'Hounded' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode Six

'Hounded' - 7.5

Whenever characters get coated in zombie blood, I remember the eye-contamination scene from '28 Days Later'. 

You know how characters in television shows seem to experience weird, grief-stricken moments of schizophrenic hallucinations, such as talking to the deceased person and such? Having never really lost anyone particularly close to me, I can’t attest to the realism of such occurrences, but for the most part TV manages to make them seem a tad trite and a little stupid, yet Rick's phone chat with some of those we've lost was surprisingly affecting.

Amy, Jeff and Jacqui join Lori in their cryptic messages to poor Rick, who is led to believe that the initially unknown voices are safe in some secure location. This I guess has two meanings: first, Rick needs to get a fucking grip. Second, the only real salvation IS real salvation. That's depressing, though Rick only seems to focus on the first conclusion.

I did wonder where Dale was, though I guess Rick had a few issues with the moral man shortly before his death, unlike the others he talked to. I certainly didn't expect to hear from Shane. Maybe Dale's voice would have been too recognisable early on? 

Michonne has a pretty good day, slicing and dicing her way to freedom from the Governor's hounds. It was pretty goddamn tense, as it was Merle - who I don't really mind too much - versus Michonne, and it was starting to look like they weren't both going to survive. However, they both manage to make it out of their predicaments, even if Merle loses two of his four-man crew, then puts a bullet in the other when he got too keen on capturing the escapee.

I didn't see Merle's meeting with Glen and Maggie coming, especially considering that Michonne was already there. It is interesting that the Woodbury and prison populations are about to start mixing, as Michonne actually turned up at Rick's fence, covered in blood and carrying the basket of baby formula that Glen and Maggie had been retrieving. So who will turn up at the other's door first? Best case scenario would be Rick making a pilgrimage of peace to the Governor, as if he has to come first then we know shit's going to hit the fan. However, with Michonne being the prison-folk's tourist guide to Woodbury, I can't see them rushing off to meet up with the evil militia.

Nonetheless, what the writers have done in one episode sets all our characters up for a hell of a battle that - unlike the Governor's barrage of the military convoy earlier this season - could be an even match. Not only has the Governor lost a handful of capable soldiers, but his targets now have their own able fighter, who knows a little inside information on them. At the same time, Andrea will end up being in the centre of it all, along with Glenn and Maggie. That's assuming all three of them survive to the confrontation, as presumably the latter two will be tortured until their give up their group's location. Andrea's pretty much guaranteed to make it to the fight, now that she's sharing the Governor's bed.

Oh yeah, Andrea fucked the Governor. And what do I say to that? Finally! The two have been ogling each other since they met (which was only three episodes ago), and this was clearly the direction we were heading in. Yeah, I'm sure the Governor has some fiendish plot in mind for the poor woman, and we can't really be sure what Andrea's getting out of it - she did sleep with Shane that one time as well - but I have no qualms with this relationship. Hopefully it will lead to some good quality horribleness.

As normal there was some jarring moments of flinch-worthy violence, such as Michonne slicing two of Merle's crew in half, then later spilling the insides of an attacking walker all over herself. She'll clearly need to throw that outfit away once she's in the confines of the prison. Daryl also got to pull an off-target knife from under the skin of a downed walker's chin, revealing it to be Carol's. This then lead to a remarkably pleasant scene which had Daryl rip open a door, his blade raised to kill whatever lay inside, only to find a weary and bloodstained Carol. Her disappearance had clearly been affecting the poor guy for a while, so more for his sake than hers I'm exceedingly happy to see the character back in the fold and presumably alive. 

The arrival of Michonne, the healing of Rick, the rescue of Carol. All these things seem like a happy ending, even if Michonne will only inform them that two of their group have been kidnapped. Of course, she might just end up being treated like the original prisoners and either being killed or being locked in a separate wing. Or maybe they'll just look at her loneliness, her knowledge and her baby formula and realise that she could be of use. She might have to lose the katana though. 

'Say The Word' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode Five

'Say The Word' - 6.0

Could this be the least attractive view of Laurie Holden ever?

The Walking Dead has always prided itself on its thorough and unabashed portrayal of humanity at its end - and rightfully so, fuck the haters - but tonight I just felt that the chance for some real drama was squandered in favour of an over-the-top revenge massacre that sees Andrew Lincoln working in complete silence as he tears through some unlucky walkers. 

Yes, the silence is a good move. Buffy's 'The Body' showed how much more powerful a silent glance or an action is than someone bursting into tears and screaming 'WHY ARE THEY GONE :( :( :(!!!', and 'Say the Word' clearly decided to show Rick's regression to animalistic fury non-verbally. The title itself is a tad ironic to that regard, though in retrospect the silence itself was largely unnoticeable and a tad pointless. In fact, I think the rampage itself was pointless, and it wasted time that could be spent getting the character somewhere; preferably that isn't the bloody plate of leftovers that used to be his wife's corpse.

Did I fail to mention that? Perhaps it was because Sarah Wayne Callies was unavailable to play a body, but when Rick finally runs out of zombies to unreanimate, he discovers that his wife has already been devoured, and all that remains are odd bits of clothing and ICKY THINGS, as well as one walker who has gorged himself to the point of immobility. I felt kind of sorry for the bulbous thing, especially considering it doesn't even have the ability to try and defend itself against a vengeful Rick, who gorily eviscerates the satiated creature in a fervour of stabs and slashes. 

I understand that Rick needs to have sunk as far as possible, and that for the coming battle with the Governor we need to believe that he might lose, but simply sitting in sullen silence would have accomplished that. Hell, he could have just killed a couple of walkers, then walked back to the group with Glenn. The whole thing seemed to last an entire night, and it was a bit much. 

Speaking of the Governor, Woodbury is becoming a stranger and stranger place. To be perfectly honest it had not yet clicked in my mind that no one was actually allowed to leave the town, although it kind of turned out that they are. See you later, Michonne. If I know my tropes though, soon enough a whole squadron of the Governor's men are gonna come down on our mysterious, katana-wielding brooder. 

Michonne finally gets a little more fleshing out tonight, after so long was spent watching her brood. She is clearly a bit put down when Andrea opts to stay in the town rather than leave with her, likewise Andrea is a tad sad to see her off. I'm pretty sure that Michonne won't get bumped off anytime soon, because I can only imagine the fan backlash that would cause - even if at the moment her character still sinks a little. Still, she's getting better, with 'Say the Word' showcasing her biggest leap forward so far. 

