea of what was going on. All I know now is that there are a whole bunch of new characters and Hershel desperately needs to be carried back through the walker-infested hallways and to safety. This is going to end well. 

So what the frig happened to Andrea? Well, let me tell you... I'm not overly sure. She's alive, we see her, and she's still with the crazy woman and her two pet walkers, but she's not well. Seems that the black woman (I know her name but I didn't hear it said so I won't write it down) is out collecting food for her sick friend who had protected her through the winter, which we totally skipped. Andrea believes that she's knocking on death's door, so crazy lady decides to make a run for it, pulling her out of the meat locker they were bunkered down in and venturing out into the world. 

Ok, that was... interesting. This new character is definitely something, but what exactly that is is yet to be seen. We don't know who those two geezers she carries around are, and I haven't heard her name, but she's pretty awesome. No one I know can use a katana like that. I wonder where she got it? I wonder who she is? I wonder where she's from? Ok, I clearly wanted more information on this woman than two measly scenes which gave me NOTHING. NOOOOOOTTTTTHIIIING!!!!!

So, The Walking Dead, what was that? It didn't really set up a plot for the coming season like your last season premiere did, and you didn't even introduce the new characters. What is up with that? Yeah, the scenes in the corridors were scary, but the other zombie moments were little more than stab-slice-shoot-kill-all-is-well, and that's honestly not that interesting. I'm excited to see where you're going with Hershel, how black woman will protect Andrea and what's up with Lori's baby, but that's all in the future. What happened in the now? Not that much. 

Other than present this new season as entirely distant and heartless, I have to wonder if 'Seed' gave us much at all to work with. I'm glad the group has found shelter in a new home, but if it is too safe then where is the conflict? You don't want it too much like what we saw in the last season at the farm. We could do a few more character-building low-action episodes, but the issue is we already know these people. Where are you going, show? What are you doing?!