'162 Candles' - The Vampire Diaries, Season One

The Vampire Diaries

Season One

Episode Eight

'162 Candles' - 7.0

Yes, I am Lexi. Yes, I am awesome. Yes, I am about to be defeated by a vampire a good three centuries younger than me.

This fucking show infuriates me. They finally introduce a compelling and nearly original character, and then they kill her. IN THE SAME FRIGGING EPISODE.

'162 Candles' is all about Stefan's birthday, because it is something you take seriously when you realise you could have like five hundred, if you wanted. For whatever reason, along comes Stefan's oldest friend Lexi, who is awesome. She's witty, cool as a cucumber and older and stronger than Damon. It didn't click, but that right there was probably why she never would've survived the episode. Damon really is the main character isn't he, even if he is also the antagonist? We can't have a good guy who can easily take the big bad in a fight, where's the drama in that? Dear gods, Damon isn't even interesting, people. I'm sick of hearing how clever it is that we are manipulated into liking the villain - screw off, he is barely a villain and television shows have been pulling that trick for decades! You've probably just come from kid's shows, so you most likely aren't quite use to the tropes and clichés of 'adult' TV.

Sorry, I don't mean to full on insult the viewers of this show. I mean I don't mind it later, but at this point none of the characters interest me, they are all boring, uninspired and cardboard cutouts of the standard mix of television stereotypes. And yes, I probably am going to complain about them in every review, because these plain-flavored treats and making this a very uninteresting meal. Personally I can't see what compels people to watch this garbage!

Hold on, let me breath... OK, the characters suck, but '162 Candles' wasn't actually that bad an episode. This is all because of Lexi of course, so no doubt the next episode will suck so much ass I'll probably throw up, but tonight I was more interested than normal. I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret; in about half of my 'viewings' I have this oldish dog sitting in the room - her names Daisy - and she snores like a freaking bear. My logic is that if I am able to ignore her bellowing snores then that means I am really enjoying watching whatever is on. It's like a rain gauge for fun. In this episode I had my moments where I wanted to go and smother her with a cushion, but for the largest part of the forty minutes I didn't hear her, which is definitely in the episode’s favour.

And despite the fact she actually died, I did think Lexi's final scene was pretty badass. She had a syringe full of vervain - which seems to act like potent valium or something - and still managed to throw two policemen metres away, as well as take a barrage of bullets from Sheriff Forbes. At the same time, Damon's plan made sense (although he really didn't have to explain it later), he was going to frame Lexi for the murders the town had experienced since he'd arrived. Duh, it's so obvious! I was annoyed when he jammed his stake into Lexi's chest, but it made perfect sense and (as you can see) got a pretty strong emotional response from me. That's always a good thing in television, there is nothing worse than boredom.

There was one more exceptional scene, and this one involved Bonnie interestingly. See, despite us not getting a good look at what she was doing with her grams, it turns out she'd learnt to harness a few of her witchy powers. Since Elena is her best friend (poor Caroline), she decided to come out the most elegant (and kinda bitchy) way possible - eviscerating Elena's pillow then making all the feathers float around the room. Yeah, that was pretty cool, and pretty well shot, and just pretty.

Now, Vampire Diaries, what I really need from you are some captivating and out-of-the-ordinary characters, some snappier and funnier dialogue, and you should stop treating me like an idiot. I get what you are doing most of the time, soon you're gonna start having the characters talk to themselves just so that we know how they're feeling. God help us if we should make an incorrect assumption.