Daryl and Maggie's trek out into the world-beyond-the-prison-fence demonstrated that this show has pulled off one of its goals; last episode's carnage has reasserted the feeling that anyone can die at anytime. I just kept getting sense that something horrible was going to happen to one of the two, who both would rank among my top five Walking Dead characters of all time. Who are the others? Rick, Andrea and Lori. Yes, I liked Lori. Wanna fight about it? 

Anyway, back to the suspense! Sure, the opossum trick was a bit cliché and manipulative, but it did the job to freaky effects. I was more worried about Maggie than Daryl, as the latter is just awesome and difficult to kill. Nonetheless, one must also remember that this is television and whoever the writers want to kill WILL DIE. Doesn't matter how terrific they are at zombie-killing, when it is their time it is over for them. Sadly, plot-brought abilities don't count for much in fiction.

I know many people who watch this show but are certain that Daryl can't be killed. This isn't real life, people, everyone's in danger! Especially if they are popular! I wouldn't say Rick is on the outs, nor Michonne, but I think anyone else could die just as easy next episode as make it out of the season. People have to die in the war with the Governor, and the writers will often pick whoever will bring about the biggest emotional impact. It's almost needless to say to everyone, but we have to prepare for carnage, and I just love that I have to say that. 

I am still having issues with the coldness of this season, but the scenes at Woodbury are interesting me, even if the whole zombie-ring-of-death was a bit insane for my tastes. I want the Governor to get on with the evil though, and stop beating around the fucking bush. KILL EVERYONE!!!

'The Milkmaid's Lot' - Boardwalk Empire, Season Three

Boardwalk Empire

Season Three

Episode Nine

'Where's My Funny Hat? The Milkmaid's Lot' - 9.0

Groin-grabbingly transcendent

What is particularly fun about this terrific children's tale of a sadistic and sociopathic gangster's longing hunt for a particularly audacious head dress is Nucky's fall from grace, to be clichéd. The Nucky Thompson we know: in control, sly, focused and witty, the master of a double life; is broken following a concussion suffered in the explosion of Babette's as well as the loss of his current love, Billy Kent.

Billy Kent represented Nucky's complete lack of awareness and cohesion, as throughout the episode his worst moments are signified by a dream-like flashback to the peroxide-haired flapper standing amidst sinking ashes, as her surviving lover's mind only hears the whining of acute tinnitus. It's powerful stuff, but also a bit of a cliché in itself, although it is used to full and worthwhile effect. Sometimes it is just unavoidable to use a cliché, but when it works it works, so who cares?

To be honest, Nucky's verbal and mental slips came thick and fast and I absolutely adored it. I'm certainly not saying I enjoyed his apparent dementia, but I found the massive contrast between this post-trauma version of the character with the normal, strong Nucky was so intense that it couldn't have failed. We have never seen the man this down-and-out, and it was marvellous. Has Steve Buscemi won any awards for this role yet, because sometimes I feel like they should just give him the big Emmy statue that stands behind the hosts. Probably split it with Claire Danes... 

Let's try and compile a list of Nucky's brain farts: (in no particular order)

• ·         Tried to get his doctor to call Eddie over, except he was actually looking for Eli
• ·         Thought he said 'Eli'
• ·         Wants to know why there isn't a pony for Emily's birthday party, after telling Owen and Margaret not to buy one last week.
• ·         Mistakes Chalky White (WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?) for a servant
• ·         Goes absolutely over the top after Gyp calls up to mock the loss of Billy
• ·         Has to be held back by Eli, whom he fails to recognise.
• ·         Doesn't understand why there's a party in his suite when he walks in on Emily's birthday.
• ·         Calls Margaret 'Mabel' - My personal favourite
• ·         Asks if Emily's ridden her pony
• ·         Gives her like half the birthday cake after he tears it apart. 
• ·         Gets confused by Margaret and starts talking about the explosion.
• ·         Collapses.
• ·         He asks Margaret if she found her missing earring, as in Billy's from last episode.
• ·         Returns it to her once he finds it in the bathroom, to her confusion. 

This last event leads to Margaret - who I think is feeling a tad guilty after seemingly agreeing to run away with Owen - coming clean about his current condition by informing him about the earrings' real owner's demise. With this now burnt into his mind, Nucky finally recalls the death of Billy in a brilliantly beautiful flashback, and he is able to regain a large part of his composure before strutting out to call his fellow gangsters to arms against the Gyp Rosetti and Joe Masseria threat.

I was equally impressed by the complete brush off his business partners gave him, essentially damning our hero to dying alone. Surely now would be the time to remember 'Sunday Best', in which Rosetti made an oath to Masseria to kill every single one of the other big league masters. We'll come to that later, and that will bring Torrio, Rothstein and the other guys back into the war. Rosetti just has to fuck up by attacking one of them.

What did you think of Gyp Rosetti's hat? I liked its outlandish and completely-off-his-rocker aesthetic. I'm sure captain's hats or whatever the fuck that was will be an amazing fashion trend that will sweep the universe over the next few years. His plan to get the Tabor Heights people on his side was a bit weird, it seemed to be like an expensive way of achieving something he could have done with fear. Didn't he immolate the last sheriff and beat this one? You'd think the residents of this sleepy coastal town would have cottoned onto the sheer intimidating force that is Gyp Rosetti.

And Margaret and Owen? Who cares? I'd rather see Margaret with Nucky, Owen is an entirely uninteresting character now that we've gotten to know him, and he's annoyingly soft-spoken for a known killer. Similarly, I've come to dislike Richard Harrow's story because it seems largely irrelevant and boring. We go from Nucky having to organise a war while suffering from a concussion to a guy with a burnt facing getting some lip action. Also, nice standards girl. I get that you are noble because you are willing to look past his imperfections and see the beautiful man within, but we all have limits. I like my prospective partners to have at least 90% of their face NOT made of plastic or metal or something artificial. Also, preferably I like most of the face to still be present. It may be asking a lot, but I'm happy to have high standards.

Before I bow out for the night, let's discuss two scenes. First, my 'that-poor-actor' scene of the night goes to the poor child actor playing young Tommy, who walks in on his favourite whore engaging in less-than-vanilla sex with her current customer. It was a rotating shot that went from the two going at it doggy-style to the boy coming in through the door, the man's arse still gyrating in the adjacent mirror. Unless there was an annoying level of CGI, they just put the kid in the middle of a very unfriendly scene. I don't know how I feel about that.

Second, my favourite moment, and that would have to go to another so-far-unmentioned brain fart, as Nucky asks Margaret to stay with him will he conducts his business with Eli and Owen. The poor woman has to sit there while he loudly exclaims wonderful images such as 'I'll wear that fucking dago's guts as a neck tie', giving Margaret a nice cold dip in the waters of Nucky's gangster life. It was probably a deciding moment for the woman, who shortly after tells Owen they are hightailing it out of Atlantic City as soon as possible.

TADAH!!! Funny hat dance! No, not really, but I could never put anything past Gyp Rosetti, and that's why he's such a fun character to see on screen. Gods be good he'll pipe up for the final few episodes before taking a wondrous and memorable bow out. Anyone with me? 

'The Pony' - Boardwalk Empire, Season Three

Boardwalk Empire

Season Three

Episode Eight

'The Pony' - 8.5

How awesome is this?!

To say we just entered season three's climax would be an understatement. The murder of Jimmy Darmody aside, the explosion and thus destruction of series-long hang-out Babettes is one of this show's more audacious and dramatic manoeuvres, only furthered by the fact it clearly - well, hopefully - takes out a seemingly important recurring character. 'The Pony' looks to be the last hoorah for new girl-on-the-block Meg Chambers Steedle, who's role as flapper-girl Billy Kent comes to a fiery end. 

I definitely didn't have an issue with Kent, and considering she was an obstacle for Nucky and Margaret's relationship, I probably liked her. Relatively. In fact, her character is one of only a few that deserves to have great amounts of exposition devoted to them, an exclusive list that includes largely unexplored characters like Owen Sleater, Gaston Means and Gyp Rosetti, all of whom appear tonight. Anyway, Kent actually gets a nice focus in the lead up to her death, with 'The Pony' doing what shock-death episodes do best; making them seem important so we don't expect them to die, as well as building up as much sympathy as possible.

It does that perfectly. Really, by episode's explosive end I had come to respect Billy as strong, outspoken and occasionally hilarious, with her stand-out scenes being her terrific audition for her first motion picture and her handling of Nucky's violent introduction to her possible co-star. Together the scenes didn't just prove the character as successful, but also made Steedle out to be damn good in the role. She is almost the perfect flapper girl, as seen during her audition where she acts out a silent movie-scenario with comedic grace and 1920's slapstick. Very nice.

There was something very majestic about her eventual loss, as hers is the last face we get a good look at before the building explodes out across the boardwalk, with Nucky's perception of sight and sound being focussed onto only her; the voices of Rothstein, Baxter and Luciano being reduced to static murmurs, before flames erupt from within Babettes and everything happens. It was filmed and composed largely without originality, as from the second we see the group walking together and the dialogue is in that pre-catastrophic state of pointlessness I could tell hell was about to break loose. Nonetheless, when it does actually happen it was spectacular and highly devastating.

It will come as no surprise that the bombing was a result of - probably - Gyp Rosetti, as he's alerted to the meeting by none other than Gillian Darmody, who is bitter after receiving a visit from her son's killer. I think I've said it before so far this season, but I don't think Gillian's going to make it out alive, as she's already done the sort of acts that earned Jimmy a bullet in the brain. I'd be sad to see Gretchen Mol out, but at the same time her character has served a brilliant tenure on the show and is pretty much dead weight without Jimmy. 

I appreciated the fleshing out of Van Alden's Norwegian wife, who establishes herself as something of a criminal thinker as she prepares to go into the liquor business for her and her husband's livelihood. At first the character was almost a racist joke, but I've decided I don't mind her. She's a bit of fun. 

Van Alden, or Mueller or whatever, also has some fun tonight when he goes absolutely INSANE at his place of occupation. After running through a few mocking jokes while doing a practice sales pitch, an unlucky colleague of Nelson's gets one of these fancy irons pressed against his face and left moaning and groaning on the floor as the former Prohibition agent goes schizo throwing papers about and breaking office equipment. It was both cringe worthy and hilarious, and not many other actors on this show can manage that, though I have to wonder if the writers are going to explore the consequences of his assault or not. 

There was actual plot tonight as well, as Nucky manages to avoid being arrested again by getting the secretary for something-or-other to arrest George Remus instead. I guess we won't get to see anymore of the third-person-speaking whacko. No big loss there.

So, yeah. That was a pretty fantastic ride for everyone involved, and I will definitely be sad to see Billy Kent lost from this show, though I am happy to see that she got to go out with an extra special bang that should have repercussions for the remainder of the season, if not the entire show. Though I shed not a tear, I still feel the pain. 

'Killer Within' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode Four

'Killer Within' - 10.0

Hello doors. I love you doors. And Carol's apparently indicative head scarf. 

Well, where can I possibly begin?

How about a simile?

Watching 'Killer Within' was akin to walking through a pleasant, flowery field full of butterflies and chirping birds who flutter gracefully atop the tree line which frames the sun as it slowly descends beyond the green horizon. Possibly with some relaxing classical music playing all the while as well.

Then, when darkness falls a few seconds later, you fall down a three storey mine shaft into the decrepit lair of a six-legged, conjoined horror of a fuck-monster who wants nothing more than to repeatedly violate your paralysed corpse with its seventeen penises, before throwing you back into the cold, wet world outside (it's been raining during the rape) to painfully drag yourself home to find that your mother's DVR'd your experience so you can't tell what happens until after she's watched it for herself.

FUCK YOU MUM. THIS IS WHY YOU EXIST, SO I CAN TALK TO YOU INSTEAD OF GETTING A FUCKING THERAPIST.

Anyway, 'Killer Within' was unbelievably amazing. Like, seriously. Ten out of ten, simply for audacity and extreme - and deservedly titled - horror. One main character gets torn apart by hungry zombies quite explicitly and disturbingly, and another (three guesses who) is sliced open and has a TINY HUMAN RIPPED OUT OF THEM. And maybe Carol died, I don't know.

I took a half-hour break before writing this review simply because my hands were shaking too much to type. I checked twitter, looked up Sarah Wayne Callies to see if she was as traumatised as I was (only to find her death scene was her suggestion YOU SADISTIC BITCH), sat in extended dramatic pause mode and then stroked my dog for a few minutes. Emotionally draining? I FEEL PHYSICAL PAIN. THIS CANNOT BE LEGAL. I THINK I'M IN THE EARLY STAGES OF GRIEF, POSSIBLY NEARING CATATONIA.

OH GOD THE CAPS LOCK. IT JUST MAKES MY STATE OF MIND CLEARER, I.E. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON ANYMORE.

Ok, was there anything bad about this episode? I mean, if I get my mind off the OHGODWHY parts I think I can clear my head. And no, there probably wasn't anything negative worth mentioning, unless the gory deaths of characters you like is a negative. In fact, it might be so negative it's a positive, as in so-bad-it's-good, like KFC. If you know me you'd probably expect me to call out the Woodbury-based scenes as significantly slower than the prison-set scenes, and while that's true I admit that when we flashed over to Andrea, Michonne, Merle and/or the Governor I was overcome with relief. It was like break-time at the office, and it felt long awaited and just as refreshing. Thank you, drama! It's a nice break from the horror. 

After Sophia last season, Lori's death by caesarean-section will go down as a defining moment of this boundless show, not just for it's almost cruel, tortuous outing but because it was actually fucking beautiful. Lori knew the second Maggie showed her that she was bleeding she wasn't going to make it out of this, and so rescuing the baby was the only real option left open. Imagine if Rick had to put down his own (well, maybe) child? His own (well, maybe) INFANT child? Thankfully this show isn't so intense that it lead to that, but we still lost the mother in the birthing process. 

I know Lori isn't (wasn't) the most popular character of all time, but she was amazing tonight, and her parting words to her grieving - but very composed - son were things of glory, with Callies and Chandler Riggs being wonderful in the undeniably overwhelming sequence. Lauren Cohen too, even if she didn't get to say too much at this point. There was almost peace in Lori though, and she was willing and happy to die to save her child's life, although I probably rather go out that way than like T-Dog. 

For him, he's at first bitten when he goes with Carol to close the gate that some inconsiderate soul has left carelessly open, allowing the walkers to leave their compound for a nice feast. It doesn't give him too much pause as it's just a nip on the shoulder, but it's immediately clear that time is nearly up for him. He decides to go on one last mission, with the aim of leading Carol back to the others and to safety. In the end though, since she runs out of ammo he has to sacrifice himself to get her past the final hurdle. We get the poor woman's point of view as she quickly turns back to watch her saviour having bits of his flesh being pulled from his body. ICK. JUST, ICK. HELLO, YET MORE ZOMBIE NIGHTMARES. Did you know that this is the ONLY FUCKING SHOW OR MOVIE that gives me nightmares? One time I did have a dream about Freddy Krueger, but I've never actually seen a Nightmare on Elm Street film so I can't put much stock in it. Anyway, I'm not overly frightened during the whole experience, nor does it keep me awake, but sometimes my brain likes to FUCK WITH the memories of the show and TURN THEM INTO MONSTROSITIES. THIS WILL NOT BE HARD TONIGHT.

T-Dog's fate is definitively confirmed - not that it was a mystery or anything - when the group, fresh from ending the life of the miscreant who caused all the trouble finds his bloodied and bare corpse seeping across the FLOOR OH GOD MY MIND IS DYING AGAIN.

Daryl also decides from a head scarf that Carol's dead as well, though that just may be optimism on his part. 

However, what was the best single moment of the episode came about at the very end, as the surviving group (sans Carol) reconvenes back in their yard, with Rick seeing Carl, Maggie and the baby emerging from the depths of the prison, no Lori in sight. Considering it had come down to the stoic and surprisingly strong Carl to deal the double-tap blow to his mother, Rick was disturbingly weak. I'm satisfied that he realised what had gone down pretty quickly, but in the end he says 'No' a lot then collapses on the ground. I'm not calling out Andrew Lincoln's performance... OK, maybe I am, but because it was FORMIDABLE. It was epic, and what would normally be over-the-top anguish was presented realistically because Lincoln FUCKING SOLD IT, and it was heart-breaking. He didn't even look at his new child, who a traumatised Maggie holds against Glenn's chest, and I can't blame him. There was just so much riding on Lori, and you know he feels somewhat responsible for them not reconciling, and now she's dead and he couldn't be there to help. 

There is something almost cathartic about death on this show. Perhaps the creators realised this, and are aware of the constant feeling of lingering doom which surrounds every character, because so far all the major deaths have been spine-tinglingly good; Amy, Sophia, Dale, Shane and now Lori and T-Dog. They understand that they need to step the death up a notch to help it transcend the death that already exists in the show, so whether it be horrifyingly violent and painful like T-Dog, or beautiful and emotional (if still horrifyingly violent) like Lori, they get how to do it right and have managed to do so consistently. 'Killer Within' is The Walking Dead at its absolute best, showing us that there really are casualties in this universe, and that the viewers can't watch this like any other show. Yeah, 24 or Lost or any other serial shit could theoretically pull off an 'anyone can die' routine, but their characters don't exist in a world where nearly everyone already has. This bleak, inevitable, unflattering end that awaits all our characters, beloved or not, is what makes this so difficult and so glorious to watch. We don't know what's going to happen. I didn't expect Lori to go out that way, and I didn't expect T-Dog to go out either. One moment changed everything from a normal episode which started with collecting firewood and bringing Hershel back out into the world into a violent and tearful goodbye to two, maybe three characters. Is there anything more that we can ask for? 

'Sunday Best' - Boardwalk Empire, Season Three

Boardwalk Empire

Season Three

Episode Seven

'Sunday Best' - 6.5

We are just so... Nineteen twenties-y. 

Happy Easter everyone, apparently. That's right, back in the nineteen twenties they did the entire Easter Sunday ritual, just like us, with a pleasant family lunch or dinner and an egg hunt, even if it is for money. At points 'Sunday Best' actually felt like filler, namely the scenes featuring Nucky and Margaret spending the evening at Eli and June's house or Richard Harrow at the veterans' lunch,  as other than a few character and relationship points nothing was really raised or modified. Especially not when compared with the Gyp Rosetti storyline or whatever went down at Gillian's house. 

I think Gillian's rendezvous with her Jimmy-lookalike is a good place to start, as it managed to be a strange mix of the episode's best and worst parts. First of all, it was horrendously creepy. Gillian is a complete nutcase, definitely suffering from the grief of her son's loss, while also having to actually admit to herself that he is dead. To do that, for some bizarre psychological reason she decides she has to dose her lover with heroin then drown him in the bath. Seriously, after only two episodes with us the surrogate son/incestuous affair is killed. Nonetheless, his presence was felt, even if he was there just to make Gillian Darmody out to be bonkers. She even tells the poor lad that Jimmy was actually her husband instead of her son. 

Luckily for us, once she's done the deed and made it look like an overdose she sits down on Richard Harrow's bed and finally realises the truth for herself; Jimmy's dead, and he's not coming back. This storyline was both disconcerting and fascinating, though my biggest issue stemmed from the drowning of the lad; it was just so dramatic! Yeah, conflict and murder and death are always good twists and stuff, but I just didn't really believe it, did Gillian have to be so extreme about it? I don't think there are that many nutcases so close to each other anywhere in the world. Maybe Boardwalk Empire is reaching its expiration date if they have to resort to such manipulative and outlandish tactics to keep us invested.

While she has her day of sex and homicide, her assistant Richard Harrow takes Tommy to his Easter lunch, which takes place at that father and daughter pair we met in the last episode. Have to say though; did anyone give a shit? Yeah, Harrow is a fantastic character who inspires pity and respect, managing to be both a tragic victim and an amoral killer. But love? Once again, I'm wondering if the show is reaching a point where it's run out of ideas, because that is such an obvious direction to take the character that it is absolutely uninteresting. I do believe it more than I believe Gillian's murder of Roger, but at least THAT was endlessly fascinating. Harrow and Julia is just boring.

Similarly, Margaret and Nucky spend Easter Sunday engaging in family play with Eli and his family. There were the odd points in this story that were a bit alright, namely Margaret admits to June that she is not happy with the state of her marriage, and that Nucky has a mistress in New York. Of course June tells her husband once it's all over, though I don't know if this will have any significance at all. There was also a kind of reconciliation between the brothers, but this was after Eli practically asked Nucky to shoot him because he's 'tired of waiting'. This must have been an admirable act in Nucky's eyes, as he offers his brother the position of partner in Doyle's warehouse.

There was also implications of remaining affection between Nucky and his wife, as she comes to discover that he is a proficient juggler and entertainer. When he offers to teach her how to juggle though, she simply tells him that it's 'too late', with the double entendre being about as explicit as Gretchen Mol's tits earlier in the episode. To be honest, I'm conflicted about putting these two back together, as they were a terrific couple and are one of the few evenly matched pairs on the show, but I also don't want the show to go back on their developments simply because another option is better.

I follow Steve Buscemi on Twitter, and I knew from there just how funny the man is (seriously folks, @TheRealBuscemi, follow that shit) but his brief comic display during his family talent show was quite hilarious. He may have some of the best comic timing that I've seen in a long time, as well as a plain, old funny voice. Great stuff. Also, he can clearly really juggle, which is also impressive.

Finally, Gyp Rosetti also does some stuff. Good stuff, in Italian. Just as hilariously as Nucky's egg routine, Gyp actually beats up a priest in a church after calling God 'fucking sick' and then goes about stealing all the collection money. Later he approaches Joe Masseria with the money and is able to appropriate a bit of support in his quest to 'kill them all', as in Rothstein and Nucky. Terrific! And now a mob guy with actual power is in on the action as well, so hopefully we will see an old-fashioned mob war erupt along the Eastern seaboard. Honestly though, does Masseria believe he can defeat two of the most powerful criminals in America? 

If 'Sunday Best' taught me anything, it's that Easter Sunday is not a day for action, except for the reflective, dramatic murder of Roger by Gillian, though that just bordered on scarring. After last episode's absence it was good to see Gyp Rosetti back on the scene and making a few power plays to reassert his dominance and take his revenge. With only five episodes left we have to start seeing the action ramp up as we head towards the finale. What will happen? Who'll fall in the crossfire? My guesses; Gillian's just gotten too insane, I think the writers are moving to cut her out, and put her more in the middle of the action. Run or the other. If Margaret isn't with Nucky then they are going to have to go to bizarre measures to keep her involved, so it might just be easier to kill her off. I'm getting kind of bored of Richard Harrow, as he hasn't really changed that much since joining the show two years ago, but I wouldn't put his odds low. I think he'll do fine. Eli and Mickey Doyle would both be expendable, probably the former less so than the latter, though I doubt Eli's gonna get bumped off first. Billy Kent, even though she didn't appear tonight, is in definite danger, especially now that more and more people are becoming aware of her fling with Nucky, and she also gets between him and Margaret. I for one wouldn't care if she got tapped on the shoulder.

We will see though, it might end up like the first season which kind of shrugged as it finished, and no one important might die. I hope not though, there's been a few snooze fests this year and I want to see all this exposition lead to something worthwhile. 

'Walk With Me' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode Three

'Walk With Me' - 7.0

Slow, yes, but also a bit of an info dump. 

The third season's x-episode presented a whole new world for two of our heroes to play around with, as well as a possible new human villain with a thirst for... guns, or something. 

Anyone who reads about this show online has been eagerly awaiting the arrival of 'The Governor', a human antagonist who rules his little safe haven known as 'Woodbury' with a seemingly kind hand, only to be working a seedy agenda underneath it all. I'm not overly familiar with the comics, so I can't say how accurately David Morrissey plays the literary version, but the character we see tonight has a very admirable and threatening level of both sincerity (even if it is insincere) and malice. 

I don't think any viewer can be expected to see the Governor as a good guy when we meet; his method of bringing in Michonne (who is finally named tonight) and Andrea was less than comforting, even if he didn't actually choose how they were handled. Turns out it was actually a downed helicopter that saved the ailing Andrea, as it allowed the two girls converge with the Woodbury gang and be apprehended by the Governor's troops.

It would be remiss of me not to mention one particular plot point from 'Walk With Me': Merle's back. Yes, Daryl's brother who was handcuffed to a pipe on an Atlanta rooftop and forced to saw off his own hand comes across his old co-survivor hanging out in the wilderness. Turns out the redneck had been swept up the Governor's group and given shelter and medical care, much like what Andrea receives when she arrives in Woodbury. We learn that it may have come at a cost though; Merle appears entirely subordinate to, even frightened of, his new leader, even though this isn't really explored. He just does everything that is asked of him, which doesn't fit too well with the Merle we remember from season one. It has been like eight months of hell though.

Michonne didn't leave that big an impression on me, however her treatment of her two walkers was shocking. When they started making too much noise when the Governor's troops roll up at the crash, she grabs her katana and decapitates the two of them with no hesitation, though we see later that they aren't actually killed. They're just two heads now though, and that's just disturbing. Who is this Michonne though? She refuses to reveal who the walkers once were, she has absolute trust issues and she doesn't even seem to like Andrea that much. Hopefully she transcends the troubled, quiet and tough girl persona that the show has already carved out for her and becomes a real and relatable adaption of her illustrated counterpart.

The downed helicopter leaves an injured pilot in the hands of the Governor, and from his word they are able to locate a small military convoy, which our new villain approaches while waving a white flag. Once he's close enough and has their attention, he and his men storm the troops with a shower of machine gun bullets, taking the ammo and vehicles all for themselves, then informing the normal people back at Woodbury that the men had been dead by the time they arrived. 

He also has a scientist, for some reason. It's known that he is trying to rebuild 'civilisation', though what the implications of this are is beyond me. Why does that involve regressing to the basic instincts of everyone-for-themselves? Surely a group of cooperative soldiers would be highly useful in defending Woodbury from an inevitable zombie ambush. There is something else going on here and I can't quite discern what it is yet. Does it have something to do with his room full of re-animated heads in aquariums? What was that?

So many questions! But that's good! I love to be intrigued by television, it is one of the most useful emotions to evoke, as it forces us to return to the show to work out the truth. Think Lost, though we rarely tune into a show just for a mystery. Again, think Lost, which could count on a stellar ensemble cast playing beautifully realised characters, and then think ‘the Event’, which attempted to depend on its mystery without granting us any worthwhile players in the plot. The Walking Dead didn't have any great mysteries, and it still doesn't. All we have are the questions; Who is the Governor? What is his plan, and how does it involve Woodbury? Why does he have a scientist? Of course, this lucky show also has amazing characters to question with us, though I noted that the absences of all but two of the main characters was barely felt. I guess these people are wonderfully realistic, but so much so that they aren't entirely likeable. Doesn't matter though, as long as we want to know what happens to them we don't actually need to like them! That, in a nut shell, is why the Walking Dead is such a success. 

'Ging Gang Goolie' - Boardwalk Empire, Season Three

Boardwalk Empire

Season Three

Episode Six

'Ging Gang Goolie' - 6.5

'I want incest you so bad'

Did anyone else get 'Ging Gang Goolie' stuck in their head after the scene at the Boy Scout function? It's an awful, awful song but it's just permanently engrained in my mind, and is sadly about the only thing that remains from the as-such entitled instalment of Boardwalk Empire.

Now, admittedly, it is always difficult to justify a negative review of Boardwalk Empire. It looks damn good, the acting is superb, blah blah blah intelligent, blah blah. The show, like Game of Thrones or Buffy the Vampire Slayer can almost be considered objectively good - of course I could say your mileage may vary, but I hold fast to the belief that for any of these three shows, if you don't like them then you're kidding yourself and/or don't watch enough television to appreciate actual quality. Too much of ‘the Vampire Diaries’, perhaps, that you've forgotten what makes a TV series different or interesting.

Maybe the focus on Margaret and Nucky's relationship was a mistake, as well as the absence of the most interesting character right now, Gyp Rosetti, who is obviously recovering from the attempt on his life last episode. Nucky gets put in jail and fined $5, all because his former ally Attorney General Harry Daugherty needed a temporary scapegoat, and wanted to teach our protagonist a lesson. I know we've met Daugherty, but I am not overly familiar with him. I couldn't remember his name when he first showed up tonight, and in the end he has little effect on the proceedings other than inspiring his enemy to take Remus (the guy who says his own name a lot) down, and possibly Daugherty himself. I don't know.

At least Gillian got a sex scene in, although it was with a man who looks an awful lot like her son. I often feel a bit sorry for Gretchen Mol, as even though she plays the role with strength and ability, she still portrays a thoroughly unlikeable and strange woman, who has an incestuous fixation on her own (deceased) son. There is a depressing factor here in that he's dead and such, but it's still creepy and I wish she'd stop it. 

Did anyone understand what was going on with this gypsy/vagrant lurking near Margaret's house? I hear that he starts a fire early on, but 'gypsy', as Teddy calls it, is terribly close to 'Gyp', and he does say that the gypsy lived somewhere else and has only just come to town. It's eerie and suspenseful, but doesn't lead anywhere but to Margaret and Owen Sleater hooking up in the greenhouse. 

You know who I like? Gaston Means. His actor, Stephen Root, plays him as confident and with a degree of cheesy flamboyancy, and it is all appreciated. Means is hilarious no matter what he's saying or doing, and even though he should be subordinate he still owns his superiors with seemingly helpful quips that are equally belittling. He's fantastic, and just as good to watch as Gyp Rosetti, if for different reasons. His presence tonight was entertaining, as always, and the prospect of him joining up with Nucky to take down his own boss is an exciting prospect. Means for President!

'Ging Gang Goolie' was nowhere near as memorable as the song it's named after, and in reality was just as evasive as the show always gets. I can see that Boardwalk Empire is a complex show, but maybe twelve episodes is too many. They end up introducing all these unnecessary and uneventful side plots that it later feels it needs to resolve. I reckon there are easily two episodes worth of scenes that could be removed to make the show breezier and simpler. Yes, of course intelligent is good, but I can't always follow this show and it's starting to really piss me off. I'm just waiting for someone to pull out a gun and shoot everybody, then I'll be happy. 

'Sick' - The Walking Dead, Season Three

The Walking Dead

Season Three

Episode Two

'Sick' - 5.5

I'm still a teenager, so I can see the creepy Rule 34 shit here. 

'Sick' is a damn good name for this episode about consequence and retribution, as our heroes are left trying desperately to save Hershel after his walker attack last episode, while coping with the prisoners who want to claim the prison as their own.

In this case, the 'sick' party would actually be Rick, as well as the de facto leader of the prisoner group; Tomas. Oh and Hershel too, I guess. The reason the first two aren't entirely well refers to their almost amoral killings of innocent people. For Tomas this isn't such a big deal, as we aren't overly familiar with any of this group just yet we are easily able to accept the violent criminal as evil.

Rick, on the other hand, is a tougher pill to swallow. In the first two seasons we came to know him as noble and trusting, only resorting to violence when it was absolutely required of him. We do see this Rick early on when he offers to let the prisoners stay in the a different cell block, even promising to help them, but this version of the character has clearly been largely lost, as later on he plants a machete in Tomas' skull. There was a reason, obviously, as Tomas had repeatedly disobeyed Rick's suggestions, brutally ended one of his own troupe after he was scratched by a walker and then literally thrown a living zombie at Rick in some stupid act of insubordination.

This was of course during the taking of the new cell block, and it was all too much for Rick. He and Tomas have a big long, alpha male staring contest once Daryl's come to the rescue, before Rick lets his anger get the better of him and divides the top of the inmate's skull in two. Gross. 

There's an even worse act of questionable morals shortly after, as one of the other prisoners absolutely freaks out and runs away, with Rick showing his former policeman status as he goes in pursuit. Eventually, the unfortunate man runs into a yard full of walkers, and Rick almost nonchalantly slides the barred door shut to prevent him from getting away. Yikes, man. There was a glimmer of remorse and hesitation in his eyes as he stepped away, the prisoner's desperate screams being heard through the door. 

What is with this new Rick? I'm not really complaining, an ambiguous protagonist is so rare that they are like sugar to the seasoned television viewer, but it was just such an abrupt change from the character we know. Luckily I can see exactly what has driven him to this level of immorality, and you get a glimpse into it in the final scene between him and Lori. Rather than simply tell her that he doesn't want to be with her anymore, he ignores her talk of their relationship, even failing to make any kind of eye contact, before thanking her for saving Hershel and walking away. You can tell that Shane's words last season had an effect on him, almost made him push his family away so that their safety can't affect his judgement, and clearly his separation from them has driven this regression into doing what's necessary rather than doing what's right.

For Hershel, his day is much more... unconscious. I was happy to find that he never displays signs of the zombie virus, and never picks up a fever at any point. He doesn't exactly look his best though, as he doesn't even get any dialogue or really open his eyes. Instead, he lies on a jail cell bed while Carol - whom he had taught some basic medical stuff to so that she could help deal with Lori - does her best to keep him alive.

And one point, it looked like we'd lost the old man, as his daughter Maggie saw his chest stop moving. It was even more poignant as she'd not long prior told Glenn that she actually think it'd be easier if he died, but she is still distraught when she thinks he’d passed. Lori rushes in to perform hasty CPR - never a good idea on a possible zombie-case - only to have him lurch up and grab her in an admittedly jump-out-of-your-seat moment, though he quickly falls back under, his breathing back to normal. I swore my spine hit the ceiling when that happened, as Lori actually had her mouth to his, and it was just terrifying. She could've had her face ripped off. Well done, show. Kudos to you.

By the end of the episode though, once everyone's back in the cell block, Hershel opens his eyes and takes Rick's hand, showing that perhaps there is hope and maybe it comes from the prison, of all places. I think that is what we need right now, especially now that Rick has become the new Shane. I do wonder though, perhaps Maggie will end up being right. How long can a one legged man escape walkers?

The glaring absence of Andrea and the black woman with the walker-pets was noted, though the show functions somewhat fine enough without them. I was waiting patiently for them to make another appearance, but in the end I'm quite happy to have to wait until next week to learn what's up with them. 

There is a gloom that perpetually sits on top of this show, and an almost unsettling sense of dread that continues even in the confines of the prison. Any noise, any movement could be a walker. At one point Carol collects one of the creatures from outside the fence so she can investigate her insides - she worries she may have to do a caesarean section on Lori - and the ease with which she undid the mended fence hints that a determined walker - or pack of walkers - could make its way in. 

I still wonder what can be done at a place like a prison. The farm from the second season got some negative reviews from viewers, even if I didn't have any issues with it. I guess the grounds of a jail a considerably larger and more labyrinthine than what we had last season, and with the prime gains there we could easily see a near war build over this compound. They will surely put Andrea back with her companions at some point, and to do that she'll have to meet up with them again, which could happen through battle for the prime real estate. We know that she's going to join up with some other group in order to get medicine for her sickness, right? Anyway, there is still a lot of potential within the impenetrable walls of the jail, but how long before it is exhausted, and we have to bring in threats from the outside? Clearly this episode, though an i­mprovement over the premiere, didn’t really answer any questions. ­­­

'You'd Be Surprised' - Boardwalk Empire, Season Three

Boardwalk Empire

Season Three

Episode Five

'You'd Be Surprised' - 6.0

I sincerely wish he was singing 'Nathan' by Azealia Banks right now. Chalky and Purnsley would loooove that. 

Other than the an explosive massacre towards its conclusion, 'You'd Be Surprised' was largely an uneventful and dragging affair, featuring Nucky dealing with his romantic relationships, Margaret setting up her health clinic and Gillian facing money problems at the whore house. As usual though, the less action packed moments are still held together by the typical acting standard and the impeccable aesthetics of Boardwalk Empire.

Gyp Rosetti is getting stranger and stranger with every passing episode, though I'm not quite sure that he needed to be THIS bizarre, appearing in the first scene violently masturbating while a woman strangles him with a belt. Erotic asphyxiation is kind of different I guess, but it feels like the show's tacked it on to make Rosetti more perverse and unlikeable, even though he's just pretty awesome. Ok, I was admittedly a bit phased by this sudden foible, but on the whole it has little effect on the character itself, rather it points a finger at the integrity of the writers. Was this just to shock us? Probably. 

Rothstein and Nucky are at odds over the massacre that saw out 'Blue Bell Boy', as once again it has left Rothstein devoid of the liquor that he was promised. It's a bit unfortunate for Nucky, who has lost a whole convoy of men, trucks and alcohol, but now his biggest contributor is threatening to pull the plug. Michael Stuhlbarg and Steve Buscemi actually looked to be having a hilariously fun time digging into each other's characters, with the two kingpins pretty much regressing to childish name calling and yelling, while Owen Sleater and Lucky Luciano wait awkwardly in the adjacent room. We don't hear much of what goes on, but we know it doesn't sound good, even if it almost amusingly over-the-top.

Back at home, things aren't much better for Nucky when Margaret comes across him and his new girl, Billie, while they are out dress shopping at Madame Jeunet's. Margaret had been handing out flyers for her women's health clinic which has been somewhat floundering now that it's started, and she had come to Jeunet to ask her to give out the flyers from the store, only for the French woman to try and shoo her out in the most polite - but least subtle - way possible. It's all in vain though, because Nucky comes strolling out holding a prospective garment for Billie, who then follows him into Margaret's view wearing only her - quite unrevealing - underwear. I'd expected Nucky's current wife to say some brilliant quip that she's so known for making, but in the end she just offered her husband's new girl one of her flyers and implies she'll be too busy committing adultery to attend. A bit of a wasted opportunity if you ask me.

Over in Van Alden land, he's receiving cryptic communications from that prohi who let him off last week. In a scene as unintentionally farcical as Rothstein and Nucky's shouting match, the agent arrives in his home, causing both of the Muellers to worry that the jig is up. Nelson forces Sigrid to leave the room as he prepares to face the music, only for the agent to merely chastise him for selling a faulty iron a few weeks prior, explaining exactly how the two had met before. A second later, Sigrid rams him over the head a few times, much to Van Alden's shock and to our amusement. Nelson and Sigrid then decide the only way out is to finish the job, with the poor guy being suffocated by Nelson's handkerchief while Sigrid dutifully holds his legs down. Next thing we know, Van Alden's gone back to the florist who offered him a gangster job, for help disposing of the body. Was it me, or was this whole thing oddly comical? I mean, it's Van Alden, who was always too disturbingly bizarre to be taken without a grain of salt, but he and his wife barely batted an eyelid while suffocating that man. Weird? Just a little.

I honestly didn't care about Gillian's financial problems at her new brothel, so at first I was curious as to why exactly we had to go into them so much. Turns out that Mrs. Darmody seems to legitimately believe that her son has simply run off somewhere, and she writes him at one point to beg him to return to her. It is a really quite depressing moment, and a testament to the often under-used Gretchen Mol, who's only appeared in three of the five episodes so far. 

Let's be honest here; did anyone understand what the hell was going on with that tribunal thing? I got that 'Melon' was the secretary for the bureau of Internal Revenue, but what were they talking about? Somehow Harry Daugherty got mentioned, a name I'm sure I've heard before but can't quite place, and his name set off alarm bells for Gaston Means, aka the crazy guy who hid from the people he was collecting money from. Means reports to some guy I've definitely seen before, but I don't really think who he is matters. Rather, the fact that Means gives him some useful advice; making a high-profile arrest is the only way out of facing the committee under suspicion of corruption; will surely be important later. Who will get arrested?

In the night's most who-gives-a-fuck storyline, Margaret warns Nucky that Billie Kent doesn't need 'rescuing', and is therefore not the type of girl he'll stay with. He deflects this, but it becomes apparent throughout the episode that he's trying to help her anyway, as her stage show is failing pretty badly. Nucky believes it is because of a badly cast male lead in the show, titled 'The Naughty Virgin' in a humorously awful attempt at subtlety - and knowingly so. Anyway, he tries to convince Eddie Cantor to take the role, finally giving Stephen DeRosa a chance to stretch out the marvelous adaption of the famous performer, and do something other than sing and joke. Cantor can't take the job due to contractual obligations to another show, but Nucky sends in Chalky White and Mr. Dunn Purnsley to his home to catch a show, providing the most wonderfully awkward spectacle I've ever seen, as Cantor attempts to satisfy the two men with one of his trademark songs only to have them stare blankly at him in complete silence. Once again, it was just that slightest bit funny, which is maybe the theme tonight. In the end, Cantor gives up and tells the two that he'll do Billie's show. He doesn't take it with glee however, and when he prepares to take the stage with her he turns to her and asks her if she's aware of Lucy Danziger, which of course she isn't. In a line as cruel as the one I wish Margaret made earlier, he warns her that 'the next one won't know a thing about you either'.

The best scene of the night belonged to Gyp Rosetti, who is rudely interrupted while enjoying another oxygen-depraved (ha! see what I did there?) tryst when that annoying kid who works for Meyer Lansky bursts in and takes out a whole bunch of his men, before breaking into the bedroom and taking a few shots at Gyp himself. Gyp's a nice guy though, so he uses his trick to block the shots, killing her while he struggles to undo the belt from the bed before grabbing his gun and returning fire. He's too late though, and the shooter escapes while he walks through the carnage entirely - and I mean entirely - naked, with all of himself on display. Very brave, Bobbie Cannavale, full nudity isn't particularly common on television, especially while completely coated in blood and surrounded by dead bodies.

The scene after shows that Nucky and Rothstein had handled their tiff, and that he'd organised the shooting in an attempt to take out Gyp Rosetti - duh. Anyway, at least we know these two aren't at odds so much anymore, I don't mind Rothstein.

So, other than that penultimate montage of fetishist sex and a four-fatality-filled-shoot-out, the whole episode was a little dull. The strange additions of awkward humour either flew over my head or completely threw me off, so I'd have to ask that they not pull that creepy weird shit again, because I was slowly considering backing away from the television. Luckily the episode ended before it got that far, but maybe not next time. Boardwalk Empire isn't the place for hilarity, it's supposed to be more like an epic prohibition-drama. There isn't that much room for comedy, especially farcical or just awkward situations. They're just... a bit much. Other than the violent or the bizarre, the majority of 'You'd Be Surprised' was just uninteresting. I'm not sure why we had so much build-up to Van Alden having to kill the prohi, he could have just showed up at his house. Likewise, why did Nucky have to try and reason with Cantor first? Couldn't he have just sent Chalky and Purnsley over in the first place? Also, why was Gillian's short, pointedly sentimental storyline split up the way it was, it could have been only one scene. 

I guess in the end, 'You'd be Surprised' did what the title said it would, and I was at the very least bewildered by the shooting at Tabor Heights, but there was so much dead weight just hanging around - in character and scene senses - that I just want this season to pick things up and get into it, which it surely will now that Rosetti should be on the warpath.